Tightrope

[tectak]

Inchingly he ventures out, the thin, taught wire before him lies.
Flinchingly he seeks to feel the steel between his practiced toes.
Peering forward, chin held high, eyes ahead, no glancing down.
Fearing only fear of failure, first a step and then a glide.
Weight in balance, pole now steady, he lifts then pauses in his stride.

Gusting winds around him party, nudging him with child’s game shoves
Trusting he will join in spirit, the airy sprites play blind man’s bluff.
Steady! Slowly! Hold and level! The pole becomes extended arms
Ready to correct his tilting, deftly damping out the sway;
And down below the crowded circle gasps and looks the other way.

Four steps now and stable progress seems to be within his grasp…
More determined by each footfall, the less, by stride, he hesitates.
Eyes below look up towards him, admiration warms his heart,
Sighs and gasps are his to conjure, his to order, his to control
They wait below for every tremble; he trips and slips just to enthral.

Ten yards out the wind is steady, all is constant all is calm
Then the updraught starts to vary, the pole he pulls into his chest
Fighting now to hold the level, stops and holds on swinging rope
Righting every tiny error, he musters all his will and dare,
But in the eyes of those who watch him a certain glee is hiding there.

Flinging far one foot for balance, out stretched his hands to test the pole
Clinging on to hooks of air he lurches left then lurches right.
Swaying wild, off blows his hat, see it tumble, spin and fall
Praying now for intervention, skill alone won’t end his plight
The crowd below falls quickly silent, eyes averted from the sight.

His pole becomes a useless burden, he lets his grip upon it fail
His soul likewise is held but loosely, but held it is and not released
Dropping down, a leg below him, he squats and perches on the rope
Stopping , by his altered balance, the lurching of the writhing line
The crowd below breathe out as one and mutter, “Hmm. Just like last time”


Tectak 1996-2011
Possibly better in Fun forum but only here as an exercise in odd rhyme schemes to tempt bill. Got it yet?

[billy]

bastard i see what you did thar
i like the concept. the front end rhymes work well though you have lots of ings. wtf is inchingly...i am sure it's a word but if so, it's an ugly fugger.
the end rhymes work well and the the end of each verse.

Inchingly he ventures out, the thin, taught wire before him lies. what's wrong with 'lies before him?
Flinchingly he seeks to feel the steel between his practiced toes.
Peering forward, chin held high, eyes ahead, no glancing down.
Fearing only fear of failure, first a step and then a glide. very cliche
Weight in balance, pole now steady, he lifts then pauses in his stride. nice use of the pause button

Gusting winds around him party, nudging him with child’s game shoves feels a little forced
Trusting he will join in spirit, the airy sprites play blind man’s bluff. great image
Steady! Slowly! Hold and level! The pole becomes extended arms
Ready to correct his tilting, deftly damping out the sway;
And down below the crowded circle gasps and looks the other way.

Four steps now and stable progress seems to be within his grasp…
More determined by each footfall, the less, by stride, he hesitates.
Eyes below look up towards him, admiration warms his heart,
Sighs and gasps are his to conjure, his to order, his to control the 2nd gasp
They wait below for every tremble; he trips and slips just to enthral.

Ten yards out the wind is steady, all is constant all is calm
Then the updraught starts to vary, the pole he pulls into his chest why not 'he pulls the pole into his chest'?
Fighting now to hold the level, stops and holds on swinging rope is it a wire or a rope?
Righting every tiny error, he musters all his will and dare,
But in the eyes of those who watch him a certain glee is hiding there.

Flinging far one foot for balance, out stretched his hands to test the pole
Clinging on to hooks of air he lurches left then lurches right.
Swaying wild, off blows his hat, see it tumble, spin and fall
Praying now for intervention, skill alone won’t end his plight
The crowd below falls quickly silent, eyes averted from the sight.

His pole becomes a useless burden, he lets his grip upon it fail
His soul likewise is held but loosely, but held it is and not released
Dropping down, a leg below him, he squats and perches on the rope
Stopping , by his altered balance, the lurching of the writhing line
The crowd below breathe out as one and mutter, “Hmm. Just like last time” feels a bit forced.


