The Etheridge of Solvent

[jadielue]

Out in the desert, on
a dirt road, apples fall
to their tired deaths and
drown in harmony with
the earth.

Pending suspension
between the fabric
that we walk on and
the amber gear lands.

To ponder such things
tears a hole. Somewhere.




"Death is a delightful hiding-
place for weary men." ~ Herodotus.

[billy]

Out in the desert, on would on work better on the next line
a dirt road, apples fall
to their tired deaths and
drown in harmony with
the earth.

Pending suspension
between the fabric
that we walk on and
the amber gear lands.

To ponder such things
tears a hole. Somewhere.




"Death is a delightful hiding-
place for weary men." ~ Herodotus.

i have no idea what or who the etheridge of solvent is i did a google and got a band and a knight, still non the wiser i carried on

the poem feels a little trippy in a physics kind of way, or a kind of Schrödinger cat trippy,

the hole tear is i presume something akin to the space time continuum of wherever ,
in truth the poem feels like a reflection on life. other than that and the fact i like it i can't give any feedback per say, apart from enjambment;

words like on, and with, to of, it etc usually read better at the start of the sentence as opposed to the end. (of course they are exceptions)

thanks for the read as always jadie.

[jadielue]

The Etheridge of Solvent is a made up thing, I made it up in fact. It's catchy, and apparently intriguing. Yes, it is a trippy piece of work. Welcome. And thanks for reading and commenting.

[billy]

sometimes it's the trippy stuff that leaves the biggest impression as it can be taken many ways.
love the 'The Etheridge of Solvent' as a title

[addy]

Out in the desert, on
a dirt road, apples fall
to their tired deaths and
drown in harmony with
the earth. Love the atmosphere you've established here (love the "tired deaths" line), and I like you're creative use of ""drown" in a desert scene

Pending suspension
between the fabric
that we walk on and
the amber gear lands. very unique way to put it

To ponder such things
tears a hole. Somewhere. I like the quirk in that ending

I always like poetry with a little philosophy in it. This is, if i read it correctly, about the space where life and death intertwine. It was beautifully done. Thanks for this

[jadielue]

Thank you, Addy. In fact, it is about where life and death intertwine. I don't normally give my take away so easily because the reader's should be able to take what suffices them from it but hey, you gotta break a heart to make art, right? Haha. Thanks again.

[Todd]

This has such a cool ambiguity to it. The images seem clear yet I feel I'm dancing around the meaning. Here are some impressions.

The title is cool no idea what Etheridge is, but the idea of solvent fits with the decomposition of the apples. The disolving of life into its baser elements.

Out in the desert, on
a dirt road, apples fall
to their tired deaths and
drown in harmony with
the earth.

I'm struck that we have apples growing, ripening, and falling out in the desert. You would think the desert wouldn't be the right place for it. It feels like we're dropping contradictions (or probably paradoxes would be the better word) side-by-side. I love the image of the apples. I love that it's life in the midst of barrenness. Tired deaths is great as is drown in harmony. My only suggestions for this strophe are (again use what you like ignore the rest):

L1: Agree with Billy on moving the preposition down a line and breaking on desert.

L3: It's a bias I know but I also don't really like breaks on "and" I'd consider dropping that down a line as well.

L4-5: While I don't mind "with the earth" you could choose to cut the phrase. It may make it all a little more ambiguous, but it also might be a stronger choice--just an option.

Pending suspension
between the fabric
that we walk on and
the amber gear lands.

Now this part is awesome. This alludes back to tenuous hanging of the apples before the drop and seems to tie into human existence. I love that life is seen as this fabric that we walk on. It makes it seem more fragile. It isn't bedrock, or any kind of stone. The membrane bends and sways--I like that a lot. The amber gear lands is probably my favorite phraase in the entire poem. It's evocative. It has sort of a steampunk post-apocalyptic feel to it. It also makes me think of life as a machine and contemplate bugs caught in amber. The image has a lot of echoes in it.

Only suggestion here:

L7: again my bias on the and. I'd consider shifting the contraction down one line.

To ponder such things
tears a hole. Somewhere.

Beautiful ending. It points back to the fabric, but also makes us think that there is something dangerous about staring too closely at the nature of things. I like the ambiguous "somewhere". Again, I like how this poem moves forward but always points back to its earlier images. Very subtle...It's a cool memorable write.

Best,

Todd




"Death is a delightful hiding-
place for weary men." ~ Herodotus.

[heslopian]

I think the final quote should come before the poem as an epigram, but that's literally the only fault I can pick with this incredible slice of stunning, compelling, mystifying snapshot poetry. The last verse is the perfect closer. There’s something dark, something concealed about this poem, and that hidden quality is a delight to ponder. Thanks for the read Jade.

[jadielue]

Thank you all. It was a great accomplishment to write this.