Oenophile

[Sean Puckett]

I am drunk. Want burns my cheeks. Still, I thirst. 
The nectar is your words. My skull the cup. 
Wild ivy pulses wine through my flesh. 
The blurring sweetness burns my amphora.
Held under bone fingers. 

Smother me in your vines without care. 
As I do not. Nor ever will. 
Have you no pity? Watching this madman cursed with sanity? 
Does my begging please you? Listen to me! 

Drain the fires from my skin as I have drowned in yours.
Don’t leave me. Don’t ban me from your table. 
Let me feast. Choking upon wisdom.
Capillary emerald cracks my shell. 
I know that I do not wish to know anymore. 

Gladly, I will shatter my cup. 
Broken into a mosaic. 
It is better that way. 
I cannot be one when I have so many parts. 

I see. I am to be drunk. 
Crushed. Fermented. 
Drained until bottle falls from my hands. 
Only the lie ceases. I never had any parts. 
Always the wine. 
Always the ivy. 

I kiss myself. Ochre on my lips. 
Deep — painful —
loving.

[matsunosuperfan]

I am drunk. Want burns my cheeks. Still, I thirst. 
The nectar is your words. My skull the cup. 
Wild ivy pulses wine through my flesh. 
The blurring sweetness burns my amphora.
Held under bone fingers. 

Smother me in your vines without care. 
As I do not. Nor ever will. 
Have you no pity? Watching this madman cursed with sanity? 
Does my begging please you? Listen to me! 

Drain the fires from my skin as I have drowned in yours.
Don’t leave me. Don’t ban me from your table. 
Let me feast. Choking upon wisdom.
Capillary emerald cracks my shell. 
I know that I do not wish to know anymore. 

Gladly, I will shatter my cup. 
Broken into a mosaic. 
It is better that way. 
I cannot be one when I have so many parts. 

I see. I am to be drunk. 
Crushed. Fermented. 
Drained until bottle falls from my hands. 
Only the lie ceases. I never had any parts. 
Always the wine. 
Always the ivy. 

I kiss myself. Ochre on my lips. 
Deep — painful —
loving.

About to teach so just a quick reaction -- I dig the energy. There's good restraint in the tone of voice; this could easily become self-indulgent and I think it's walking that line pretty convincingly. Maybe a few places where we slip a bit and cross over, but mostly effective. 

Mostly I find myself wanting more direct discourse from this speaker. The figuration is powerful, but it's a LOT of abstraction.

Shout out to "capillary emerald," that was an especially cool nugget.

[wasellajam]

Hi, Sean, some notes:

I am drunk. Want burns my cheeks. Still, I thirst. 
The nectar is your words. My skull the cup. Fun line, made me smile.
Wild ivy pulses wine through my flesh. 
The blurring sweetness burns my amphora.
Held under bone fingers. 
Wild ivy slid as vine here but when repeated below I question why you veer off to a plant other than wild grape, IME even more aggressive than ivy with a much bigger and looser leaf, tight tendrils which seem to suit. And it fruits! Why muddy the poem with ivy which clings instead of grabbing?

Smother me in your vines without care. 
As I do not. Nor ever will.
This line is a little fuzzy, applies to smothered? care? 
Have you no pity? Watching this madman cursed with sanity? 
Does my begging please you? Listen to me! 

Drain the fires from my skin as I have drowned in yours.
Don’t leave me. Don’t ban me from your table. 
Let me feast. Choking upon wisdom.
"wisdom" seems out of place here.
Capillary emerald cracks my shell. 
I know that I do not wish to know anymore. 

Gladly, I will shatter my cup. 
Broken into a mosaic. 
It is better that way. 
I cannot be one when I have so many parts. 
I think I might like the poem to say "It's better that way" in a different way, something that expresses completeness.

I see. I am to be drunk. 
Crushed. Fermented. 
Drained until bottle falls from my hands. 
Only the lie ceases. I never had any parts. 
This is an interesting line.
Always the wine. 
Always the ivy. 
Here, sorry vine rhymes with wine but no ivy.

I kiss myself. Ochre on my lips. 
Deep — painful —
loving.
Ochre is an interesting choice, I think of the brown undertone to it, past its prime.

I know my critique is sparse for this workshop but I hope you'll find something here that helps.
Thanks for posting, a good read.