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You were conceived in passion.
Just before the fall of your Camelot.
Your birth was met with bliss on tap,
King Midas filling his challis and drinking you in,
intoxicated with infinite pride.
The first born, the only son, of an only son.
Our father becomes immortal on this day, able to live on, in you.
King Midas's boy Prince, cast in gold,
preserving a perfect genetic blend
of both he and his queen.
You and light share so much in his eyes,
the sun's reflection off your cheek,
will illuminate the way to your Camelot,
where the Kings darkness once kept the path hidden.
He believes that you were kissed by God,
with such a beautiful and masculine face,
full of so many expressions, all true.
Evoking random acts of kindness,
by the softness in your eyes,
you brought with you smiles of legacy,
keeping in mind grins from nowhere
are not accidental.
The King DID smile upon you,
his golden boy child,
knowing nothing of wrong,
you will never have a need to know of it.
I was conceived for procreation,
his highness wanting a second son.
I arrive in the shadow that follows behind you,
to the great disappointment of the King,
into the Kingdom, a royal girl child is thrust.
My birth was met with obligatory congratulations,
forced bows and crooked curtsies,
our father excepting them with a false show of pride.
Forged from Brass, I'm not cast in gold
by the Midas touch of the king.
Only looking the same when polished,
I am left to tarnish, baptized
in the salt water of our mothers tears.
Second to be born, into a second class.
With a silent grace I except my position,
in the shade of the sun that you've eclipsed.
The Queen DID cry upon me, her baby girl child,
my skin made of armor infused with Brass,
I'll have to be stronger in integrity than Gold,
because although I know nothing of wrong,
I am forever destined, to know nothing but.
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Imagination, images and metaphors are wonderful!
Deep, thought provoking and rich work!
Thanks for sharing!
R.Y.
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Joined: Oct 2010
(05-07-2011, 10:27 PM)Ris Yerg Wrote: Imagination, images and metaphors are wonderful!
Deep, thought provoking and rich work!
Thanks for sharing!
R.Y.
Thank you R.Y. for your consideration and for taking time to read my work, you are much appreciated!
Sincerely,
fd
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05-08-2011, 11:58 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-08-2011, 02:34 PM by billy.)
(05-07-2011, 09:38 PM)ficosdarkness Wrote: You were conceived in passion.
Just before the fall of your Camelot.
Your birth was met with bliss on tap,
King Midas filling his challis and drinking you in,
intoxicated with infinite pride.
The first born, the only son, of an only son.
Our father becomes immortal on this day, able to live on, in you.
King Midas's boy Prince, cast in gold,
preserving a perfect genetic blend
of both he and his queen.
You and light share so much in his eyes,
the sun's reflection off your cheek,
will illuminate the way to your Camelot,
where the Kings darkness once kept the path hidden.
He believes that you were kissed by God,
with such a beautiful and masculine face,
full of so many expressions, all true.
Evoking random acts of kindness,
by the softness in your eyes,
you brought with you smiles of legacy,
keeping in mind grins from nowhere
are not accidental.
The King DID smile upon you,
his golden boy child,
knowing nothing of wrong,
you will never have a need to know of it.
I was conceived for procreation,
his highness wanting a second son.
I arrive in the shadow that follows behind you,
to the great disappointment of the King,
into the Kingdom, a royal girl child is thrust.
My birth was met with obligatory congratulations,
forced bows and crooked curtsies,
our father excepting them with a false show of pride.
Forged from Brass, I'm not cast in gold
by the Midas touch of the king.
Only looking the same when polished,
I am left to tarnish, baptized
in the salt water of our mothers tears.
Second to be born, into a second class.
With a silent grace I except my position,
in the shade of the sun that you've eclipsed.
The Queen DID cry upon me, her baby girl child,
my skin made of armor infused with Brass,
making me stronger in integrity than Gold,
because knowing nothing of wrong,
I am forever destined, to know nothing but.
very powerful Fd.
at first i wasn't sure of the mixed metaphors of Midas and Camelot but they work better and better as one reads the poem and become a true extended metaphor.
a poem full of resignation of station. of feeling of a lower class/caste.
for me the poem has lots of sorrow as to the 1st person pov. yet there's no show of resentment, more a pride in the strength it takes to be of lower birth. the idea that you were left to tarnish tied in really well with the brass metaphor. it shows a certain strength in face of a father's underlying disdain, though that may be too strong a word. .
the last line threw me a curve ending on 'but'
for me it deflects from the poem as a whole.
good to see the format 
thanks for the read.
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I truly enjoyed this read very much.
Many powerful lines such as ....
Your birth was met with bliss on tap (I loved this line)
intoxicated with infinite pride (great description)
You and light share so much in his eyes (again, loved this line)
I am left to tarnish, baptized
in the salt water of our mothers tears. (full of emotion)
With a silent grace I except my position,
in the shade of the sun that you've eclipsed. (very profound)
and even though we feel sadness for the second child, we are rewarded with the knowledge that she holds acceptance and understanding of her place with pride, and as billy said ... "without resentment" indicating a strong and independant character.
very well done fd, thank you 
You give to the world when you're giving your best to somebody else.
