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On a talk show a burly Spaniard
is demanding his girlfriend's brother shove off:
he's a 32-year old emaciated redneck,
they've been supporting him for months.
The girl is pretty, has shining dyed red hair,
is slender and talks like a thousand other girls,
though her speech is less obscured by bleeps.
The Spaniard drops to one knee to propose.
The redneck lunges at him like a dog
guarding his circle of piss.
I wonder if he's in love with his sister.
If in his long and fruitless life
her ascent to womanhood was all he could enjoy.
Her and the Spaniard's happiness
makes me pity this poor backwoods boy.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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This is very cool. It's like a commentary for an episode of Jerry Springer, but gave me the feeling that point was more about the person watching the show than what was actually happening on air.
Great work, buddy. Thanks for sharing.
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It was actually inspired by an episode of Jerry Springer
Thanks for your kind feedback, Mark.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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It is poignant because we see if from a somewhat sympathetic viewpoint regarding the brother, here in these last few lines,
"I wonder if he's in love with his sister.
If in his long and fruitless life
her ascent to womanhood was all he could enjoy.
Her and the Spaniard's perfection
makes me pity this poor backwoods boy."
I think the "Her and the Spaniard's perfection" line rings a little false, or at least is a little overstated, despite the fact that I understand why it is written that way. That is they are juxtaposed to the brother almost absolute imperfection. Beauty, love, happiness, joy, or any similar word would suit me better than perfection, although it can not be doubted that it draws a clear line of demarcation in the sand, one which the brother will never be able to cross over.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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Thanks for the kind feedback, Erthona
I'll change "perfection" to "happiness."
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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03-10-2012, 05:52 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-10-2012, 05:53 PM by billy.)
it does have a gerry springer feel but more understanding, as though the pov is actually concerned as to what's going on. the spaniard proposing to the sister outlines the weirdness of what's transpiring. some good lines jack the circle of piss line is excellent image wise and simile-wise. the narration feels kind and is well done. i have no nits to speak of with it.
thanks for the read.
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Thanks for the kind feedback, Bilbo
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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Dr. Johnson said omce
(he may have said it more than once),
"I cause laughter, but do not join it."
In this poem there is no laughter to join--
mirth falls away in this staged drama
brought to our attention by another
drama (call it a meta-drama), that, of
the narrator.
Here, something causes our relinquishing
of judgement upon the agents protrayed,
and the poet(not the narrator) joins us.
Delighted,
rh
