And...
#1

And I was there, and you were there
And then you went away....

And then you went away, and left me here
And here I chose to stay;

And will you come again, and shall I know?
And might you be a dream?

And why do these flitting colours come and go,
And why so haunting seem?

And, and and, and and, and and,
And......
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#2
is it a recognised poetry form?
it should be.

it's like a cross between a nonsense poem and madness.
the colours change everything though i have no idea why or how hehe.

And i wouldn't change a thing.
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#3
is it a recognised poetry form?

No, Billy. It is iambic, with three feet in the second line, but four or five in the first line. I thought it sounded rather nice, and enjoyed using so many 'and's....but as often happens, and I notice that I am not the only one who does this, frivolous nonsense has a habit of acquiring a bit of seriousness, or, as you put it, madness. I often wonder whether I am going mad, when I look at what I have written.
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#4
hello abu!

(11-01-2011, 07:22 AM)abu nuwas Wrote:  And I was there, and you were there ..I liked the intro. reminded me of movie scenes from waking up in dreams
And then you went away....

And then you went away, and left me here
And here I chose to stay;

And will you come again, and shall I know? ..I got a bit tangled in the rhythm, with that extra "and" before shall
And might you be a dream?

And why do these flitting colours come and go,
And why so haunting seem? ..bit forced. could it show a bit more? i think the poem as a whole could be more powerful if it did

And, and and, and and, and and,
And...... ..do you need the ellipsis?

just my quick thoughts. I enjoyed the read, but I don't think the style lends it a lot of lasting power (which is not a bad thing necessarily). something you can read and move on from quickly if you desire.
Written only for you to consider.
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#5

Thank you, Phil. There are,I think, 20 'and's out of 68 words, so yes, not something likely to set a fashion, and yes, a bit forced. Wink

It swings along quite happily to me, including the bit which tripped you up -- maybe different accents? or ways of speaking?

Thanks for taking the trouble to crit.
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#6
i did a boo boo.

read would change as 'wouldn't change' in my previous reply.
i saw the iambs i just thought if it isn't a form, it bloody well should be.as for the madness, you have have it indeed Big Grin
were i that lucky to also have it. i do have a fondness for the mad nonsense stuff. Carroll is one of fave poets, though many see him more as a writer. a different nonsense altogether from the and poem but the madness is clearly seen in his work as well.



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