The Spirit Wonders

[Leanne]

duty
denial
death

The starving realist longs for the meal
that sits on a platter of silver delight
and golden gluttonous cloth

as the world goes round

on barren ground
the seed is caught
alone, untaught
unsung

A song for sixpence more
as air like porridge fills the gap
between the ribs that hunger for
the frame for some forgotten door
the raven’s tap
the slap

The clarity that fills the glass
once sullied by the broth of life
that nevermore shall dare to pass
through lips that bleed a sailor’s farce
of stars that long to guide

And yet, through garnet stains, there seeps
a daimon voice that never sleeps
but whispers words in ethered haze
implanting dreams of saffron days
and Clotho, reprimanded so
must choose again the thread to spin
as all the walls of Jericho
are turned to sugar, light and gin
in equal measure
sold for pleasure
so the drums begin

duty
beat
denial
beat
death
beat
dreams

[Bronte]

enjoyed. but the seeps// sleeps rhyme felt too easy. how about trying this way seems to go up and up in a crescendo.. rids of the SS sound and applied the CC.

or not!

And yet, through garnet stains, there seeps
a daimon voice that never creeps
can whisper words in ethered haze
implanting dreams of saffron days
and Clotho, reprimanded so

[Leanne]

Cheers Bronte... I'm not entirely sure how creeps is less obvious than sleeps though, and I do want sleeps to pick up on the implanting dreams, so I'm going to leave that alone. I thought about changing the entire rhyme scheme there, but I decided I kinda like it.

[billy]

duty
denial
death

The starving realist longs for the meal
that sits on a platter of silver delight
and golden gluttonous cloth

as the world goes round feels a little predictable, is it really needed?

on barren ground
the seed is caught
alone, untaught
unsung the sonics in this is excellent

A song for sixpence more
as air like porridge fills the gap
between the ribs that hunger for
the frame for some forgotten door
the raven’s tap
the slap, okay, i think i'm getting it now, the train of thought here makes me feel like i want to continue each thought, to sing a song, to kick the shit out of oliver, to answer poe's door etc.

The clarity that fills the glass
once sullied by the broth of life
that nevermore shall dare to pass
through lips that bleed a sailor’s farce
of stars that long to guide

And yet, through garnet stains, there seeps and
a daimon voice that never sleeps should that be daemon?
but whispers words in ethered haze but
implanting dreams of saffron days
and Clotho, reprimanded so
must choose again the thread to spin
as all the walls of Jericho
are turned to sugar, light and gin
in equal measure
sold for pleasure
so the drums begin

duty
beat
denial
beat
death
beat
dreams
great end

i couldn't see a set rhyme scheme but it worked well. i'd like to see the meaning of the end other than it being a continuation of the train of thought but it's only a small thing as it work well with the stanza above it. (which i think could be pared down a little.

i look at work like this and at some of the other peoples work and think how fortunate i am to be able to do so. thanks for the read as always.

[rayheinrich]

especially:

"between the ribs that hunger for
the frame for some forgotten door"

and

"and Clotho, reprimanded so
must choose again the thread to spin
as all the walls of Jericho
are turned to sugar, light and gin"


the gods continue to amuse...
yours in faith,
ray

[Bronte]

Cheers Bronte... I'm not entirely sure how creeps is less obvious than sleeps though, and I do want sleeps to pick up on the implanting dreams, so I'm going to leave that alone. I thought about changing the entire rhyme scheme there, but I decided I kinda like it.

You can always flip two lines to give distance . nothing is lost in meaning except you’d need to tweak a word or two

And yet, through garnet stains, there seeps
but whispers, words in ethered haze
a daimon voice that never sleeps

you know somthing every site that has workshops - not a one of them use strikethough. we had it 15 years ago! grrr make life easy somone!!
OK I'm alright now

[billy]

strike through

[rowens]

The beginning and end remind me of a pulse, I guess that's what it is. Or something like playing a record, how when the energy tapers off from the body of sound and excitement, and it has a unique calming effect. A sober reality sets in again.

[Leanne]

Thank you Rowen -- yes, a pulse was the idea, though I'd never thought of the record, I like that!