The Captain

[robdaley]

The cockpit was a migraine of flashing lights --
Dad with his headset on, pointing at the jump seat
where Muhammed Ali sat on his way to Manila.
Dad had the voice of a hypnotherapist:
"This is your captain speaking...
when I count to three..."

His tone was more animated when I'd ring the nursing home.
He'd say he was staying in a hotel in Tokyo or Hong Kong
on a layover between flights.
I'd ask: "Where are you flying to next, Pops?"
He'd pause for a moment as if checking his roster --
"I'm landing in Sydney at zero seven hundred."
In those last months, with him in his cockpit
me on the jump seat, we crossed the globe together.

[dukealien]

The cockpit was a migraine of flashing lights --  good (painful!) image
Dad with his headset on, pointing at the jump seat
where Muhammed Ali sat on his way to Manila.  on the way to the Thrilla...
Dad had the voice of a hypnotherapist:  why -therapist instead of just hypnotist?
"This is your captain speaking...  because of his relationship to the narrator
when I count to three..."

His tone was more animated when I'd ring the nursing home.  more animated = less dramatic/controlling
He'd say he was staying in a hotel in Tokyo or Hong Kong
on a layover between flights.
I'd ask: "Where are you flying to next, Pops?"
He'd pause for a moment as if checking his roster --
"I'm landing in Sydney at zero seven hundred."
In those last months, with him in his cockpit  perhaps the flashing indicators on medical monitors
me on the jump seat, we crossed the globe together.  first line of this strophe is important:  the narrator calls.  jump seat is the visitor chair

In basic critique, this is a very pleasing description of maturity-and-youth transforming into near-senility-and-son.  My own recollection (with a brother-in-law) was that he was always preparing for a business trip somewhere, have to get the airport on time, move it... so I can feel this poem.  I'm only moved to wonder if the headset was a physical prop (a toy?) or just the charade hands to ear and mouth.  Story-telling turns to shared metaphor...

No real suggestions.  Not sure those without heavy aircraft experience will get the picture of the jump seat right away (I did).

Was Dad really the pilot on Ali's flight?  Does it matter?   Like it, thanks for posting.

[matsunosuperfan]

This is really gripping from the jump, good hooks all over the place. Strong metaphor to open things off and set the tone somewhere between wonder and bewilderment. I enjoy the way each line adds a new wrinkle to the fabric of the scene: migraine, dad, Ali, Manila, hypnotherapist, and then the turn at "nursing home." A lot of convincing elements of craft in this one.

"checking his roster" is a lovely subtle detail that hints at a lot going on behind the scenes

maybe there is room for even a little more of such pregnant suggestivity

I think the last line could be stronger. For me it closes the poem when I am looking to be invited to expand outward instead.

[robdaley]

The cockpit was a migraine of flashing lights --  good (painful!) image
Dad with his headset on, pointing at the jump seat
where Muhammed Ali sat on his way to Manila.  on the way to the Thrilla...
Dad had the voice of a hypnotherapist:  why -therapist instead of just hypnotist?
"This is your captain speaking...  because of his relationship to the narrator
when I count to three..."

His tone was more animated when I'd ring the nursing home.  more animated = less dramatic/controlling
He'd say he was staying in a hotel in Tokyo or Hong Kong
on a layover between flights.
I'd ask: "Where are you flying to next, Pops?"
He'd pause for a moment as if checking his roster --
"I'm landing in Sydney at zero seven hundred."
In those last months, with him in his cockpit  perhaps the flashing indicators on medical monitors
me on the jump seat, we crossed the globe together.  first line of this strophe is important:  the narrator calls.  jump seat is the visitor chair

In basic critique, this is a very pleasing description of maturity-and-youth transforming into near-senility-and-son.  My own recollection (with a brother-in-law) was that he was always preparing for a business trip somewhere, have to get the airport on time, move it... so I can feel this poem.  I'm only moved to wonder if the headset was a physical prop (a toy?) or just the charade hands to ear and mouth.  Story-telling turns to shared metaphor...

No real suggestions.  Not sure those without heavy aircraft experience will get the picture of the jump seat right away (I did).

Was Dad really the pilot on Ali's flight?  Does it matter?   Like it, thanks for posting.

Thanks for the comments. Yes, my dad was the pilot when Muhammed Ali joined him in the cockpit on the way to The Thrilla in Manila.

---

This is really gripping from the jump, good hooks all over the place. Strong metaphor to open things off and set the tone somewhere between wonder and bewilderment. I enjoy the way each line adds a new wrinkle to the fabric of the scene: migraine, dad, Ali, Manila, hypnotherapist, and then the turn at "nursing home." A lot of convincing elements of craft in this one.

"checking his roster" is a lovely subtle detail that hints at a lot going on behind the scenes

maybe there is room for even a little more of such pregnant suggestivity

I think the last line could be stronger. For me it closes the poem when I am looking to be invited to expand outward instead.

Thank you Mat. Yes, I agree the ending could be stronger, something else to work on. Rob