Arrayed

[Erthona]

Like Milton, the truth of all time I might aspire to pen,
that the Muse might let it flow from some place here within,
but looking outward I find it’s always the easiest to see,
yet when I turn within it’s dark, I find no truth in me.
Error, like a lustful bitch her brood quickly whelp,
and so battle as I might, I can’t o’er come myself.
Through a glass darkly am I condemned to view,
dull gray shades only, never the multi-colored hues.
How long must my vision be cursed with these cataracts,
seeking Truth yet finding only, mundane worthless facts?
I grope with benumb hands, through these cruel razored tomes,
what crime did I commit that in this way I must atone?
When all my blood has seeped away, into this hateful book,
will that have bought me one chance at unvarnished truth to look?
Or will I die unknowing, only to come back once again,
I pray not as a poet, but as an ordinary man.


©2012 ~Erthona

16 lines of accentual heptameter with rhyming couplets

[Philatone]

hey just some rapid comments

Like Milton, the truth of all time I might aspire to pen,
that the Muse might let it flow from some place here within,
but looking outward I find it’s always the easiest to see,
yet when I turn within it’s dark, I find no truth in me. ..so far, I am with everything I've read. this line did strike me as a little forced
Error, like a lustful bitch her brood quickly whelp,
and so battle as I might, I can’t o’er come myself...maybe just me, but the lexical choices here really switch tones dramatically and in too short a span. going from a more modern "lustful bitch" to the time-honored and romantic sounding "o'er come myself" caught me off-guard.
Through a glass darkly am I condemned to view,
dull gray shades only, never the multi-colored hues. ...again, felt forced. What multi-colored hues? this could be elaborated. I understand what you're saying, but the idea feels incomplete to me
How long must my vision be cursed with these cataracts, ...oOo that's a challenge word to end on, rhythmically and just by its nature
seeking Truth yet finding only, mundane worthless facts? . i would switch the comma to after "mundane". could be bolstered by, again, elaboration on your idea. what kinds of facts?
I grope with benumb hands, through these cruel razored tomes,
what crime did I commit that in this way I must atone? ...this line feels like the biggest victim of the rhyme scheme
When all my blood has seeped away, into this hateful book, need the first comma?
will that have bought me one chance at unvarnished truth to look?
Or will I die unknowing, only to come back once again,...played with making this a period instead
I pray not as a poet, but as an ordinary man. ...i'm jealous of the close


©2012 ~Erthona

16 lines of accentual heptameter with rhyming couplets

my first reaction is to wonder what the meter does for you. excuse me if I overstep my bounds, but the only merit I found for it in this piece was to create a poem that meets the requirements. for something that is tackling true depth (the "truth of all time"), so many ideas are left hanging without explanation.

Personally, I think a version of this in a different form (iambic pentameter, free verse, even a villanelle to get at that cyclical nature of understanding) would be more interesting. I like your word choice and, outside of one line, found it wonderfully consistent. The ideas are here; personally, I wasn't satisfied with the execution though

[billy]

i'm confused with accentual meter, i'm presuming it has something to do with dialect. when i count the meter i get quite a few differences.
the half rhymes work well as do the the full rhymes.

Like Milton, the truth of all time I might aspire to pen, i love this line, it gives milton some well earned credit.
that the Muse might let it flow from some place here within,
but looking outward I find it’s always the easiest to see,
i think the style makes it necessary to pack (always is redundant) and it isn't a problem because it's narrated. normally i'd think it in need of trimming but not in this piece.
yet when I turn within it’s dark, I find no truth in me. the repeated "within" was okay)
Error, like a lustful bitch her brood quickly whelp, should there be a comma after bitch?
and so battle as I might, I can’t o’er come myself. not sure about the 'over'
Through a glass darkly am I condemned to view,
dull gray shades only, never the multi-colored hues. this and above, two great lines though i think i've read through a glass darkly somewhere else
How long must my vision be cursed with these cataracts,
seeking Truth yet finding only, mundane worthless facts? why cap Truth? for me it lends nothing extra
I grope with benumb hands, through these cruel razored tomes, very sharp
what crime did I commit that in this way I must atone?
When all my blood has seeped away, into this hateful book,
will that have bought me one chance at unvarnished truth to look?
Or will I die unknowing, only to come back once again,
I pray not as a poet, but as an ordinary man. great closing couplet


