The Grand Ole Optical Road Song

[jadielue]

We never could make love properly.
Our first date dream of the Grand Ole
Opry.

One hell of a night, it was cold,
oh winter's bite had my femurs
in a vice, oh then I saw you.

Daggers, believers, lovers -
deceivers, is it not, my darlin'
all the same?

In the restaurant, the hopeless
bars, the attempted french kiss
beneath the stars, yeah, that's
right, where I got all these scars.


Driving up to lover's lane where other
boys and girls were playin', I swear
I've never since felt the same.


We'll make love, with hush in your veins.
Watch the powder fall grain by grain,
for offspring, for God, for Nixon's sake.


We never could make love properly.
Our first date dream of the Grand Ole
Opry.


What will you do now? I could never
afford those damned kids anyhow,
the government never let us have a say.

You're in the tub, cut, swollen, and blue,
you're so lonesome now you won't even
move. Oh, honey, I, oh, honey, I.

I'll die just to prove I'm always right there
next to you. Oh honey, I, oh honey, I.
I've loved you since the day you caught
my eye!

We never could make love properly.
Our first date dream of the Grand Ole
Opry.

Dear God, don't let her see me cry...

[addy]

Damn, this is painful, especially with the contrast against such earnest attempts at love and happiness. Lots of images to love in this piece... I especially liked "cut, swollen, and blue..." segueing to "lonesome".

Just imo, i don't think you need to put the refrain in quotation marks, but that's a little nit and I respect the stylistic choice.

[billy]

"We never could make love properly.
Our first date dream of the Grand Ole
Opry." Would the refrain work better without the quotes or if it were italicised

One hell of a night, it was cold,
oh winter's bite had my femurs
in a vice, oh then I saw you.

Daggers, believers, lovers -
deceivers, is it not, my darlin'
all the same?

In the restaurant, the hopeless
bars, the attempted french kiss
beneath the stars, yeah, that's
right, where I got all these scars.


Driving up to lover's lane where other
boys and girls were playin', I swear
I've never since felt the same.


We'll make love, with hush in your veins.
Watch the powder fall grain by grain,
for offspring, for God, for Nixon's sake.


"We never could make love properly.
Our first date dream of the Grand Ole
Opry."


What will you do now? I could never
afford those damned kids anyhow,
the government never let us have a say.

You're in the tub, cut, swollen, and blue,
you're so lonesome now you won't even
move. Oh, honey, I, oh, honey, I.

I'll die just to prove I'm always right there
next to you. Oh honey, I, oh honey, I.
I've loved you since the day you caught
my eye!

"We never could make love properly.
Our first date dream of the Grand Ole
Opry."

Dear God, don't let her see me cry...

i tried singing it but my voice is crap.
normally i'd wonder if oh's could be got rid off but this is country.
and in it the oh's work

the death and love images work really well and the poem flows along without hold up and for me could be a decent country song, (though i'm no aficionado) jmo.

thanks for the read.

[Aish]

By the end I was singing "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry".

Would like to hear it sang, but I think it translates nicely enough to print.

[jadielue]

Thank you, guys, it is painful. I may be able to arrange having it sang, lol. Thank you, again.

[billy]

don't get me wrong jadie, it reads well as a poem as well. i just thought it was good country hehe.