(content) The Poet Considers...

[heslopian]

I'm a people watcher. Provided those people are men
with small arses, big packages. Walking through this sullen town
bearing torsos to the sun, and my eyes (these colder stars).

I'm a dreamer too. I dream about being followed
down some muddy path, behind a certain pub, by one such
transient male. Sucking and fucking in bushes.

I'm a poet mostly, though. I like to watch, dream and create,
take inspiration from the greats. But I'd burn all my poems
for a shot at 69, and the greats for anal sex.

[billy]

i know it's not a humorous poem jack but the last verse made smile, knowing that the
first thing the 1st person would do after sex, would be to write a poem about it, no matter what promise the poet made
the last verse makes the poem for me. would "those colder" read better as "these colder"?
after a few reads i can't see has to how i would change anything but the tense nit.

thanks for the read jack.

[heslopian]

It's meant to be a piss take of poets who take themselves too seriously (like me) so smiling isn't the wrong reaction I like your "these" suggestion. I'll make the edit now.
Cheers for the feedback.

[Wildcard]

Hi Jack,
   The first starts out like a Dave Barry article. I read the poem laughing out loud, but then I read billy's post and wondered if I should be laughing. I think it's a smooth read and although shocking, it closes very well.

[heslopian]

I'm afraid I don't know who Dave Barry is
It was supposed to a funny poem, or at least a parody of po-faced writers, so I'm delighted you laughed
Thanks for the feedback, AA.

[Todd]

Jack,

Love the poem, funny as hell.

I do have a suggestion for you. Some of your strongest lines are these:

I'm a people watcher. Provided those people are men

I'm a dreamer too. I dream about being followed

You've got comedic timing in both of those lines, the second phrase in both cases seems to be like a sly aside or an afterthought.

In the third section though:

I'm a poet mostly, though. I like to watch, dream and create,

I think the second phrase doesn't have that aside quality. I don't know if I'm making sense but I hope that placing them in the thread as I've done will point out what I'm getting at. It may just be me Jack, but wanted to mention it.

A great read. It made me laugh. I suspect there are many poets that would trade literary grace for getting laid.

Best,

Todd

[Wildcard]

Dave Barry is a columnist for the Miami Herald and is fond of some very opposite language. His work is an aquired taste and the only similarity is your opening line.

[heslopian]

I think I get what you mean, Todd. The first two stanzas' opening lines use misdirection, set ups followed by punchlines, whereas the third just gives the set up.
Thanks for the feedback

[addy]

This is brilliant! I loved reading it. I agree with Todd about your great sense of comic timing, from subtle to laugh out loud. "These colder stars" was a great addition... the narrator creates poetry, even as he's perving away A very solid piece, imo

[heslopian]

Thanks for the kind words, Addy