Escapement

[Naish]

My friends are in the living room waiting on snacks. 
The clock's due Friday and the catch-release keeps slipping. 
The weighting is harder than I thought.

Creak (release).
Creak (release).

She's in the attic again. Did I forget to hide the box? 
She finds it anyway, even with his name torn off.

I called him J.J.
She always stops at the first line of his project, 

my very educated mother—

Eyes closed, she knows
what's under his solar system:
shin guards, yearbook,
first retainer,
 last report card.

The floorboards 
hold her rocking.

She's got no catch.

Her song wears
through the ceiling 
and sinks to the kitchen.
Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars,


J
   
   U
      
       L
         
          I
            
            U
                  
               S

Shit. The snacks.
Smash the Doritos in the bag. For cover.
Grating cheese would be too quiet.

Creak (release) 

They’re good plain. It's not cold yet.
Porch. Just serve them on the porch.

[wasellajam]

Hi, Naish, welcome to the Pen. I like the multiplicity of the title. I think the choppy, panicked tone works both emotionally and with the escapement.

My friends are in the living room waiting on snacks. 
The clock's due Friday and the catch-release keeps slipping. 
This is the most difficult line for me. I can't settle on "due Friday". Due to be rewound? Due to be arriving? Catch-release instead of catch-recoil brings up fishing for me which I can't find elsewhere and muddies the water. It is early in the poem to have this happen.
The weighting is harder than I thought. Strong.

Creak (release).
Creak (release).

She's in the attic again. Did I forget to hide the box? 
She finds it anyway, even with his name torn off.

I called him J.J.
She always stops at the first line of his project, 

my very educated mother—
Time has moved now from dread of what's coming to the wistful past, the players are clear, perfect image.

Eyes closed, she knows
what's under his solar system:
shin guards, yearbook,
first retainer,
 last report card.

The floorboards 
hold her rocking.

She's got no catch.
Strong two lines, cause for the dread and panic.

Her song wears
through the ceiling I like the use of "wears" here.
and sinks to the kitchen.
Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars,


J
   
   U
      
       L
         
          I
            
            U
                  
               S

So I am on the fence on this drop of letters, pretty much for it. It's visually attractive and effective as a wail but I think about the matter-of-fact finality of Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Julius. has something to be said for it.

Shit. The snacks.
Smash the Doritos in the bag. For cover.
Grating cheese would be too quiet.
Is the problem that it would be too quiet of that it would delay the exit? Something feels off here.

Creak (release) 

They’re good plain. It's not cold yet.
Porch. Just serve them on the porch.
Effectively disconcerted lines and solution.

I think this is a very solid piece and am enjoying it. My crit is a little lightweight for this forum but I wanted to catch my early thoughts, I hope they help in someway.