©2012 ~Erthona

16 lines of accentual heptameter with rhyming couplets

first off, the timbre of the piece it's introspections, the underlying anger and the urge to create something, all work well. the flow of the piece was easy to go with. i'm in two minds with o'er but not sure why, it has a feel of a well used book and i think that makes the poem a warm one.

all my points are minor (to me) even though it flowed well, i struggled with the phrase accentual heptameter. (it feels a bit of a cop out, that said i'm pretty uneducated when it comes to poetry or grammar). jmo

thanks for a good substansive read.

[Erthona]

Thanks both of you for your comments. I am not in a mental place to answer what you have said, so I hope you will for give me a slight delay. As you know I will be through in my answer

Dale

[billy]

[Erthona]

yet when I turn within it’s dark, I find no truth in me. ..so far, I am with everything I've read. this line did strike me as a little forced

That's probably because it falls in straight iambic which of course gives it a more regular sound than the rest. It was purposeful, with the thought of a fist pounding out the words. But I may need to look at it.

Error, like a lustful bitch her brood quickly whelp,
and so battle as I might, I can’t o’er come myself...maybe just me, but the lexical choices here really switch tones dramatically and in too short a span. going from a more modern "lustful bitch" to the time-honored and romantic sounding "o'er come myself" caught me off-guard.

o'er should have be overcome. It had read cannot, and I switched it to can't but forgot to switch o'er come to overcome. However, I'm not entirely sure the romantics didn't use "lustful bitch" upon occasion.

I know Coleridge used "Mastiff Bitch" in Christabel. But you are probably correct.
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Through a glass darkly am I condemned to view,

"Through a glass darkly" is an allusion Corinthians 13

"But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."

dull gray shades only, never the multi-colored hues. ...again, felt forced. What multi-colored hues? this could be elaborated. I understand what you're saying, but the idea feels incomplete to me

That refers to the first line "Like Milton, the truth of all time I might aspire to pen". And then later:

"How long must my vision be cursed with these cataracts,
seeking Truth yet finding only, mundane worthless facts"

. i would switch the comma to after "mundane". could be bolstered by, again, elaboration on your idea. what kinds of facts?
Yes, the comma should be gone.

What kind of facts? The meaningless sort that people are always so fond of quoting, yet have no real connection to the truth, acting as though one can find the truth through reductionism.
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When all my blood has seeped away, into this hateful book, need the first comma?
NO, that's a typo. I'll remove it, thanks.
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will that have bought me one chance at unvarnished truth to look?
Or will I die unknowing, only to come back once again,...played with making this a period instead That comma should not be there, the ellipses are suppose to act as a caesura.
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I pray not as a poet, but as an ordinary man. ...i'm jealous of the close Thanks
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my first reaction is to wonder what the meter does for you. excuse me if I overstep my bounds, but the only merit I found for it in this piece was to create a poem that meets the requirements. for something that is tackling true depth (the "truth of all time"), so many ideas are left hanging without explanation.

Well actually, this is accentual verse, so there is no meter per se, although it does probably wander into free iambic on occasion.

In terms of the truth, it really isn't about truth, it's more about the fact that a poet is forced to look for the truth, and the things within himself that block him from it, so the journey to the truth is firstly a journey to be rid of the falsehood inherent in ones self perception. The price is a leveling of ones pride, which at times is not just humbling, but also humiliating.
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I wasn't satisfied with the execution though.

Neither was I really, but I would have to disagree that it would work better in a different form, especially as "villanelle", but then I have a generally prejudice against French forms in general I'll have to think upon it. Regardless, thanks for the input, and I will consider what might be done with the form.

