A distraction while thinking what to write.

[billy]

I love the sultry wink of Betty Boop.
She sits on my mouse mat begging
for sex and offering to give me
sticky lip-gloss kisses.
She stretches an outlined leg
into the upper left hand corner,

and wears her heart on a garter.
I wonder if she wears panties.
A short red mini dress
rides pale pink thighs,
and heavy black mascara
adorns her lashes
as it would on some flamenco
dancer in repose
between a heavy stomp session in ruby reds.

her nose is button small
her breasts are just as cute
almost perfect for someone not so tall.
I never noticed her head size till now,
the pouting bow of her lips distracted me.

did an on the fly edit using addy's suggestions.
did another on the fly edit using jack's grammar

[addy]

I love the sultry wink of Betty Boop.
She sits on my mouse mat begging
for sex and offering to give me
sticky lip-gloss kisses.
She stretches an outlined leg
into the upper left hand corner, I like the addition of this detail, the reminder that this is a 2-d drawing

and wears her heart on a garter. funny line
I wonder if she wears panties.
A short red mini dress
rides pale pink thighs comma maybe?
and heavy black mascara adorn her eye
lashes and brow like on some flamenco cow the phrasing tripped me up here
dancer in repose
between a heavy stomp session in ruby reds.

her nose is button small
her breast are just as cute
almost perfect for someone not so tall period here maybe?
I never noticed her head size till now,
the pouting bow of her lips distracted me.

Nothing much to correct here imo. Just a cheeky fun poem

[billy]

i made some minor changes, not sure if the mascara things any better though ?

[addy]

I think it flows fine

[billy]

thanks for the help.

[heslopian]

My mother has just invested in a couple of Betty Boop dolls to go with her clowns and Franklin Mint plates, so reading this amused me somewhat.

I love the sultry wink of Betty Boop.
She sits on my mouse mat begging
for sex and offering to give me
sticky lip-gloss kisses. I like this. It sounds vulgar without really being vulgar.
She stretches an outlined leg
into the upper left hand corner,

and wears her heart on a garter.
I wonder if she wears panties.
A short red mini dress
rides pale pink thighs,
and heavy black mascara
adorns her lashes Shouldn't that be "adorns"?
as it would on some flamenco
dancer in repose Does this need a separate line?
between a heavy stomp session in ruby reds.

her nose is button small
her breasts are just as cute "Breast" should be plural.
almost perfect for someone not so tall.
I never noticed her head size till now,
the pouting bow of her lips distracted me.

did an on the fly edit using addy's suggestions.
2nd on the fly edit using jacks grammar advice. left the dancer in repose line as it was,

I really like this. It's one of those observational poems filled with an irreverent whimsy which make it a delight to read. It also has a lot to say about straight male sexuality, which I found interesting.

[billy]

thanks for the kind words jack. it was one of those; done out of boredom poems where you look around for something to write about
betty won the toss between her and a murry mint (i hope you're mum doesn't think franklin mint stuff will appreciate in value )

[heslopian]

Oh no, she doesn't have any notions of her ornaments one day turning a profit, she just likes collecting things. I don't think she really knows what Franklin Mint means, she just thinks it looks pretty.