gestalts

[tectak]

Damascus drifter into day, I saw a seering light: I may die.
Shutdown. Monitor and consider. Not dead yet.

I dreampt of war and waterless days. My friends, my children, my wife.
Abandon thought. All is well. I look around.

Damn this pain that never leaves. There will be no remission now.
Compare. I walk and talk unaided. Reconsider the threat. Normal.

Anger is becoming part of me. I lose the control which I once espoused.
Examine. The easy years have slipped away. Adapt and live constrained.

Sleeping is the nights's revenge against the raid of light. So I sleep my days away.
Modify. What purpose now in wide-eyed wonder? What is left to see? Sleep on.

Body imperfect strains to pace that part of me which youth recalls.
Restructure. Jettison all worthless hopes. Prepare for new age.

I am saddenened by the plight of others, crying tears of empathy.
Accept. Accept. Accept. Others will soon cry for me.

My love. She will die in my mind like a flower, yesterday's beauty buried
In the shrivelled remains of tomorrow's memories.

Rage.

Tectak
2012

[Philatone]

hello tec, nice to see a poem by you again!

some thoughts to consider

Damascus drifter into day, I saw a seering light: I may die....I wanted "drifter" to be a verb form
Shutdown. Monitor and consider. Not dead yet.

I dreampt of war and waterless days. My friends, my children, my wife. ...like the bridging of "war" and "waterless days". I get the use of "my friends, my children..." but in some ways, the impact was greater for me with just one. for instance, "I dreampt of war and waterless days. My wife.
Abandon thought. All is well. I look around. ...comparing this to the first stanza, thought about dropping the "I" in "I look around"

Damn this pain that never leaves. There will be no remission now.
Compare. I walk and talk unaided. Reconsider the threat. Normal.

Anger is becoming part of me. I lose the control which I once espoused.
Examine. The easy years have slipped away. Adapt and live constrained. ..I wanted to know a little more about these "easy years"

Sleeping is the nights's revenge against the raid of light. So I sleep my days away..... I like the idea, but something is getting me. unfortunately, I can't put words to it at the moment
Modify. What purpose now in wide-eyed wonder? What is left to see? Sleep on. ...the questions slowed the momentum that these kinds of lines gave to me earlier

Body imperfect strains to pace that part of me which youth recalls.
Restructure. Jettison all worthless hopes. Prepare for new age....hmm, a bit more abstract than I was hoping for

I am saddenened by the plight of others, crying tears of empathy.
Accept. Accept. Accept. Others will soon cry for me....like the connection between the speaker and others

My love. She will die in my mind like a flower, yesterday's beauty buried
In the shrivelled remains of tomorrow's memories. ...this reiterated my sentiments from the second stanza. the "flower" image feels a bit cliche

Rage.

Tectak
2012

hope these find you well and can be of use

[tectak]

hello tec, nice to see a poem by you again!

some thoughts to consider

Damascus drifter into day, I saw a seering light: I may die....I wanted "drifter" to be a verb form
Shutdown. Monitor and consider. Not dead yet.

I dreampt of war and waterless days. My friends, my children, my wife. ...like the bridging of "war" and "waterless days". I get the use of "my friends, my children..." but in some ways, the impact was greater for me with just one. for instance, "I dreampt of war and waterless days. My wife.
Abandon thought. All is well. I look around. ...comparing this to the first stanza, thought about dropping the "I" in "I look around"

Damn this pain that never leaves. There will be no remission now.
Compare. I walk and talk unaided. Reconsider the threat. Normal.

Anger is becoming part of me. I lose the control which I once espoused.
Examine. The easy years have slipped away. Adapt and live constrained. ..I wanted to know a little more about these "easy years"

Sleeping is the nights's revenge against the raid of light. So I sleep my days away..... I like the idea, but something is getting me. unfortunately, I can't put words to it at the moment
Modify. What purpose now in wide-eyed wonder? What is left to see? Sleep on. ...the questions slowed the momentum that these kinds of lines gave to me earlier

Body imperfect strains to pace that part of me which youth recalls.
Restructure. Jettison all worthless hopes. Prepare for new age....hmm, a bit more abstract than I was hoping for

I am saddenened by the plight of others, crying tears of empathy.
Accept. Accept. Accept. Others will soon cry for me....like the connection between the speaker and others

My love. She will die in my mind like a flower, yesterday's beauty buried
In the shrivelled remains of tomorrow's memories. ...this reiterated my sentiments from the second stanza. the "flower" image feels a bit cliche

Rage.