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You've been knocking it out of the park fd . Great poem about integrity and inner strength... your "character" in the face of your circumstances. The circumstances of the brass princess' birth were like a kick in the gut as I read it, but that ending that showed so much defiance and strength in it made me think "Yes. Yes." ... it's a liberating feeling which you've captured well.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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billy kath3 & addy,
It was always very important in our house that the boy child shine even on occasions that one might perceive it was my time to shine. I would always shift the attention to my brother. As I adore my brother it was never even a thought to do so, let alone an issue. I still hold him high upon that pedestal today. I had a rough childhood/life not entirely of my own making, but all that has rained down on him, he brought on himself because he has our mothers heart and wears it on his sleeve just as our mother. I've often wondered which is more painful. Pain inflicted by others or the pain that you get from others because you opened yourself up to it. I feel that through it all my brother is the most beautiful and curious creature I've ever encountered. I'm very pleased that you all get it, this means to me that you get me, very cool ladies and gents, very cool!  @ billy, I prayed that my mixing of metephors would come together in written word as they had in my minds eye, again very cool. King Midas and the story of Camelot were my absolute favorite stories when I was a child and I would often go to Camelot to hide from the greedy King when I was afraid or wounded. One thing if you will billy, could you please elaborate on your last critique about the "but" at the end?
You have all been the best! Kind, yet firm in your direction. Encouraging and critiquing with a perfect blend. Big big love to you all! Thank you again.
fd
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05-10-2011, 09:28 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-10-2011, 09:30 AM by billy.)
because knowing nothing of wrong,
I am forever destined, to know nothing but.
the syntax in the 1st line says you know nothing of wrong
the syntax in the 2nd line says you will know nothing but wrong
the but sets up a dichotomy of sorts (for me at least) and i have to do a double and third take to try and understand if what i got was correct. the but leaves me hanging though i know what it is you're saying. for me the poem has no real dichotomy or needs it.
after the last line i'm asking myself if the 1st person is now defending her position in life, the one where she still loves the brother even though he is the golden child. if so then it detracts from the whole of what i took away from the piece which is that even in knowing she was number 2 it did nothing to dampen the real love she had for the brother. jmo hehe.
because it feels like a defence then the brass and strength could also be called into question. as the but in some way feels like a weakness.
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(05-10-2011, 09:28 AM)billy Wrote: because knowing nothing of wrong,
I am forever destined, to know nothing but.
the syntax in the 1st line says you know nothing of wrong
the syntax in the 2nd line says you will know nothing but wrong
the but sets up a dichotomy of sorts (for me at least) and i have to do a double and third take to try and understand if what i got was correct. the but leaves me hanging though i know what it is you're saying. for me the poem has no real dichotomy or needs it.
after the last line i'm asking myself if the 1st person is now defending her position in life, the one where she still loves the brother even though he is the golden child. if so then it detracts from the whole of what i took away from the piece which is that even in knowing she was number 2 it did nothing to dampen the real love she had for the brother. jmo hehe.
because it feels like a defence then the brass and strength could also be called into question. as the but in some way feels like a weakness. I see what you mean... any suggestions on a fix. I don't want to detract or call into question any part of the piece and I certainly would like for all feel the whole of my love for my brother. (If that is at all possible.) What do you think?
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the only thing i can think of is to be specific.
because knowing nothing of wrong,
I am forever destined, to know nothing but.
because knowing nothing of wrong,
I am forever destined, to love him.
to forgive
to wear armour
to kneel in his shadow
to kiss his ass in public (this one is a joke, ignore it hehe)
to stand in dark places.
hope it helps Fd, the other thing you could do is leave it as is.
i'd say try and come up with a replacement for the
know nothing but;
and if you can't leave it as is.
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(05-10-2011, 09:43 AM)ficosdarkness Wrote: (05-10-2011, 09:28 AM)billy Wrote: because knowing nothing of wrong,
I am forever destined, to know nothing but.
the syntax in the 1st line says you know nothing of wrong
the syntax in the 2nd line says you will know nothing but wrong
the but sets up a dichotomy of sorts (for me at least) and i have to do a double and third take to try and understand if what i got was correct. the but leaves me hanging though i know what it is you're saying. for me the poem has no real dichotomy or needs it.
after the last line i'm asking myself if the 1st person is now defending her position in life, the one where she still loves the brother even though he is the golden child. if so then it detracts from the whole of what i took away from the piece which is that even in knowing she was number 2 it did nothing to dampen the real love she had for the brother. jmo hehe.
because it feels like a defence then the brass and strength could also be called into question. as the but in some way feels like a weakness. I see what you mean... any suggestions on a fix. I don't want to detract or call into question any part of the piece and I certainly would like for all feel the whole of my love for my brother. (If that is at all possible.) What do you think? What about if I leave a question, a kind of "what I don't know won't hurt thing?"
Because knowing nothing of wrong, how could this be?
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from my pov the but would be better.
listen fd;
lets not blow this out of proportion. maybe it's just me who see the end in such a way.
at the end of the day you wrote a great poem. if you feel it needs an edit based on some feedback take your time about it
the other thing is this, maybe most of those who read this poem will
a) enjoy the dichotomy
or
b) not even notice it.
i think;
how could this be? feels too week.
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(05-10-2011, 10:26 AM)billy Wrote: from my pov the but would be better.
listen fd;
lets not blow this out of proportion. maybe it's just me who see the end in such a way.
at the end of the day you wrote a great poem. if you feel it needs an edit based on some feedback take your time about it
the other thing is this, maybe most of those who read this poem will
a) enjoy the dichotomy
or
b) not even notice it.
i think;
how could this be? feels too week. Duely noted billy If it comes to me then I'll let it go, if not, it stands as is. Thank you sir, although the "kiss his ass" line I did find appealing. Just sayin'... 
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hehe, poetry like that is a rare gift indeed
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(05-10-2011, 03:52 PM)billy Wrote: hehe, poetry like that is a rare gift indeed
It was right there hiding from me! I did a very quick, very subtle edit. Can you see it billy, so beautiful, so simple yet maintaining it's power?
It's rock and roll man! :metal: fd has left the building folks!
:whoo:
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is it the 2nd from last line ?
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