Walls

[jadielue]

Hands overhead,
wholly missing your
place between my
covers, our bed.

Tensing, and teasing,
rising, falling. Breaths
like shadows bloom
on the ceiling.

What more do I need
to affix your body here?
Step by step by step,
gravel snapping, tongues
twisting, fingers biting
prints across bare thighs.

Brads, tacks, and screws
pinching. Renting themselves
from our humid walls.

[addy]

Love the quiet, intimate tension here, the immediateness of it. Not much I can comment on really.

Hands overhead,
wholly missing your
place between my
covers, our bed. "my covers, our bed" is an awesome line

Tensing, and teasing,
rising, falling. Breaths Very nice
like shadows bloom
on the ceiling.

What more do I need
to affix your body here?
Step by step by step,
gravel gravel? is this in a bedroom? snapping, tongues
twisting, fingers biting
prints across bare thighs.

Brads, tacks, and screws this is just one example of what I like in your style here... you constantly color the setting with he same tension (the walls, ceiling, etc)
pinching. Renting themselves
from our humid walls.

[billy]

Hands overhead, are these your hands over your head? i had to come back to the 1st line a few times to get it right
wholly missing your
place between my
covers, our bed.

Tensing, and teasing,
rising, falling. Breaths
like shadows bloom should there be a coma or a hyphen after bloom
on the ceiling. great verse

What more do I need
to affix your body here?
Step by step by step,
gravel snapping, tongues
twisting, fingers biting
prints across bare thighs. this is my fave, great image in the last three lines of it

Brads, tacks, and screws
pinching. Renting themselves
from our humid walls. strong end verse

my take; the 1st person in the poem is imagining him with her, seeing their lovers image as a vivid reality while alone in metaphoric walls of you and your lover. (i know i'm prob well wrong but it's what i see and that's okay )

the first line threw me a little jadie, i wasn't sure how to read it. some of you images are fresh and strong. strong enough to allow me to forget the 1st once i'd gotten into the poem. one which i found to be intense in the need and sad in the alones jmo

thanks for the read.

[jadielue]

Thank you, both. It is my first "erotic" poem and I'm more than happy I did well in your eyes!

[billy]

i like erotic that isn't in yer face, (hey, i just did an innuendo )