Tectak
2012

hope these find you well and can be of use

I always particularly appreciate your critique because I know you wrestle with the balance of sense and sensibilty. In this piece the reader is given freedom to churn up my furrows because these are capsuled thoughts applicable to every individual by category but not by content. The clue is the title. I spent many wasted hours trying to get "something" from the "Gestalt" movement,if it can be so glorified, but was left with condensate. The idea that all nerological operations are quantas of thought , gestalts, appealed to me. The piece sets out to flag up troublesome thoughts then "cures" them with a gestalt. If it were not for this inate ability we would all be swamped by permanent multi-processsing. These are the macro-patches of our own processor. I have considered, somewhat vaingloriously, the possibility of pushing out haiku in favour of gestalts!
I will take on board your comments an probably drop the flower cliche. It is from an older poem of mine written in my youth but never completed.
Best,
Tectak

[Erthona]

Where is Fritz Pearls when you need him, that chain smoking little hobgoblin!

A nice juxtaposition of the poetic and the objective comment lines, despite the fact that it weakens the poem. This has great limbs, but the body appears dead. Definitely some great lines here, mostly the first line of each pair.

If I had to pick one

"Body imperfect strains to pace that part of me which youth recalls."
-------------------------------

This one is particularly funny

"I am saddenened by the plight of others, crying tears of empathy."

Of course I don't know what the word "saddenened" means.

Interesting reference to Paul at the beginning, although I am not sure what it has to do with...

Dale

[billy]

another word i had to look up, i thought gestalt was about seeing shapes within.

i found it was also to do why psychiatry.
the couplets worked really well in that they held their own completeness. most of the lines are worth a 2nd and 3rd read. the last couplet feels tagged on and unnecessary, its also cliche. i just read it again and there is so much to like;
Body imperfect strains to pace that part of me which youth recalls.is most excellent.

the line lengths feels perfect. the 'rage' ate the end makes me want to add something and feels comfortable with the rest of the poem.
apart from the last couple i see no nits apart from a spelling mistake already mentioned.

thanks for the read. wish i could have been of more use.

[tectak]

Where is Fritz Pearls when you need him, that chain smoking little hobgoblin!

A nice juxtaposition of the poetic and the objective comment lines, despite the fact that it weakens the poem. This has great limbs, but the body appears dead. Definitely some great lines here, mostly the first line of each pair.

If I had to pick one

"Body imperfect strains to pace that part of me which youth recalls."
-------------------------------

This one is particularly funny

"I am saddenened by the plight of others, crying tears of empathy."

Of course I don't know what the word "saddenened" means.

Interesting reference to Paul at the beginning, although I am not sure what it has to do with...

Dale

No one ever needed Fritz....and according to his expressed outlook he needed no one. In many ways he was his own art. Gestaltism was its own reward and was possibly the first placebo effect demonstrated as a "cure" for psychologically worrying conditions. I was also total bollocks because the body cerebral uses the placebo effect continually......which is what this piece is all about.
Sadenenened is another variation on saddenened not in common use. It is also a typo.
You are much better when wde awake

---

another word i had to look up, i thought gestalt was about seeing shapes within.

i found it was also to do why psychiatry.
the couplets worked really well in that they held their own completeness. most of the lines are worth a 2nd and 3rd read. the last couplet feels tagged on and unnecessary, its also cliche. i just read it again and there is so much to like;
Body imperfect strains to pace that part of me which youth recalls.is most excellent.

the line lengths feels perfect. the 'rage' ate the end makes me want to add something and feels comfortable with the rest of the poem.
apart from the last couple i see no nits apart from a spelling mistake already mentioned.

thanks for the read. wish i could have been of more use.

Thanks Billy.
In a very real sense this piece has failed because I was trying to express what I and many others (surely?) see as a given. If it were not for the subconscious "processing per ponder" having a time out we would all become rapidly short of RAM. I really like the idea of trying to encapsulate the short "process" which allows us to carry on when faced with a million potentially unresolvable situations per day; like will it rain on my newly washed car to what will I do now my dog has died. These little patches of curative and terminating "gestalts" are the natural haikus if the human psychological condition. My theory and I am sticking to it
The last couplet is all wrong..........it was from a real experience.
Best,
tectak

[Bronte]

I will take on board your comments an probably drop the flower cliche. It is from an older poem of mine written in my youth but never completed.
Best,
Tectak

Take heart you might yet save the flower image yet still not mention it as a simile something like this!!

My love. She will die wilted in my mind, like yesterday's beauty a stem
In the shrivelled remains of tomorrow's memories

just rework it make it fade but keep the image it was there.

[tectak]

I will take on board your comments an probably drop the flower cliche. It is from an older poem of mine written in my youth but never completed.
Best,
Tectak

Take heart you might yet save the flower image yet still not mention it as a simile something like this!!

My love. She will die wilted in my mind, like yesterday's beauty a stem
In the shrivelled remains of tomorrow's memories

just rework it make it fade but keep the image it was there.
Thanks for this BUT you've got to say "like a flower" early on in the extended metaphor or "beauty a stem" is obscure.
Best,
Tectak