(content warning) The Bukowski tapes

[heslopian]

in the background they’re always laughing.
whenever he belches, or swears,
or misses a line and rambles,
waves of macho hooting roll
over the microphone, drowning the wasted hermit.

he recovers and continues, unfazed,
though it must annoy him, these dickheads
who come to see a poet crumble,
use naughty language and drink,
like children poking the homeless with sticks,
then running away when they stir beneath
their bundle of sodden cardboard.

“death”, “piss and shit”, “old times” and “law”
reduced to third-rate comic bits.
sometimes they laugh when something’s funny.
mostly they think it’s hilarious when
he pauses to swig from his beer.
'what a rebel!', 'how rad!', etcetera.

ah well. he only did it for the drink anyway.
we survive how we can.
indignation is a rich man's pursuit,
and finally for those left alive.

[billy]

in the background they’re always laughing.
whenever he belches, or swears,
or misses a line and rambles,
waves of macho hooting roll
over the microphone, drowning the wasted hermit.

he recovers and continues, unfazed,
though it must annoy him, these dickheads
who come to see a poet crumble,
use naughty language and drink, naughty feels week considering the person
like children poking the homeless with sticks,
then running away when they stir beneath
their bundle of sodden cardboard.

“death”, “piss and shit”, “old times” and “law” much more like the man
reduced to third-rate comic bits.
sometimes they laugh when something’s funny.
mostly they think it’s hilarious when
he pauses to swig from his beer.
'what a rebel!', 'how rad!', etcetera.

ah well. he only did it for the drink anyway.
we survive how we can.
indignation is a rich man's pursuit,
and finally for those left alive.

my one nit is in the body, my real problem with this is the last verse. for me it's out of sync with bukowski the man and the poet. he didn't give a toss what we/anyone thought, at least not openly. he was more of a 'fuck you' kind of guy.
i think you got the audience spot on. many saw him as a spectacle. many from what i heard openly jeered and mocked him. that said many loved him and his attitude, seeing the poetry, the real poetry in the man. i was neither one of the first or the latter, though as i read some of his work i see it has a lot of quality and insight within it.

for me i think you cut the last verse and add two or three more that really show us the man/poets side of his act. make it as gritty as he was. (using your POV of course.) i think you have a decent poem here jack but i also think if you work on it you could have a publishable homage to the man poem.

thanks for the read.

i deleted the duplicate (if you want it back i can replace it

[heslopian]

Thank you for your feedback Billy. I'm a little surprised you didn't like the last verse but loved the rest. I thought the ending was the strongest part, and much of what precedes it slightly weak. Though I agree with you about his fuck the world indifference, I think he cared where his next drink would come from. He detested live readings as he felt them beneath him as an artist, but did it for the money and free booze. I might add a few more verses if a good enough idea encourages me to return to this poem.
Thanks again for the kind words and feedback.
Would "filthy" work better than "naughty"?
What do you mean you deleted the duplicate?

[billy]

there were two poems posted that were the same.

yes, filthy, nasty...that sort of meme.

here's the last verse;

ah well. he only did it for the drink anyway.
we survive how we can.
indignation is a rich man's pursuit,
and finally for those left alive.

it's really out in left field as far as the specifics of bukowski goes,
yes he did it for the drink but he also had to eat and live, it could have been said about a hundred million people.
the ah well, feels to me a little condescending. the guy was a drunken womaniser. most people we know like that we say, what a twat, etc.

the last two lines also seem to lack a little syntax (i think)

and finally for those left alive.....

finally what ? hehe.

like i said, i think you have a good poem, i think it could be a publishable one with a little work jmo.

[heslopian]

Oh sorry I didn't realise I'd posted it twice. I'll make the "naughty" change in a mo. I didn't mean the "ah well" to be condescending, and I regret that it came across as so. I meant it to reflect the lethargy in his own performances and writing style. My point was that he was like a hundred million other people, hence the line "we survive how we can". I was trying to compass the whole of humanity in "we" The last line is saying that indignation doesn't matter to him anymore, he doesn't need to be angry at the people who laughed during his dialogues; indignation is only for his modern fans, "those left alive". Writing these explanations, I'm beginning to realise just how fucking vague I was in that final stanza...

[billy]

no prob on the posting

and no need for explanation i already made my mind up and though an explanation may make me see something else.
the comment is on what i originally saw
personally if someone doesn't get something i write i have three choices,

accept it as their pov and leave the verse as is, change it, or delete it.

indignation doesn't matter to him anymore,
he doesn't need to be angry at the people who laughed;
indignation is only for his modern fans, "those left alive"

that would have made a decent last line

[heslopian]

I think I'll go for the second choice right now, though I may return to this when I'm feeling less lazy.

[billy]

i'll do some replies to your stuff which i never got too when i get in the uk jack.

i'm gonna spend what time i have left getting ready and putting some more poets in the forum.

[heslopian]

Sounds like a worthier use of your time

[billy]

never got round to it cos of a friends death.
maybe tomorrow after i've done a few more feedbacks

[heslopian]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend Billy, and thank you again for all the wonderful feedback you've given me so far. It's more than enough.