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The electric fan whitens my bones.
An excuse to hold you.
We embrace like stranded mountaineers.
Like a rose opening, a fire blooming
until it grips the whole street,
my lust has taken shape, formed words.
The infant of my gross hunger
bawls for sustenance.
I suckle on your lips, your chest.
How does a teenager express
what still controls much older men?
I fuck your ass. This is not beautiful.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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3rd and forth work well jack, particularly like the 3rd.
i was a litt lost by the 1st
and the 2nd has a couple of cliché which feels too much in such a short verse.
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I knew you'd call the second verse cliche
It's the rose blooming right? I kind of stole "whitens my bones" from the poem Wuthering Heights by Sylvia Plath, who talks about heather doing that.
Thanks for your feedback Billy.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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03-22-2011, 05:44 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-22-2011, 05:45 PM by billy.)
rose opening, blooming, flowering etc.
also lust take shape feels well used.
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03-22-2011, 05:57 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-22-2011, 05:57 PM by billy.)
ris, just comment on the poem
it isn't a pissing contest it doesn't make any difference what others think
all that matters in your reply is what you think about the poem, not what you think about what someone else thinks about
sorry for pissing in your thread jack
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No problem. I just realised I put the title at the start of the poem by accident. That wasn't part of the confusion was it?
Glad you enjoyed it Ris.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
