frozen[comment please]

[srijantje]

Frozen footprints
One by one..
No company

[billy]

Frozen footprints
One by one..
No company

you're getting better sj.

the last line feels a bit awkward. can you use anything else to convey loneliness.

[srijantje]

thanks bill,i'll think about it

[srijantje]

Frozen footprints
One by one...
Endless future

[. . . .]

Sounds to me like a archeologist is discovering the fossilized foot prints of an extinct human species..

[srijantje]

good one

[addy]

I prefer the first version, actually ... less vague.

I like it either way

[srijantje]

thanks,makes me want to try again

[Benny2guns]

Yes I like it but it's too short I think, is there a 3 line or a word limit? If not I was thinking one more line might give direction.

[frenkelwilliams1234]

Its nice! I am a poet. I preferred your short word behind very real meaning.I would like to advice you to add some collections of your in your thread. It would be popular. Also as a common man i want to say to add some awakening message releasing fact!

[DUBLIN5]

lemme try'just adding a line if ya don't mind

Frozen footprints
One by one...
Endless future
Innocent Fun

[srijantje]

Its nice! I am a poet. I preferred your short word behind very real meaning.I would like to advice you to add some collections of your in your thread. It would be popular. Also as a common man i want to say to add some awakening message releasing fact!

thank you very much for your comment.actually i'm not a poet,i don't have a collection,it was made in a flash of"inspiration".what you mean by awakening message releasing fact?

[billy]

Yes I like it but it's too short I think, is there a 3 line or a word limit? If not I was thinking one more line might give direction.

as long as it's short theres no limit.
anything up to mmm, lets say six lines. as a rough guide.

[kath3]

Frozen footprints
One by one..
No company

I like your words. As I shared with your poem Time I know absolutely nothing about poetry, haven't even read any since I was in grade 4 ( haven't been there for 46 years) until tonight and you are inspiring me to possibly attempt.

I agree with billy ... the last line seems awkward and I would enjoy hearing a longer version. It has tons of potenial.