Growing Pains

[Aish]

An uncomfortable duet has erupted

beside stoically frozen pictures,
digital heartbeats
and electric impulses.

Injuries peeled away like egg shells,
fragilely calcified
exposing the soft underbelly of deceit;

love is rarely enough.

[billy]

it sounds like an internet romance
in truth i can't think of anything to change.
while the last line feels cliche it works well in the context i'm reading in it.
love is often rarely enough, because often it isn't love

thanks for read

[Leanne]

Whose deceit? No matter how honest we think we're being, the persona of typed words on an instantly refreshed page is never the whole picture. See, your poem's set me to thinking, and I am happy about that I would probably do a small edit and have "fragile, calcified" instead but that's me. The last line, while I agree with billy that it's a cliche, is a cliche in the right spot because my sense of irony automatically shifts it to "wanting love is rarely enough" (don't put that in the poem though!)

After ten years or so of dealing with poets on the internet, have I got some stories to tell you!

[addy]

I really like this one. That last line, which had potential to be cliche, was such a stunning thing in context that it actually elevated the poem for me. Your careful choice of words works well: even "stoically" (which normally would just be just "stoic", to stress the meaning of the word) works, putting a more dynamic motion to stoicness and frozenness that complements the flickering movements highlighted throughout the stanza. Nicely done. My only nit would be, as Leanne pointed out, "fragilely calcified" sounds a bit too unwieldy, so rephrasing that would help a lot.

[billy]

so that's three that think cliche done properly can work well in a poem. (it's actually refreshing)
in retro. i think leanne's point on 'fragile' worked well and i'm sorry i didn't think of it.

[Wildcard]

A hard look at an old subject. I'll have another look at it later. Thanks for the read.

[Ca ne fait rien]

An uncomfortable duet has erupted

beside stoically frozen pictures,
digital heartbeats
and electric impulses.

Injuries peeled away like egg shells,
fragilely calcified
exposing the soft underbelly of deceit;

love is rarely enough.

The dction made me read this slowly and deliberately- each word rolled around and counted, although it was difficult to enunciate 'fragilely calcified'.
The expression of sensitivity comes across really well.

[heslopian]

An uncomfortable duet has erupted "Uncomfortable" and "erupted" make strange bedfellows. The former implies a kind of dormant unease, while the latter is flamboyant. Still, I think it works, and is interesting simply because of its unusual nature.

beside stoically frozen pictures, Are both adjectives needed? How about just "beside stoic pictures"?
digital heartbeats
and electric impulses. I like the semantic field "digital" and "electric" create, denying humanity almost.

Injuries peeled away like egg shells, Nice image.
fragilely calcified
exposing the soft underbelly of deceit; Another good semantic field at work here with "egg shells", "fragilely" and "soft".

love is rarely enough. This line doesn't make sense - should be "rare" - but I'm wondering if it's supposed to?

Thanks for the read, Aish