Yeah, Merry Whatever

[Leanne]

Fighting with the sticky tape,
that’s my idea of fun –
presents all around and I’ve not
wrapped a single one.

Scissors blunt and battered
cut a funny jagged path,
a little trail of crimson shows
the bloody aftermath.

Ribbon strangulation is
a curious event,
the world is rosy-coloured when
your air is nearly spent.

Vernacular unladylike
is hanging in the air,
now I wish I’d bought more boxed-up
socks and underwear.

Damn, I’ve no more eyebrows where
the sticky tape has been,
my finger sports a dreadful gash,
my language is obscene.

Scissors fly across the room,
(that’s quite a cunning stunt)
think they would have killed the dog
if they were not so blunt.

That’s the end: I cannot stand
this inhumanity!
gift bags purchased from the shop
will save my sanity.

What’s that? The shop’s not open?
It’s Christmas Eve, you fool!
It seems instead of joy and cheer,
here chaos is the rule.

The stores must be conspiring
in an anti-service club;
That’s it! Christmas is cancelled
and I’m going to the pub.

[popeye]

Ha ha ha, lol, love it Leanne but be careful in the brackets one slip there and......

The pub sounds good, cheers

[Leanne]

I never slip

[heslopian]

This reminds me a lot of Pam Ayres. The rhyme scheme and gentle but subtly viscious humour are a treat. Thanks for the read, Leanne, you old humbug By the way, what's boxedup? Did you mean "boxed up"?

[Leanne]

Cheers Jack, and yes, I'll put a hyphen in

[Aish]

Ah, my anti-June Cleaver coquette. I toast you!

[abu nuwas]

Crit,crit. Your words seem to fall so easily. I bet there is a large number of people, including those who are all familied-up, who fancy following your last line lead.

[billy]

all us men feel for you leane and other mothers world wide...naw, we don't care hehe. loved it.

[grannyjill]

Crikey - I've found one I understand..... course I then tried to see if there was any hidden meaning in any of the lines ...hence my hesitation over '(that’s quite a cunning stunt)'...also suspected, I see by jiminy.

[Wildcard]

I got a good laugh from this one Especially the line about the stunning- almost slipped

[grannyjill]

I am a fan of Spoonerisms - since I suffer somewhat from his complaint

My favourite being when I told a friend I'd been 'lamping in the cake district' and another where I said 'I was sitting cress-logg'ed on the the floor'