Lure

[jadielue]

Juxtaposed lovers covered.


Lanky and high, romping
in the sheets like pin-ups
on walls.

His tactics were radioactive
as her form took shape.

Police tape stained the
coverlet, pooling at their
feet.

[billy]

the title held little for me, i think it could have been more of a give away.

the poem however is another thing.
it gives a great image especially the last
it can't help but make me think of their blood.
in truth i don't think i'd fault any of it.

thanks for the read.

[heslopian]

I don't like the addendum "on walls" to the first stanza after your opening line, but other than that I agree with Billy, this is a powerful poem with some great images, and said opening line is a masterpiece of concise storytelling.

[addy]

Juxtaposed lovers covered.


Lanky, no need for comma? and high, romping
in the sheets like pin-ups I like the picture-perfect image it conjures, though I don't normally associate pin-up with a dynamic word like romp
on walls.

His tactics were radioactive
as her form took shape. Excellent... made me think of human radiation shadows scorched by the a-bomb

Police tape stained the
coverlet, pooling at their
feet. Good ending, teasing and intriguing

You have a way with images it seems. Really interesting stuff

[jadielue]

Oh, Jack, Jack, Jack...I like the "On walls" part! Lol.

Billy, the title is meant to be vague and entirely weak compared to the poem, I just prefer that in my work. But thank you, glad you liked the poem part.

Addy, yes the comma must go, ugh, shame I didn't see it sooner I would have liked your experience to have been better. :/ Thanks so much though.