Tectak 1996-2011
Possibly better in Fun forum but only here as an exercise in odd rhyme schemes to tempt bill. Got it yet?

it's nicely dramatic though the abundance of ings are inging. it feels overly wordy and a bit repetitious though not using the same words. a lot of what's being narrated is done so again in a different way. i won't even touch the meter but i do think some of the reversed phrasing could be reversed

there's definitely some great images at play and a good sense of suspension (excuse the pun) i just think it needs a fairly severe chopping to make me feel the wind up my arse. great effort, and this is the right forum for it

thanks for the read tom

[tectak]

bastard i see what you did thar
i like the concept. the front end rhymes work well though you have lots of ings. wtf is inchingly...i am sure it's a word but if so, it's an ugly fugger.
the end rhymes work well and the the end of each verse.

Inchingly he ventures out, the thin, taught wire before him lies. what's wrong with 'lies before him?
Flinchingly he seeks to feel the steel between his practiced toes.
Peering forward, chin held high, eyes ahead, no glanci1ng down.
Fearing only fear of failure, first a step and then a glide. very cliche
Weight in balance, pole now steady, he lifts then pauses in his stride. nice use of the pause button

Gusting winds around him party, nudging him with child’s game shoves feels a little forced
Trusting he will join in spirit, the airy sprites play blind man’s bluff. great image
Steady! Slowly! Hold and level! The pole becomes extended arms
Ready to correct his tilting, deftly damping out the sway;
And down below the crowded circle gasps and looks the other way.

Four steps now and stable progress seems to be within his grasp…
More determined by each footfall, the less, by stride, he hesitates.
Eyes below look up towards him, admiration warms his heart,
Sighs and gasps are his to conjure, his to order, his to control the 2nd gasp
They wait below for every tremble; he trips and slips just to enthral.

Ten yards out the wind is steady, all is constant all is calm
Then the updraught starts to vary, the pole he pulls into his chest why not 'he pulls the pole into his chest'?
Fighting now to hold the level, stops and holds on swinging rope is it a wire or a rope?
Righting every tiny error, he musters all his will and dare,
But in the eyes of those who watch him a certain glee is hiding there.

Flinging far one foot for balance, out stretched his hands to test the pole
Clinging on to hooks of air he lurches left then lurches right.
Swaying wild, off blows his hat, see it tumble, spin and fall
Praying now for intervention, skill alone won’t end his plight
The crowd below falls quickly silent, eyes averted from the sight.

His pole becomes a useless burden, he lets his grip upon it fail
His soul likewise is held but loosely, but held it is and not released
Dropping down, a leg below him, he squats and perches on the rope
Stopping , by his altered balance, the lurching of the writhing line
The crowd below breathe out as one and mutter, “Hmm. Just like last time” feels a bit forced.


Tectak 1996-2011
Possibly better in Fun forum but only here as an exercise in odd rhyme schemes to tempt bill. Got it yet?

it's nicely d

ramatic though the abundance of ings are inging. it feels overly wordy and a bit repetitious though not using the same words. a lot of what's being narrated is done so again in a different way. i won't even touch the meter but i do think some of the reversed phrasing could be reversed

there's definitely some great images at play and a good sense of suspension (excuse the pun) i just think it needs a fairly severe chopping to make me feel the wind up my arse. great effort, and this is the right forum for it

thanks for the read tom

Spot on billy. Written way back as an exercise in content linkage. That is, establishing an arguable ,if tenuous, reason for a structural peculiarity. In this case, by rhyming the first word the reader hopefully felt the first tentative move of each step. You can almost allow a short, stabilizing pause after each first word but you will always end up in Gerund Avenue I'm afraid. Thanks for your thoughtful crit....I don't deserve it!
I will take ALL into account and get round to an edit one day.
Best,
tectak

[billy]

then maybe that's the edit you're looking for, remove the avenues and find some ingless gerries

i have to say i do like the idea of reverse verse (excuse the pun)

[penguin]

I like what you've done with the rhymes. Didn't spot it at first.The blind man's bluff line is nice.
A few thoughts
"taut"wire, not taught.
Ready to correct his tilting, deftly damping out the sway;
And down below the crowded circle gasps and looks the other way

I don't think "damping" really works in this context. You don't need "And" before down below.

Sighs and gasps are his to conjure, his to order, his to control
They wait below for every tremble; he trips and slips just to enthral.

I think you'd be better with "his to order and control" for the rhythm.

But in the eyes of those who watch him a certain glee is hiding there.

Again, "him" bumps the rhythm for me.

"his hands outstretched" would be smoother.

Swaying wildly, off his hat blows - likewise

His soul likewise is held but loosely, but held it is and not released

This is a bad line!I'll say no more.

I'd go steady on "steady" - 3 times in one poem!