All the Genteel Killers

[heslopian]

There is something so intense and pure
about a US crime novel.
Dealers, dames, drenched raincoats,
a wayward hero drinking scotch
as the boffins carve the corpse.
Something so unpretentious,
removed from pink morality.

Once the English summers died
and all the genteel killers left
in paddy wagons down the lanes,
I closed my Christie's, Allingham's,
and sought out Raymond Chandler.

This vision of a world defined
by hungry greed and violence,
righted only by the hand
of an alcoholic cop,
a non-committal private dick,
holds the comfort of escape,
and the soul of realness.

[Todd]

Hi Jack,

I've given this one some thought, and I want to give you some comments on it:

I think the fact that you introduce Christie and Allingham and then move on to Chandler means you could and should cut line 2 (imo). I think being more subtle in that regard will help the poem. I love your title. I absolutely love these lines:

Once the English summers died
and all the genteel killers left
in paddy wagons down the lanes,

That first one especially is so good.

The only other call out from me is I'm not really fond of the last line. I don't think it says a whole lot and it doesn't have much impact.

Beyond those two issues, I really love the idea behind the poem and I think your phrasing and build up is very effective. Where you are good you are very good. Where (for me) it feels off it's more of a slight disappointment for what could be (I don't think my call outs are saying the poem is bad just that I think you have an opportunity to hit harder with it).

Well, take from that what you will Jack

Best,

Todd

[billy]

There is something so intense and pure
about a US crime novel.
Dealers, dames, drenched raincoats,
a wayward hero drinking scotch
as the boffins carve the corpse. is 'the' needed?
Something so unpretentious,
removed from pink morality.

Once the English summers died
and all the genteel killers left would left work better on the next line
in paddy wagons down the lanes, would down the lanes be better on it's own line with country before lanes?
I closed my Christie's, Allingham's, US crime novels?
and sought out Raymond Chandler. great verse

This vision of a world defined
by hungry greed and violence,
righted only by the hand
of an alcoholic cop,
a non-committal private dick,
holds the comfort of escape,
and the soul of realness. now were US

my one real nit is; would the 2nd verse work as the first verse. in which case the english novelists wouldn't pull us up short, it would also set us up for the parts relevant to the title.

that aside my other points are small nits on what i perceive to be a really good poem. while i like the 2nd verse, the last verse is my favourite. specially 'a non-committal private dick,'

thanks for the read and the memory, i read a few chandler book a long time ago.