Kiss The Host

[ICSoria]

They drift on past the bourgeoisie,
kiss the host and bend the knee
to nonchalantly, make their presence known;
Chanel, Lancôme, designer pheromone
exuding from their silky napes.
Legitimized, respected drunks
showing off their social pedigrees
while all the twisted family histories,
lie folded, hidden, tucked away,
and locked in golden steamer trunks.

I.C.Soria
©2011

[billy]

They drift on past the bourgeoisie,
kiss the host and bend the knee
to nonchalantly, make their presence known;
Chanel, Lancôme, designer pheromone
exuding from their silky napes.
Legitimized, respected drunks
showing off their social pedigrees
while all the twisted family histories,
lie folded, hidden, tucked away,
and locked in golden steamer trunks.

I.C.Soria
©2011

i'm not too sure of the title, for me it would have been better if it were something that depicts who they are. eg, if it were actors you could call it "the darlings" here it socialites and i won't say any more on the subject
i would have liked to have seen the rhyme scheme of the 1st 4 lines carried on but that's a small nit. i think it would read better with a more structured meter because it's got quite a bit of rhythm going on.
as for the content; a good image of the upper classes at play i like the juxtaposition of social and family; one open and flamboyant while the other is secret and shady.
altogether a good poem, for me a small edit would make it even better. (jmo)

thanks for the read.

[ICSoria]

Thank you for taking the time, Billy.
I will definitely consider all suggestions,

Sid

[Todd]

Sid,

I don't have anything to offer by way of critique(sorry about that). I liked the poem, and I especially liked your word choices. Nothing about them felt mailed in. They felt like exactly the right words. Again, sorry I couldn't be more helpful, all I can offer is my appreciation for a pleasurable read.

Best,

Todd

[Leanne]

Well now, haven't you got that set pegged perfectly?

I love what you're saying... I have a couple of suggestions on how you might say it slightly more rhythmically, though of course this is only from my own reading and might sound entirely different in your head.

They drift on past the bourgeoisie,
to kiss the host and bend the knee
to nonchalantly (remove , ) make their presence known;
Chanel, Lancôme, designer pheromone
exuding from their silky napes.
Legitimized, respected drunks
show off their social pedigrees
while all their twisted histories,
lie folded, hidden, tucked away,
and locked in golden steamer trunks.

I.C.Soria
©2011

[ICSoria]

Within a very short time on these forums, I have come to deeply respect the critiques offered. That said: I have reviewed this in my mind from every angle and, with all due respect to everyone's opinions, decided to make only minor final changes:
Leanne, I liked the suggestion of removing "family" but decided not to add the extra "to" in the second line as I like having the slight pause that is otherwise created between the first and second lines.
I still like the title.

Thank you all for the comments and for helping me analyze it further. I appreciate it more than you know.

Kiss The Host (Revised)

They drift on past the bourgeoisie,
kiss the host and bend the knee
to nonchalantly make their presence known;
Chanel, Lancôme, designer pheromone
exuding from their silky napes.
Legitimized, respected drunks
showing off their social pedigrees,
while all their twisted histories
lie folded, hidden, tucked away,
and locked in golden steamer trunks.

Kiss The Host (Original)

They drift on past the bourgeoisie,
kiss the host and bend the knee
to nonchalantly, make their presence known;
Chanel, Lancôme, designer pheromone
exuding from their silky napes.
Legitimized, respected drunks
showing off their social pedigrees
while all the twisted family histories,
lie folded, hidden, tucked away,
and locked in golden steamer trunks.

I.C.Soria

[billy]

and thank you for sharing your work and your edits wit us Sid.
our opinions are ours. that you weigh them is enough

[heslopian]

They drift on past the bourgeoisie, Is the comma needed?
kiss the host and bend the knee
to nonchalantly, make their presence known;
Chanel, Lancôme, designer pheromone
exuding from their silky napes.
Legitimized, respected drunks
showing off their social pedigrees
while all the twisted family histories, Is the comma needed? Here I would say it actually interferes with the grammar a bit.
lie folded, hidden, tucked away,
and locked in golden steamer trunks. Is "steamer" needed? "Golden trunks" I think would make for a more concise and impressive image.

I.C.Soria
©2011

An enjoyable read. It reminds me of Jane Austen, Agatha Christie, Evelyn Waugh, and all those writers who so clearly evoked the priviliged classes as they engaged in their weird rituals. Thanks for the read, Soria.

[billy]

i'm sorry and i do apologise to both you jack and sid.

but i watched an austin powers movie. and the line
'and locked in golden trunks' made me think of gold member.
i will be available for beatings at a later date. "i thanks you"

[heslopian]

You child, Bilbo I love that movie