Monument to an Unknown Soldier

[Philatone]

underneath the shadow of a rifle
raised parallel to heaven,
I sit, frozen,
as ripples of wind
course past his bronze vest.

A name
is nowhere to be found

so I got to wondering
who deserved to be remembered
posing so unnaturally.

Was it a prize
to be forever stitched with a scowl,
a punishment
to know no day
without a trigger and barrel
in a palm that never fell?

Lincoln has a chair to rest in,
Paul Revere a horse,

but this soldier
did just enough
to earn standing room

above an earth already filled
with memories, lying down,
hands clasped at the waist
like a scar;

the position
I frame myself in
when the mood strikes
at night.

[Leanne]

underneath the shadow of a rifle -- would you consider "a rifle's shadow"? Then you pick up some assonance between "shadow" and "parallel" in the next line, plus it's slightly less cumbersome
raised parallel to heaven,
I sit, frozen,
as ripples of wind
course past his bronze vest.

A name
is nowhere to be found -- excellent line break

so I got to wondering -- this line changes the tone very effectively, from the physical to the introspective
who deserved to be remembered
posing so unnaturally.

Was it a prize
to be forever stitched with a scowl,
a punishment
to know no day
without a trigger and barrel
in a palm that never fell? -- these last few lines are chilling

Lincoln has a chair to rest in,
Paul Revere a horse,

but this soldier
did just enough
to earn standing room -- these lines have a strange effect on me. Initially I think, "that's sad", then I get indignant because he's the representative of a lost generation and I wonder what sort of people would consider it "just enough", then I become angry at the Powers That Be who think of one man as exactly that, just a man to fill a space in the front line, and then I get all proud that this one man who meant so little to the establishment should earn eternity -- so yes, these are powerful lines

above an earth already filled
with memories, lying down,
hands clasped at the waist
like a scar;

the position
I frame myself in
whenever the mood strikes -- I'm not sure that "whenever" is any stronger than just "when" here
at night.

Very poignant, very thoughtful and obviously something that evokes mixed emotions Thanks very much for the read.

[abu nuwas]

As I read this, I seemed to be trying to to put it to music. Those little things I queried are so personal to me, that I shall not copy them out. I am, at all times, susceptible to poems about the war-dead, and war.

Although it may have been the whole point of the poem for you, I thought the last stanza best left out.

Here is the sort of music it put me in mind of:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntt3wy-L8Ok

[Erthona]

On the one hand I thought this insightful, on the other I can hear a soldier answering that they must forever remain vigilant. It seems to me what this poem points out is that it is both reward and punishment at the same time. It may seem odd, but if one's self worth comes from being a good soldier, and to be a good soldier means to be always vigilant, then I think you can understand why such a monument would be erected. It is to show in life these men were good soldiers, and maybe that is the highest compliment they could receive. Thus it is a memorial of their service, and to their dedication to duty, although I profoundly hope they now are at peace, for their duty is complete.

Dale

[Philatone]

leanne-
was considering using the possessive of rifle but chose not to. the reason: i want the rifle to be "raised horizontally," not the shadow. do you think it would be clear enough as an image if I switch it to "rifle's shadow"? additionally, agree with your input on "when". that's wonderful that the piece led you to such ponderings; you've gone places i hadn't even considered and that is always refreshing

abu-
never thought of putting this to music, which certainly changes some aspects of it for me. for now i'm going to sit on the suggestion for the last stanza; it's a good something to mull over.

erthona-
reading your words, i couldn't help but agree with what you have said. thanks for taking the time to read, it is much appreciated