The Gullibility of Pain

[heslopian]

In everyone there lives
a weakness for the language of
the psychic charlatan.
That love may reach beyond
the confines of mortality.
The sensible shut it away.
Though who dares blame the gullible,
whose naievety comes not
from stupidity but pain,
visions of the gulf
extending after death.

Fathers, mothers, children, friends,
gathered in the balding head
of the stranger at your door.

[grannyjill]

Well - in everyone - but that doesn't include me. Is that what they do? Knock on your door and say 'I can put you in touch with your departed loved ones' - how weird.

That love - needs a word before it 'Saying/declaring/assuring/promising' whatever.

The sensible - take away 'the' and change line to 'sensible people/folk/minds/ whatever

Though - isn't needed

Who dares blame the gullible?
Their naivety doesn't come from stupidity
but from pain and visions of the gulf
extending after death.

......... I'm guessing that this was a straight from the brain to the page thingy. My suggestions are sent with love.

[heslopian]

Thanks for your feedback, grannyjill The "at your door" bit came from a television expose of psychics I watched in which a woman called one to her house.

[grannyjill]

Aha - I thought there are many strange things in this world but 'Door-to-door mediums'? They would need to be top of the list....now, I've written this - I bet some-one is actually thinking of a scam based on that very thing. You read it here first.

[Philatone]

just a light line-by

In everyone there lives
a weakness for the language of
the psychic charlatan. ..I played with dropping the word "psychic." not sure if you need it 100%
That love may reach beyond
the confines of mortality. ...think an image would ground these lines, as at the moment it is a bit abstract. "mortality" offers plenty of opportunities as basic of coffins, graves, and the like
The sensible shut it away.
Though who dares blame the gullible,
whose naievety comes not
from stupidity but pain,
visions of the gulf
extending after death.

Fathers, mothers, children, friends,
gathered in the balding head
of the stranger at your door. ..really strong close I think

if this lacked anything for me, it was something to imagine. there was little to visualize until the final stanza, where it all collected perfectly. adding as little as cards, a table, a crystal ball, I think would give the poem a new layer. That being said, I could see you making the argument that a poem on this topic should probably stay away from concrete images, what with its focus on the supernatural more or less. I enjoyed the read!

[rayheinrich]

In everyone there lives
a weakness for the language of
the psychic charlatan.
That love may reach beyond
the confines of mortality.
The sensible shut it away.
Though who dares blame the gullible,
whose naievety comes not
from stupidity but pain,
visions of the gulf
extending after death.

Fathers, mothers, children, friends,
gathered in the balding head
of the stranger at your door.

Ha, yes, you know I'm going to sugggest getting rid of the last
three lines, hate those summations.

Other suggestions:
In everyone there lives
a weakness for the language of
the psychic charlatan;
that love may reach beyond
the confines of mortality.
The sensible shut it away;
though who dares blame the gullible
whose naivety comes not
from ignorance but pain,
from visions of a gulf of life
extending after death.

[billy]

In everyone there lives
a weakness for the language of
the psychic charlatan.
That love may reach beyond
the confines of mortality. i'd split the poem here to reinforce the change
The sensible shut it away.
Though who dares blame the gullible,
whose naievety comes not
from stupidity but pain,
visions of the gulf
extending after death.

Fathers, mothers, children, friends,
gathered in the balding head
of the stranger at your door.

i'm of a mind with ray on the last 3 lines jack for more or less the same reason.
almost everyone i know is into spiritualism or clairvoyance. apart from the last three lines and the break, (opps, is the 'though' needed on L6.) i think it works. i think many will disagree that it's all charlatanism, but you get the silliness of it all across in a decent manner. (one i agree with)

thanks for the read.

[heslopian]

Thanks for all your kind feedback, guys I like your idea about adding images to the first stanza, Philatone. As for the last three lines, I may try and weave them more seamlessly into the poem so they seem less like a summation.

[Wildcard]

I like the poem as-is, Jack. It's a nicely done piece that seems very matter-of-fact on the surface but is layered with many different feelings and draws a lot of memories out of me. There are more types of charlatans that this poem makes me think of (and that's a good thing) because it reverberates of the dual nature (cowardly and bold) of this breed.

Thanks for sharing.