The Room

[heslopian]

The room is silent, like a glass
resting on a windowsill,
catching light as new days pass;
the room is silent, like a glass.
That books and chairs are here is farce,
each one becomes a hollow pill;
the room is silent, like a glass
resting on a windowsill.

[Leanne]

This is at once both tranquil and disturbing -- I feel like I should be holding my breath. Excellent refrains. L5 seems to force the grammar just a fraction, but I can't think of a quick fix at the moment. I would probably suggest seeking a metaphor for L6 rather than a simile, as "like" occurs a few too many times in a very short poem.

Overall, though, this is a very effective triolet.

[billy]

excellent effort jack.
if has an emptiness that evokes
the emotion. can't really give any constructive feedback apart
from asking if 'becomes' works better than 'is like'

nicelt done and thanks for the read.

[addy]

I love the simile you chose: "like a glass resting on the windowsill"... it evokes the emptiness that you expound on in the text of the poem, but of course there's the subtext that it could just break.

[heslopian]

Thank you all for your great feedback and kind words. I will change "is like" in L6 to "becomes"; I think that'll improve the line tenfold.

[Leanne]

Perfect

[Todd]

Jack, I love the simile. This is one of the best things I've read from you. No nits from me.

Best,

Todd

[heslopian]

Thanks very much Todd

[ICSoria]

This is actually a very good example of a Triolet in a tight tetrameter. The only nit that I would pic is L5, which is not a perfect rhyme, though that does not bother me as much as the way you have slightly contorted the grammar, as Leanne has already pointed out. Even so, I enjoyed this and add my endorsement of your very pleasing simile.

Sid

[heslopian]

Thank you for the feedback and kind words ICSoria