Good intentions

[sad_bunny]

This time I believed it could be reality
This time I didn’t care about morality
Maybe that should’ve been the sign
That you’re just an illusion I created in my mind

But your actions and your words are real
And they cut deep
Not deeper than my growing feelings for you
But that’s something you should never know
Because it makes me weak
And all I’d like to do is wake up and leave

But how could I when I am trapped inside a world
That was never mine
And yet you made me believe it could become my reality
And so I trusted you blindly
I became a part of your story
I rehearsed your lines with you 
And you made me think that it was more than just a script of my imagination
Then again maybe it’s all my fault for trusting your good intentions

[matsunosuperfan]

This time I believed it could be reality
This time I didn’t care about morality
Maybe that should’ve been the sign
That you’re just an illusion I created in my mind

But your actions and your words are real
And they cut deep
Not deeper than my growing feelings for you
But that’s something you should never know
Because it makes me weak
And all I’d like to do is wake up and leave

But how could I when I am trapped inside a world
That was never mine
And yet you made me believe it could become my reality
And so I trusted you blindly
I became a part of your story
I rehearsed your lines with you 
And you made me think that it was more than just a script of my imagination
Then again maybe it’s all my fault for trusting your good intentions

not a poem, just a journal entry. no figuration, no evident interest in making new language.

[busker]

This time I believed it could be reality
This time I didn’t care about morality
Maybe that should’ve been the sign
That you’re just an illusion I created in my mind

But your actions and your words are real
And they cut deep
Not deeper than my growing feelings for you
But that’s something you should never know
Because it makes me weak
And all I’d like to do is wake up and leave

But how could I when I am trapped inside a world
That was never mine
And yet you made me believe it could become my reality
And so I trusted you blindly
I became a part of your story
I rehearsed your lines with you 
And you made me think that it was more than just a script of my imagination
Then again maybe it’s all my fault for trusting your good intentions

Hi bunny, I like a few things about this poem.
First, it makes sense when you read it line to line. There are no hanging sentences, no random jumble of things said that don’t cohere.
You have also thrown in the occasional rhyme here and there to help move the narrative along.
One suggestion would be to cut down on the repetitions of “I”, “my”, and “you”. To use a broader vocabulary.
Well done

[wasellajam]

This time I believed it could be reality
This time I didn’t care about morality
Maybe that should’ve been the sign
That you’re just an illusion I created in my mind

But your actions and your words are real
And they cut deep
Not deeper than my growing feelings for you
But that’s something you should never know
Because it makes me weak
And all I’d like to do is wake up and leave

But how could I when I am trapped inside a world
That was never mine
And yet you made me believe it could become my reality
And so I trusted you blindly
I became a part of your story
I rehearsed your lines with you 
And you made me think that it was more than just a script of my imagination
Then again maybe it’s all my fault for trusting your good intentions

Hi, always good to see you posting. For me, the last four lines make the poem, you leave cliches behind and make me feel the situation. It might be nice to lose “your” in the last line as the good intentions might be from either side.

Thanks for the read.

[Luckieman]

This time I believed it could be reality
This time I didn’t care about morality
Maybe that should’ve been the sign
That you’re just an illusion I created in my mind

But your actions and your words are real
And they cut deep
Not deeper than my growing feelings for you
But that’s something you should never know
Because it makes me weak
And all I’d like to do is wake up and leave

But how could I when I am trapped inside a world
That was never mine
And yet you made me believe it could become my reality
And so I trusted you blindly
I became a part of your story
I rehearsed your lines with you 
And you made me think that it was more than just a script of my imagination
Then again maybe it’s all my fault for trusting your good intentions

Hi bunny, I like a few things about this poem.
First, it makes sense when you read it line to line. There are no hanging sentences, no random jumble of things said that don’t cohere.
You have also thrown in the occasional rhyme here and there to help move the narrative along.
One suggestion would be to cut down on the repetitions of “I”, “my”, and “you”. To use a broader vocabulary.
Well done

Overall, very nice and I concur that you've handled the craft remarkably well. Personally, I'd maybe have folded some of the longer lines, e.g. instead of:
"But how could I when I am trapped inside a world
That was never mine"

I might have considered

"But how could I when I am trapped
inside a world that was never mine"

which to me, by emphasising 'trapped' seems stronger.

Similarly, for "And yet you made me believe it could become my reality "

For the same reason, I might have broken the line at 'believe', and broken at 'more' in the penultimate line and 'fault' in the final line.

This is purely a subjective view of emphasis though.