Etiquette.

[billy]

Walking on toothpicks
is a little like walking on cliché eggshells
or the broken glass of Annie Lennox.

Except one gets splinters in one's metaphorical foot
when one walks on toothpicks.

In reality and outside word-smithing
we just tiptoe through the minefields
of the living room and kitchen.

Change the channel and start WW3,
make oneself a brew and Hitler in comparison
becomes a saint of Austrian choirboys with Jewish parents.

The proportion of hate apportioned is exponential
to the square root of selfish.

"you could have made us a cuppa you lazy bastard"
they whine as they sit on their fat arses in unison.

Staring you down in the Harvey's
adverts on Coronation Street, they ask

"Get us a Kitkat from the shops love.
Put the kids to bed love.
Wash the pots love.
Walk the dog love."

"No!" I scream.

"What's wrong?" they ask mutedly.
"You don't fucking live here" I reply.

My neighbour gives me the key to next door;
"That's okay love, go turn the heating on and makes us a cuppa".

[heslopian]

Walking on toothpicks
is a little like walking on cliché I think a comma should go here in order to stop this line from running into the next. Otherwise idiots like me will end up researching "cliche eggshells" on Google.
eggshells or the broken glass
of Annie Lennox etc. "Broken glass of Annie Lennox"? Not sure I understand this reference. But then I never was a big Eurythmics fan.
Except one gets splinters
in one's metaphorical feet.

I had to think a lot about this first stanza before I was happy with how much I understood it. I don't think you need to worry about your (metaphorical) feet getting (metaphorically) splintered on clichés

In reality and outside word-smithing; Why is this line on its own? I'm not quite sure if it's the conclusion of the previous stanza or the beginning of the next. Also, as “wordsmith” is one word, and “smithing” isn’t one at all, could you just as easily take out the dash and join them up?

we just tiptoe through the minefields
of the living room and kitchen.
Change the channel and start WW3 Again I think a comma here would help define the boundaries of the syntax and separate the conjunctions. Which is ponce speak for "the lines run into each other".
make oneself a brew and Hitler Comma.
in comparison, becomes a saint
of Austrian choirboys with Jewish parents. Pithy and amusing closer.

The proportion of hate apportioned is exponential
to the square root of selfish. Excellent line. Creative, insightful and snide all at once.
"you could have made us a cuppa you lazy bastard"
they whine and sit on their fat arses in unison.
Staring you down in the Harvey's
adverts on coronation street. "Coronation Street". I know it's only a shitty soap, but it still deserves capital letters
"Get us a Kitkat from the shops love.
Put the kids to bed love.
Wash the pots love.
Walk the dog love" Everything from the first bit of diction onwards to the end of this stanza is gold. The Harvey's advert before Corrie always makes me think of warm cosy evenings with my grandparents, who watch all the soaps, so having selfishness and lethargy thrown into the mix was an amusing jolt for me.

"No!" i scream "I".

"What's wrong?" they ask mutedly.
"You don't fucking live here" i reply. "I".

My neighbour gives me the key to next door;
"That's okay love, go turn the heating on and makes us a cuppa". Marvellous end. I want to punch this neighbour square in the face, even though I suspect she's old and frail.

Great poem Bilbo. I like the way you compare how writers must walk on tiptoe to avoid the pitfalls of cliché with the etiquette used in everyday life.

[billy]

smithing is a word = to forge metal, it's what a blacksmith does his workplace is called a smithy and in it if he's a conscientious worker you'll find him busy smithing
word-smithing = to forge words.

thanks for the good feedback jacko
specially the grammar. i'll get onto it now

in response to your question about why the;

In reality and outside word-smithing; ....on it's own line. i was trying to use it as a transition from the imaginative style of metaphor,
to the down to earth style of narrative. i'll have a think about where to put it at a later day.

[heslopian]

Wow. Learn something new everyday. My spellchecker put a red line under both "smithing" and "wordsmithing" so I assumed they weren't real words. Thanks for clearing that up Bilbo.

[billy]

i made the word smithing but it has to be a goer

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here's the prufe;

wordsmithing
Definition from Wiktionary, the free dictionary
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[edit] English
[edit] Verb

wordsmithing

1. Present participle of wordsmith.

[edit] Noun

wordsmithing (uncountable)

1. The making of changes to a text to improve clarity and style, as opposed to content.

We've drafted an agreement, but there's still a bit of wordsmithing left to do.

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i just thought it was word-smithing but it turns out to be wordsmithing.

[addy]

Walking on toothpicks Never heard of this expression (if it is one, that is) but the image is intriguing nonetheless
is a little like walking on cliché,
eggshells or the broken glass
of Annie Lennox etc. not fond of the etc
Except one gets splinters
in one's metaphorical feet
when one walks on toothpicks.

In reality and outside word-smithing; I think you can take out the dash

we just tiptoe through the minefields
of the living room and kitchen.
Change the channel and start WW3,
make oneself a brew and Hitler
in comparison, becomes a saint
of Austrian choirboys with Jewish parents. LOL

The proportion of hate apportioned is exponential
to the square root of selfish. dry, witty, delicious.
"you could have made us a cuppa you lazy bastard"
they whine and sit on their fat arses in unison.
Staring you down in the Harvey's
adverts on Coronation Street.
"Get us a Kitkat from the shops love.
Put the kids to bed love.
Wash the pots love.
Walk the dog love"

"No!" I scream (period)

"What's wrong?" they ask mutedly.
"You don't fucking live here" I reply.

My neighbour gives me the key to next door;
"That's okay love, go turn the heating on and makes us a cuppa".

A great lampoon of social niceties. Not much to change in this one. I cringe to hear what you go through, but at least the upside is you wrote a great poem from it

[billy]

thanks for the feedback addy.

will do an on the fly edit using your input