Delusion

[tectak]

Call me now or call me not again;
your restlessness you'll fix with your own words.
Don’t tell me this and that is what you need;
if that was this then you would have it all.
I listened twice and twice I held high ground;
then on some shifting sands I built your church.
To worship you again risks thrice denying,
more than enough to halt my further tries.
Your faintly god like image I must worship
and abhor until Ascension; that is all it was.
All it ever was?
The nights of two in one and tears for both, make staining memories.
The days of frozen, fixed immortal love, devoid of thought or question,
was that real?
You paced my room and breathed more of my air
than surely even we in passion drew.
So now where are we, you and I?
Not here.
Not in this vile furnace, melting down the human alloy.
You once told me that love, if weighed,
was worth its weight in gold;
Yet separate now, the fluid melt of what I thought we were,
seems still to fill the mould,
with no space left in which to fit that part.
Where has it gone?
For if it left, the claim of Archimedes surely falls.
Eureka!
Now I see….I never owned this love at all.
But by the void and by the pit and by the empty bed…
I know it was that love you stole.

TAK 2007. rev 2011
( Previously posted elsewhere but rehashed after a mauling by Erthona, may the Lord look on him with affection but no more than that.)

[rowens]

A personal poem, a true poem: because someone wouldnt make this shit up just for giggles. It lays it on them right where it all is, and that's the point. To express what has become of a specific, real love, with all its quirks and cliches. And if I'm wrong, and it's only a projected poetic fiction, let me know so I can maul it too. Otherwise, I can sink my teeth in it, and endear the flavor of this delusion. And that's enough to matter.

[tectak]

A personal poem, a true poem: because someone wouldnt make this shit up just for giggles. It lays it on them right where it all is, and that's the point. To express what has become of a specific, real love, with all its quirks and cliches. And if I'm wrong, and it's only a projected poetic fiction, let me know so I can maul it too. Otherwise, I can sink my teeth in it, and endear the flavor of this delusion. And that's enough to matter.

It is not true. I made it up. Maul me
Best,
tectak

[billy]

will give feedback when i'm able

[rowens]

I think it is an interesting balance of crafted stoicism and rawness. "Call me now or call me not again" and "To worship you again risks thrice denying,
more than enough to halt my further tries" sounds like a poet writing a poem. And "that is all it was.
All it ever was?" and "Now I see….I never owned this love at all" reads like you're cutting the personal experience down to size, exposing the delusion of the poetry of it. And that's most likely your intention, and it comes through very believable, and relatable.

[billy]

Call me now or call me not again;
your restlessness you'll fix with your own words.
Don’t tell me this and that is what you need;
if that was this then you would have it all.
I listened twice and twice I held high ground;
then on some shifting sands I built your church. so it starts off as a conversation (on the face of it) between peter and god. if that's the case i'd separate the voices and given them separate stanzas. the verse voice sounds like a right clever bastard and good at playing games. built on shifting sand is cliche but that's okay as long as theres not too many more
To worship you again risks thrice denying,
more than enough to halt my further tries.
Your faintly god like image I must worship
and abhor until Ascension; that is all it was.
All it ever was?
The nights of two in one and tears for both, make staining memories.
The days of frozen, fixed immortal love, devoid of thought or question,
was that real?
You paced my room and breathed more of my air
than surely even we in passion drew. wowzer. so it isn't about god, and so the title comes into play. though it could still be about god because of the ascension, i get the feeling it isn't
So now where are we, you and I?
Not here.
Not in this vile furnace, melting down the human alloy. great line great metaphor, great image.
You once told me that love, if weighed,
was worth its weight in gold; the 2nd cliche
Yet separate now, the fluid melt of what I thought we were,
seems still to fill the mould,
with no space left in which to fit that part.
Where has it gone?
For if it left, the claim of Archimedes surely falls.
Eureka!
Now I see….I never owned this love at all.
But by the void and by the pit and by the empty bed…
I know it was that love you stole.

TAK 2007. rev 2011
( Previously posted elsewhere but rehashed after a mauling by Erthona, may the Lord look on him with affection but no more than that.)

god, it was god...i'm so disappointed i was hoping for it to just be using god.

in parts it felt a little too clever by half but it feels that that was what you aiming for. a lover's tiff of sorts. i thought it was just another lover's tiff. but now i think it was the same thing but between god and peter. which is a damn shame if it's so.
well written as usual but i sort of feel cheated by footnote as it implies god is abroad.

[tectak]

Call me now or call me not again;
your restlessness you'll fix with your own words.
Don’t tell me this and that is what you need;
if that was this then you would have it all.
I listened twice and twice I held high ground;
then on some shifting sands I built your church. so it starts off as a conversation (on the face of it) between peter and god. if that's the case i'd separate the voices and given them separate stanzas. the verse voice sounds like a right clever bastard and good at playing games. built on shifting sand is cliche but that's okay as long as theres not too many more
To worship you again risks thrice denying,
more than enough to halt my further tries.
Your faintly god like image I must worship
and abhor until Ascension; that is all it was.
All it ever was?
The nights of two in one and tears for both, make staining memories.
The days of frozen, fixed immortal love, devoid of thought or question,
was that real?
You paced my room and breathed more of my air
than surely even we in passion drew. wowzer. so it isn't about god, and so the title comes into play. though it could still be about god because of the ascension, i get the feeling it isn't
So now where are we, you and I?
Not here.
Not in this vile furnace, melting down the human alloy. great line great metaphor, great image.
You once told me that love, if weighed,
was worth its weight in gold; the 2nd cliche
Yet separate now, the fluid melt of what I thought we were,
seems still to fill the mould,
with no space left in which to fit that part.
Where has it gone?
For if it left, the claim of Archimedes surely falls.
Eureka!
Now I see….I never owned this love at all.
But by the void and by the pit and by the empty bed…
I know it was that love you stole.

TAK 2007. rev 2011
( Previously posted elsewhere but rehashed after a mauling by Erthona, may the Lord look on him with affection but no more than that.)

god, it was god...i'm so disappointed i was hoping for it to just be using god.

in parts it felt a little too clever by half but it feels that that was what you aiming for. a lover's tiff of sorts. i thought it was just another lover's tiff. but now i think it was the same thing but between god and peter. which is a damn shame if it's so.
well written as usual but i sort of feel cheated by footnote as it implies god is abroad.

Almost clear enough to understand. A result then. Yes. you are on track. It is the Love delusion. An attempt to deride both the Love of God ( Delusion) and the mortal love we all get so heated about ( delusion) by showing how tis possible to delude oneself when the blindness strikes us. If you are counting cliches then you should know it was once called A Venetian in Love and was written in Venice.
Best,
tectak
PS I don't do complicated.

[billy]

i feel much better now
the couple of clichés weren't that bad