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I saw a cat outside today,
a’lying in a tree,
draped loose across a branch asleep,
or maybe I’m deceived.
He fools me when he’s lying there,
just like a lump of lead,
I think him snoozing, in a sleep,
just like a cat what’s dead.
Then from the sky, a bird will fly,
a’lookin very smart,
then quick as a flash of a lightening bolt,
there’s claws through birdie's heart.
Written in 1975
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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how about "claws pierce a birdies' heart" for the end?
besides that, I liked the moment you capture. the different ways of describing deception are great
Written only for you to consider.
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I wonder if "like some great lump of lead" might not work better, to avoid some of that repetition?
lightning :p
Nice rhythm Dale, and good fun, reinforcing my belief in the absolute evil of cats.
It could be worse
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Could the cat be both "draped loose" and "like a lump of lead"? Not, now I come to think of it, that I've ever seen a lump of lead.
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.
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Geoff,
Generally you render very good suggestion, but this one puzzles me (although I appreciate the intent). Aside from not seeing the point of changing it, it would throw off the meter (actually that's not true, I was reading it with the "there", still it seems somewhat ungainly), so in this instance I must forbear.
Leanne and penguin,
"like a lump of lead" is a colloquialism from southern Oklahoma meaning "not moving", with the connotation of having been in the one place and not moving for some time, so it speaks to duration. "draped loose" refers to aspect, so for me anyway, they speak to two different conditions. Plus, to some degree repetition is part of the vernacular, as in "I think him snoozing, in a sleep". Often it is used for reinforcement as in a phrase like "puppy dog". Technically, such a phrase is redundant as "puppy" can generally only refer to "dog", however it is generally allowed as an aspect of "colorful speech". I probably should have written this in the dialect, e.g., "puppa dawg", but as this was written 37 years ago, I had yet to develop that skill  and at the time, my audience would have been people who already talked that way so there wasn't much need. You might think of "Goofy" Mickey Mouses pal saying the lines (not really close, but it will do).
In terms of Geoff's comment "the different ways of describing deception are great", such a response is enlightening, as in the time and place this was written, it would simply be seen a joke of the "Har har" knee slapper variety. Geoff's comments make me realize that today, some people might only see the cruelty to the bird and not think it the least bit funny. Such has the world changed.
Thanks for the comments,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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i'll refrain from feedback and just enjoy it for where it's been put.
is there a term for this format?
cat's are evil bastards, it's probably why addy adores them 
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Either common or ballad meter (although the second to last line breaks the pattern - purposefully), although it would be generally broken into quatrains. It's more common meter as it holds to the xyxy rhyme scheme. The pattern is alternating lines of iambic tetrameter (line of four feet) and trimeter (line of three feet). It has a jaunty feel, but also a tendency towards sing song, so I generally only use it for humor. To me, it is much more indicative of the English speech patterns and less influenced by the Norman French than say iambic pentameter. Ballad (not to be confused with "The Ballade") meter was of course used for song, and is probably the older form. Of the formal verse forms, I consider this the nearest to a natural English form, along with straight tetrameter, although to me English is more an accentual language than a metered one.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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thanks for the quick reply. it reminded me of a couple nonsense poems we used to say as kids.
i'm going to get addy to make a smiley over the next few days ( a tongue in cheeker)
just posting it here to save me a post in the sewer
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Have you heard
One bright morning in the middle of night,
two dead boys got up to fight,
back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
The deaf policeman heard the noise
and came and killed the two dead boys.
Now, if you believe not this lie is true,
ask the blind man, for he saw it too!
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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