Lost

[Loveblind]

something, I quickly wrote in 10 minutes for my class. But, I want to fix it up and really make it a poem. Thanks

Lost

Viciously you strangled my neck
The glow in your pupils spitting back fire
Days after days, months, I became a wreck
For a long time this had been your desire

Constant punches to the jaw
Thick blood pouring from the inside of my mouth
The motive was clear, but the picture wasn’t drawn
Purple stains all over my arms

Bent over to the ground, I wept
Yet, that didn’t stop the bickering
Jaded from all the suffering, but I accepted
The candle at night flickered

Dreary depressing days, I prayed
Maybe this day, you wouldn't pull my hair
Or repeatably punch my face today
Suffocating my face until I had no air

The mischievous laugh after you beat me
Fearful, to look into your eyes
A force hit to my nose with your knees
White little lies I believed, as I cried

The burden couldn’t last forever
Covering up the black eyes with makeup
No more broken ribs ever,
The only thing left was a break up

[billy]

this is just my opinion; remove anything in bold.
add anything underlined.
revised in italics

Viciously you strangled my neck
The glow in your pupils spitting back fire........spat
Days after days,months, I became a wreck
For a long time this had been your desire

Constant punches to the jaw
Thick blood pouring
from the inside of my mouth
The motive was clear
but the picture wasn’t drawn
Purple stains all over my arms....my arms Purple stained

Bent over to the ground, I wept
Yet, that didn’t stop the bickering ....it
Jaded from all the suffering
but I accepted.
The candle flickered at night

Dreary depressing days, I prayed....depressed
Maybe this day, you wouldn't pull my hair....today
Or repeatably punch my face today....ed
Suffocating my face until I had no air...me

The mischievous laugh after you beat me ...that
the Fearful, to look into your eyes
A force hit to my nose with your knees..forceful
White little lies I believed, as I cried

The burden couldn’t last forever
Covering up the black eyes with makeup
No more broken ribs ever,
The only thing left was a break up reverse the last two lines


i haven't added anything as such and it's okay to ignore what i say.
as is the poem is still all yours
i think it needs some images to make it even more powerful but lets take short steps to start with

thanks for the read loveblind