Amy (v2)

[matsunosuperfan]

Amy

In some lean friend’s apartment, or a hotel room
gigged out by Island, tapping to the amped guitar,
toque of stormy bees on her dramatic head

more than half-toppled, hanging on for life
like everyone you’ll ever know. The song pours out
her body like a midnight train to anywhere but Memphis,

there’s an ashtray growing restless
on the bureau, she is picking gently
at withdrawal through her jeans. Don’t ask me how I know.

Someone turns the doorknob, the guitarist
tugs your heart out through your stomach,
and it’s something in the way she rolls her eyes to heaven

like she’s looking for approval
when she hits the high, the crowd below
collapses into one immense romantic O,

scatters east and west like little leaguers
with their hands spread out to catch the last fly ball
of every summer, and she’s gone

before her voice should break, or anything
as precious as a child.

Updated mostly for shape after workshop tonight. Past version:

Amy

In some lean friend’s apartment, or a hotel room
gigged out by Island, tapping to the amped guitar,
toque of stormy bees on her dramatic head
more than half-toppled, hanging on for life
like everyone you’ll ever know. The song
pours out her body like a siren, 
light climbs down a curtain, there’s an ashtray steaming 
on the bureau underneath Kandinsky, she is picking gently
at withdrawal through her jeans. Don’t ask me
how I know. Someone turns the doorknob, the guitarist
tugs your heart out through your stomach, and it’s something 
in the way she rolls her eyes to heaven 
like she’s looking for approval
when she hits the high, and the crowd below
collapses into one immense romantic O,
scatters east and west like little leaguers
with their hands spread out to catch the last fly ball
of every summer. Suddenly she’s gone
before her voice should break, or anything
as precious as a child

[Stan]

Amy

In some lean friend’s apartment, or a hotel room
gigged out by Island, tapping to the amped guitar,
toque of stormy bees on her dramatic head
more than half-toppled, hanging on for life      nice way to introduce addiction/alcohol
like everyone you’ll ever know. The song         like how it becomes universal as well
pours out her body like a siren, 
light climbs down a curtain, there’s an ashtray steaming  sorry you’re doing something with these lines until 'jeans' that I’m not getting well enough
on the bureau underneath Kandinsky, she is picking gently 
at withdrawal through her jeans. Don’t ask me
how I know. Someone turns the doorknob, the guitarist    a turn at the doorknob and guitarist
tugs your heart out through your stomach, and it’s something 
in the way she rolls her eyes to heaven  your themes stacked and very well grounded in the literal here-- especially how specific the eye-roll was to the singer, found these lines really satisfying—thought the confluence of contempt and affection-seeking was good point to make   
like she’s looking for approval
when she hits the high, and the crowd below
collapses into one immense romantic O,  is Kandinsky involved with the ‘O’? don't know enough about art for the reference. 
scatters east and west like little leaguers      
with their hands spread out to catch the last fly ball  yeah very wistful. Image is brilliantly evocative without appealing to vision much. ‘end of every summer’ doing something with the ‘o’ and repetition in addiction. If you’re nodding to Fitzgerald then, that’s great considering her genre of music and the universalizing Romantic thing he does— but also really like how fitting that is to lean into childhood at the same time. Fantastic you found a literal image to contain it and Amy herself doing the same as an icon      
of every summer. Suddenly she’s gone
before her voice should break, or anything
as precious as a child.   yeah nice how her singing collects it all as well 

well done, really enjoyed it. The scene feels very coherent and anchors the thoughts superbly in my opinion-- obviously becomes more adventurous after the turn in the middle, but that works well with addiction and the musical high you're climbing to. Powerful regret by the end that no one could catch her, nor will again.

[matsunosuperfan]

Amy

In some lean friend’s apartment, or a hotel room
gigged out by Island, tapping to the amped guitar,
toque of stormy bees on her dramatic head
more than half-toppled, hanging on for life      nice way to introduce addiction/alcohol
like everyone you’ll ever know. The song         like how it becomes universal as well
pours out her body like a siren, 
light climbs down a curtain, there’s an ashtray steaming  sorry you’re doing something with these lines until 'jeans' that I’m not getting well enough
on the bureau underneath Kandinsky, she is picking gently 
at withdrawal through her jeans. Don’t ask me
how I know. Someone turns the doorknob, the guitarist    a turn at the doorknob and guitarist
tugs your heart out through your stomach, and it’s something 
in the way she rolls her eyes to heaven  your themes stacked and very well grounded in the literal here-- especially how specific the eye-roll was to the singer, found these lines really satisfying—thought the confluence of contempt and affection-seeking was good point to make   
like she’s looking for approval
when she hits the high, and the crowd below
collapses into one immense romantic O,  is Kandinsky involved with the ‘O’? don't know enough about art for the reference. 
scatters east and west like little leaguers      
with their hands spread out to catch the last fly ball  yeah very wistful. Image is brilliantly evocative without appealing to vision much. ‘end of every summer’ doing something with the ‘o’ and repetition in addiction. If you’re nodding to Fitzgerald then, that’s great considering her genre of music and the universalizing Romantic thing he does— but also really like how fitting that is to lean into childhood at the same time. Fantastic you found a literal image to contain it and Amy herself doing the same as an icon      
of every summer. Suddenly she’s gone
before her voice should break, or anything
as precious as a child.   yeah nice how her singing collects it all as well 

well done, really enjoyed it. The scene feels very coherent and anchors the thoughts superbly in my opinion-- obviously becomes more adventurous after the turn in the middle, but that works well with addiction and the musical high you're climbing to. Powerful regret by the end that no one could catch her, nor will again.

Heartfelt thanks, I was very unsure about this one. I'll take it to the workshop tomorrow night and see what develops. Long may she rest in power <3