Youth

[heslopian]

this morning I sat in the lounge
with the air conditioner on full blast
and the curtains closed,
badly scrambled eggs sloshing around
with metallic tasting bacon
in my stomach.

earlier when I bent down
to pick something up off the floor
I worried my knee cap might pop out of place.

somewhere a 16 year old boy
is fucking his girlfriend. down the road
2 18 year olds are playing PS3.

I look at my hands. wrinkled and brown.
in 5 days I'll be 20. I feel like a relic
from the blitz.

[billy]

the poem feels introspective to a point of sadness.
the worry in it is toxic. and the feeling of self-worth is low.
the poem leads to the last verse which brings a shallower write
to a much deeper level. as a snippet come filler, the 2nd verse is excellent.
not too sure of the 3rd adding much but it that could just be me.
a good original poem.

thanks for the read

[addy]

Love the "metallic tasting bacon line"... it conveys the experience in such an original way. In fact that entire first strophe was great in that you used descriptions of sensation and bare fact to make the sadness just ithe reader, without once bringing up any emotion or the typical emotional cues. And I agree with Billy, that last part elevates it beautifully. Great work with this

[heslopian]

Thank you for your kind words and feedback Bilbo. The third verse was intended to contrast the lives of normal teenagers with the narrator, thus recalling the title.

[billy]

as is often the case; the 3rd verse thing could just be down to me