Dale

---

Billy,

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Error, like a lustful bitch her brood quickly whelp, should there be a comma after bitch?
Yes, probably.
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this and above, two great lines though i think i've read through a glass darkly somewhere else
Literary allusion to Corinthians 13
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why cap Truth? for me it lends nothing extra
To signify that I am talking about "truth" in the sense it is used in philosophy, especially aesthetics
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very sharp
Ha, ha, very punny!
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o'er - see above.
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"i struggled with the phrase accentual heptameter"

In accentual verse, only the stressed syllables are counted. Heptameter means it has seven feet, therefore each line has seven stressed syllables. To use heptameter is a bit of a misnomer as it implies seven metered feet, and accentual verse is not metered, so it may have been more appropriate to say seven foot accentual verse, but that seemed unduly awkward. It is similar to the term blank verse, which generally means non-rhymed iambic pentameter, but it could apply as well to any verse form that is not rhymed as long as the foot lenght is noted to distinguish it from pentameter, such as "blank verse tetrameter".

I simply put "accentual heptameter" so people would not waste their time trying to figure what sort of strange meter this was. Obviously I should reconsider in the future, as it seemed to cause more confusion than clarity.

As always, thanks for your thoughts and suggestions Billy,

Dale

[billy]

In accentual verse, only the stressed syllables are counted. Heptameter means it has seven feet, therefore each line has seven stressed syllables. To use heptameter is a bit of a misnomer as it implies seven metered feet, and accentual verse is not metered, so it may have been more appropriate to say seven foot accentual verse, but that seemed unduly awkward. It is similar to the term blank verse, which generally means non-rhymed iambic pentameter, but it could apply as well to any verse form that is not rhymed as long as the foot lenght is noted to distinguish it from pentameter, such as "blank verse tetrameter".

I simply put "accentual heptameter" so people would not waste their time trying to figure what sort of strange meter this was. Obviously I should reconsider in the future, as it seemed to cause more confusion than clarity.

As always, thanks for your thoughts and suggestions Billy,

no that makes perfect sense. and it's an enlightenment for me. (thanks) i know my next questions is going to sound moronic; can there be such a thing as unaccented pentameter etc?

[Erthona]

You can have a five foot line based on syllabic verse, which would just mean that each line had five syllables in it, but I don't think you could call that pentameter, especially as in English syllabic verse there are not even hemistichs to act as dividers within the line. So even though I suppose one could call something syllabic pentameter as there is no rule against it per se, it would be fairly nonsensical. Using accentual heptameter as I did, is already stretching it, but to call a line of five syllables, syllabic pentameter, would probably not be accepted by most people. Plus, generally such a designation is not really needed, as it is fairly easy to count the syllables. You could have "pyrrhic pentameter", at least theoretically. Pyrrhic is a foot consisting of two unstressed syllables, so ten unstressed syllables would technically qualify as "unaccented pentameter", however, I can think of no reason why anyone would want to attempt such a thing, outside of, "just because", as it makes no real sense, plus even words that are normally not accented, would begin to take on an accent simply because we are accustomed to hearing one every few syllables. There are many forms that have no real title. Only metered poetry has it's own nomenclature for identifying different types. I'll email you a poem of mine that has an obvious form, but has no name. At least I'm fairly certain it doesn't, seeing as how I made it up
It's a fun form to write in, and not too terribly difficult. Just for fun, I made up a poem form called a "Dique", and later saw it listed somewhere as tho9ugh it were a real poetic form.

Dale

[billy]

isn't that how forms are created? someone does one and soon the whole world follows

i am bad with meter so it will take me time to really work it out.

[Erthona]

I do meter by rote. I get the pattern down and then just go. To me it's similar to a chord pattern in music. You get it going, then you quit thinking about it! Which means you must inundate yourself with similar formed poetry. I like William Blake's Songs for practicing the simpler forms. A few pages of Milton and you generally have blank verse down. Spenser and Shakespeare for sonnets.

There is "Evangeline" by Longfellow, should one ever want to write in dactylic hexameter.

Amazing Grace for common meter.

Whitman works for a modern epic, and a forerunner of Beat, and a good study for cadence,and non-iambic free verse, especially "Song of Myself".

Tennyson's "The Lady of Shalott" (mostly in iambs, and generally a four or a four and a half foot line, with a line of iambic trimeter thrown in as seems fitting) is a good reference for what the modernist were rebelling against ("Gareth and Lynette" from the "Idylls" is one of the best Love/Romance poems ever written).

