A Lighting

[dukealien]

A Lighting


Cool morning.  I have lit a merry fire
with gas and electricity, but still
it flames in saffron, blue and petal-white
on logs of porcelain, with cinder screen
of glass; it might as well be video
but that it emanates faint heat and threat.

For as I go about my breakfast rounds–
the brewing, microwaving, counting pills–
it catches at my eye each time I turn
across a line of sight including it.
We humans have made fire our willing slave
like nuclear, but dare not let it thrive.

[Bunx]

A Lighting   After reading this a few times, I'm a little confused with how the title relates to the poem. Just a lil idea but "fake fire" or "fake fireplace" could be a fun catchy title. Something that potentially eludes too technological advancement.


Cool morning.  I have lit a merry fire  I don't recognize the the poems format but I see the syllable pattern. I feel like merry is a little "light" of a word. I was thinking "modern" might elude to the theme. 
with gas and electricity, but still 
it flames in saffron, blue and petal-white
on logs of porcelain, with cinder screen these last two lines sound great read aloud. 
of glass; it might as well be video
but that it emanates faint heat and threat.

For as I go about my breakfast rounds–
the brewing, microwaving, counting pills–
it catches at my eye each time I turn
across a line of sight including it.
We humans have made fire our willing slave
like nuclear, but dare not let it thrive. An interesting ending and thought provoking. I feel like when I think of truly harnessing nuclear it would be for Nuclear Power something that benefits humanity. But when I think about a thriving fire I think of like more destructive  forces and renewal after the burn. I could be likened to fossil fuels or something like that too. Sorry my analysis is way off.


It was a really solid read thanks for the post  

[brynmawr1]

A Lighting


Cool morning.  I have lit a merry fire  Could be the title, ie 'Cool Morning'
with gas and electricity, but still
it flames in saffron, blue and petal-white  saffron is yellow, which works as an inefficient flame, where as blue and white are the opposite.  Easily fixed, I think.
on logs of porcelain, with cinder screen
of glass; it might as well be video
but that it emanates faint heat and threat.  how about, "emanating faint heat and little threat"? or similar.

For as I go about my breakfast rounds–
the brewing, microwaving, counting pills–
it catches at my eye each time I turn  the 'at' is awkward
across a line of sight including it.  again, awkward bordering on Yoda speak.
We humans have made fire our willing slave  did we ask?  JK
like nuclear, but dare not let it thrive.

Hi Duke,
IMO, this is generally well executed.  I do think that there are a few places where you forced the rhythm which was unnecessary, IMO.  I also think that your main thesis is presented too late to be as effective as it could be.  FYI, I agree!
Take care,
Bryn