Primordial (edit)

[alonso ramoran]

Primordial

Undone and lost,
the light is scattering.

In the distance, longnecked giants graze
on endless green,
touching light blue air,
everywhere around this pool,

where the Mother and the Father wade,
trying to keep all from drowning
into complete dark again.
Their steadfastness is gentle.
Their hold is a cradle.

Undone and lost,
the light is scattering.

In the distance,
longnecked giants graze
on endless green
that touches light blue air,
everywhere around this pool.

The Mother and the Father try keeping
all from drowning out
again, completely.
Their steadfastness is gentle.
Their hold is a cradle.

[wasellajam]

Primordial

Undone and lost,
the light is scattering.

In the distance, longnecked giants graze
on endless green,
touching light blue air,
everywhere around this pool,

where the Mother and the Father wade,
trying to keep all from drowning
into complete dark again.
Their steadfastness is gentle.
Their hold is a cradle.

Undone and lost,
the light is scattering.

In the distance,
longnecked giants graze
on endless green
that touches light blue air,
everywhere around this pool.

The Mother and the Father try keeping
all from drowning out
again, completely.
Their steadfastness is gentle.
Their hold is a cradle.

Hi, alonso, this poem ends with a satisfying sink into safety, as if there's hope and time to rest. I took a look at the original, for me the change to "wade" is inspired, very effective. Thanks for posting this.