There's of course Browning and his wife, you can take or leave them, I prefer the later (I suppose "My Last Duchess"). Coleridge is hard to ignore ("The Rime of the Ancient Mariner", Kublai Khan", and Christabel") but I do not have that problem with Wordsworth. Of the younger three, I'd generally go with Byron, although "Ozymandias" should be required reading. Keats is arbitrary at best. For a Symbolist I'd go with Yeats. I think ""The Second Coming" is one of the best poems ever written. Dickinson was probably, only second to Coleridge, the greatest natural poet. Prufrock, of course must be dealt with, as not only an excellent example of iambic free verse (vers libre), but also in it's examination of man's alienation as he moves further from nature during industrialization, and how this weakens him. The Imagists I find bland, shallow, and pompous, although I am sure many would disagree with me (HD and pound are generally the preferred pair of that bunch). Ginsberg is the obvious successor to Whitman, and by far the best of the Beats. The eighteenth century poets, Pope (Heroic Couplet), et al, although bland, is a study in satire of the highest order, as well as quotability. They are also an excellent study about how poetry does not exists in a vacuum, as their volley's back and forth are most transparent. A study of all the aforementioned poets and their major works would render a nice overview of poetic form, style, and ideology. And while by no means inclusive, it at least offers a how-do-you-do, and would keep most people busy for a few weeks at least! The Wiki article on poetry is very nice for general questions regarding poetic forms, meters, and the like, and as far as I can see is accurate, at least as accurate and as unbiased as one could hope for with such a topic. If you wish to go beyond that scope, you might actually have to read a book or a hundred (an unfamiliar concept these days, but back in the time when Underwood was state of the art, and there was no white out, it is what we did. I know, it is quite primitive, but there is a certain visceral quality to the feel and smell of an old book. I know I quite enjoyed at almost a sensual level, reading the "Biographia Literaria". Coleridge really was quite brilliant! Try a taste of his Shakespearean criticism sometime.). Well, that was more than I meant to say, but when I get going, there just seems to be no good stopping point.

Dale

[billy]

i shall put this post in a bookmark

[tectak]

Like Milton, the truth of all time I might aspire to pen,
that the Muse might let it flow from some place here within,
but looking outward I find it’s always the easiest to see,transpose "but" this line with "yet" next line to correct conditionalty
yet when I turn within it’s dark, I find no truth in me.
Error, like a lustful bitch her brood quickly whelp,got to consider the structure of this line with or wthout punctuation. Anthropomorphising of"error" does not help the architecture. Is "error" the bitch or the brood?
and so battle as I might, I can’t o’er come myself.
Through a glass darkly am I condemned to view,I never quite understood the meaning of through a glass darkly even before it became a cliché
dull gray shades only, never the multi-colored hues.
How long must my vision be cursed with these cataracts,[/b]from here to finality...just brilliant. Grammatical peculiarities forgiven but held in reserve!
seeking Truth yet finding only, mundane worthless facts?
I grope with benumb hands, through these cruel razored tomes,
what crime did I commit that in this way I must atone?
When all my blood has seeped away, into this hateful book,
will that have bought me one chance at unvarnished truth to look?
Or will I die unknowing, only to come back once again,
I pray not as a poet, but as an ordinary man.


©2012 ~Erthona

16 lines of accentual heptameter with rhyming couplets

If I had written this I would say I think I wrote this and had forgotten I had done so. It is quite salutary....oh the arrogance of the reflecting critic. Who cares. Excellent stuff.
Best,
Tectak

[Erthona]

I thought you did write this. If you didn't then from whom the hell did I plagiarize it?

We see as though we are looking through darkly shaded glass,
seeing the outlines of images, but no detail, no color.
In other words, not clearly. But of course you know that,
since you were the one to write it originally
under the name of the A. Pustule Paul. N'est-ce pas?

[tectak]

I thought you did write this. If you didn't then from whom the hell did I plagiarize it?

We see as though we are looking through darkly shaded glass,
seeing the outlines of images, but no detail, no color.
In other words, not clearly. But of course you know that,
since you were the one to write it originally
under the name of the A. Pustule Paul. N'est-ce pas?

Oh alright, alright...I admit it. Are you happy now?
Best,
Tetchytak

[Erthona]

AM HAPPY NOW! HAPPY, HAPPY!