Adorn

[jadielue]

Odin-esque feathers, decrepit of vision and liquor.
Always on the outs with another floozy bird turned
grey. I don't recall the night this week, only street-
lights aglow with reflections. The elderly passing,
seemingly weightless together, twined, heart in hand
as they slow to a brisk step or two. And the teens,
the weathered years. They always seem to change
so quickly, mostly for the worst, but there's always
better. Somewhere. They, heart in pocket, hand in
hand, run to where they're going. The unheard of.
That place.

[addy]

Ooh, I like the structure you used for this piece... it suggests a steady, droning bleakness you have to look through and dramatically belies the heart of the piece. Expertly done. One of my favorites from you, even . I'm afraid I have very little I could comment on

Oden-esque feathers I'm afraid i don't get the reference , decrepit of vision and liquor.
Always on the outs with another floozy bird turned
grey. I don't recall the night this week, only street-
lights aglow with reflections. The elderly passing,
seemingly weightless together love this bit, twined, heart in hand
as they slow to a brisk step or two. And the teens,
the weathered years. They always seem to change
so quickly, mostly for the worst, but there's always
better. Somewhere. Nice fluorish They, heart in pocket, hand in
hand nice twist to "heart in hand", run to where they're going. The unheard of.
That place.

[jadielue]

Thanks a bunch, Addy! Oden is a Norse god, I do believe.

[Aish]

Odin is the Norse God who ruled Asgard, He is associated with war, victory, death, battle, magic, wisdom, and prophecy.

---

Oden-esque feathers, decrepit of vision and liquor.
Always on the outs with another floozy bird turned
grey. Sorry, I am not keen on your opening two lines. They seem erroneous and out of place.I don't recall the night this week, only street-
lights aglow with reflections. The elderly passing,
seemingly weightless together, twined, heart in hand
as they slow to a brisk step or two. This is a beautiful image, I love seeing elderly couples who are at ONE with each other. And the teens,
the weathered years. Weathered years is more demonstrative of the elderly couple.They always seem to change
so quickly, mostly for the worst, but there's always
better. Somewhere. Is 'Somewhere' necessary?They, heart in pocket, hand in
hand, run to where they're going. The unheard of.
That place.

[jadielue]

Nothing is out of place here, I'm afraid, Aish. Thank you so much for your comment.

[billy]

Oden-esque feathers, decrepit of vision and liquor.
Always on the outs with another floozy bird turned
grey. I don't recall the night this week, only street- the enjambment here and above feels a little off
lights aglow with reflections. The elderly passing, i love 'elderly passing' for me it works on more than one level
seemingly weightless together, twined, heart in hand is seemingly needed?
as they slow to a brisk step or two. And the teens, slow to brisk intimates they were running
the weathered years. They always seem to change
so quickly, mostly for the worst, but there's always
better. Somewhere. They, heart in pocket, hand in
hand, run to where they're going. The unheard of.
That place.

i've been in and out of this poem like a dart in a dartboard.
mainly because of the 1st line. (it's Odin-esque btw )
i get a feeling that it refers to someone whose unfaithful.
odin had two ravens; hugin and mugin (i think) who flew the earth each night collecting thoughts and memories which they gave to odin. i take the line to be that these two items have been stolen via age and booze.
by a loved one who went astray , not knowing what he had. and thats why the 1st person is making such observations. i'm still working through the poem which is working on a few levels for me, it strikes me as a poem that asks why. i wish i could have brought something solid to the feedback but it's a winding sort of poems that has ambiguity all over it, (which isn't a bad thing)

thanks for the read

[addy]

D'oh! Odin makes perfect sense... gorgeous line.

[jadielue]

@ Billy, thank you for the spell-check! @ Addy, glad it makes sense now.