Eulogy

[heslopian]

my old head of year has died of cancer.
i remember sitting in her office in high school
and she had grey hair which shone like nettles
as the sun through the window behind her lit it.

everything could be explained by hormones
in her opinion, or so it seemed at the time.
sadness, fights, abuse, bullying,
all down to your biology, growing like bacteria.

i accused her once of emotional blackmail
and she vanquished me with stern dulcet tones
which reminded me I was a kid. she was nice though.
in the way all small women with well groomed children
and healthy salaries are nice. she wore a beige jacket
and wandered the halls with a clipboard. she was nice.

and now she's gone and i've agreed
to attend a wake on the beach, where empty gestures
will be made with purple ribbons, torches, songs,
as though we're pagans worshipping wicker.

i'll always remember the light in her hair,
how dark her office was, and how unnaturally normal she seemed.

[addy]

Not much to comment on here imo... I loved it. A great, thoughtful study. It's always interesting to see things through your narrative filter.

my old head of year has died of cancer.
i remember sitting in her office in high school
and she had grey hair which shone like nettles
as the sun through the window behind her lit it.

everything could be explained by hormones
in her opinion, or so it seemed at the time.
sadness, fights, abuse, bullying,
all down to your biology, growing like bacteria. I like this intro into her character, so succint and telling about who she is and the figure she played to the narrator

i accused her once of emotional blackmail
and she vanquished me with the stern, dulcet tones
which reminded me I was a kid. she was nice though.
in the way all small women with well groomed children
and healthy salaries are nice. she wore a beige jacket
and wandered the halls with a clipboard. she was nice. Like the unease this repetition brought

and now she's gone and i've agreed to attend
a wake-like I didn't really like the description "wake-like", its vagueness does convey an awkwardness that fits with the piece party on the beach, where empty gestures
will be made with purple ribbons, torches, songs,
as though we're pagans worshipping wicker.

i'll always remember the light in her hair,
how dark her office was, and how unnaturally normal she seemed. Great image of white, black, and grey.

[heslopian]

Thank you for the comment Addy. I don't like "wake-like" either, but I couldn't for the life of me think of the proper term for such a gathering. "Party" seemed grossly inappropriate

[billy]

my old head of year has died of cancer. is has needed?
i remember sitting in her office in high school
and she had grey hair which shone like nettles is and needed?
as the sun through the window behind her lit it. would illuminated or something other than lit work better
great opening verse though i stumbled a little on L3, and 4.

everything could be explained by hormones
in her opinion, or so it seemed at the time.
sadness, fights, abuse, bullying,
all down to your biology, growing like bacteria.
this verse is great i love the last line. it shows she's old school, excellent

i accused her once of emotional blackmail
and she vanquished me with the stern, dulcet tones is the and the comma needed
which reminded me I was a kid. she was nice though.
in the way all small women with well groomed children
and healthy salaries are nice. she wore a beige jacket
and wandered the halls with a clipboard. she was nice.
another good verse. the descriptive you lay down works so well and the nice three times also worked well for me, i like repetition when it works like this in enforcing the original word.

and now she's gone and i've agreed to attend
a wake-like party on the beach, where empty gestures why not just 'a wake on the beach' just bring down 'to attend' before it.(that's if it helps)
will be made with purple ribbons, torches, songs,would 'and songs' work better
as though we're pagans worshipping wicker. love this line, it reminds me of the wicker man (film)

i'll always remember the light in her hair,
how dark her office was, and how unnaturally normal she seemed.
nice ending.

i thoroughly like it. you made her seem real and of substance.
i like how you mix your like of her with the disdain at having to go to
her beach party come wake.

for me it had a few small nit but all in all i think it was an almost excellent write. thanks for the read.

[heslopian]

Thank you for the feedback and kind words Billy. I really like the idea of removing the "the" and the comma from the second line of the third verse. That would improve the flow tenfold. I'll make the edit once I've posted this comment. Same with "to attend" and "wake". I agree with you about the last two lines of the first verse although - and I know this sounds strange - I like the stumbling effect they create. Thanks again.

[billy]

the last two line thing;

it doesn't sound strange, if that's what you want to achieve then leave it as is

[heslopian]

Thanks Bilbo