I wish

[antonia]

I wish I were here
The way they are
Having fun with beer under the sun
So I take another one and smile
But it is like I am somewhere behind

I wish I were here
The way they see me
A pretty face and friendly eyes
So many lucky guys they say
But none can reach my heart

Why am I somewhere else
Deep inside where I cannot escape
From the heavy voice that squeezes me
My eyes my dreams my hopes
As if I am not here

[rowens]

Dissociation is de rigueur.

For this poem, you could try something like rhyming at first, and then rhyming less as you go, and then making so much sense, "I am here, thinking and writing", or something.

Besides all that, you could focus on the heavy voice and the deep inside: those are where the party is.

[milo]

Hello

You write a poem here that speaks of the isolation one can feel while being amongst others and the internalization of a feeling that is probably quite common (everyone else is so comfortable, having a good time, knows just what to do/say)

As a whole - it is deceptively good.  You keep the language simple, the metaphor is drawn plainly but interestingly.

The tile - sucks.  Unfortunately.  I almost skipped reading entirely because of it.  It is boring and the "I wish" line is already used in the poem so what does it add?

I wish I were here
The way they are
Having fun with beer under the sun
So I take another one and smile
But it is like I am somewhere behind

So, if I wrote it I would probably smooth out the meter a little just to give it a more lyrical feel but it certainly isn't necessary -

For the last line, "it is like" just weakens what is a pretty decent line - please remove it.  "but I am somewhere behind"  I oscillated on using "else" instead of behind.  IDK - give it a thought.

I wish I were here
The way they see me
A pretty face and friendly eyes
So many lucky guys they say
But none can reach my heart

up until this last line you mostly managed to avoid twee cliches but a line like "But none can reach my heart" can really ruin a whole poem

Why am I somewhere else
Deep inside where I cannot escape
From the heavy voice that squeezes me
My eyes my dreams my hopes
As if I am not here

This ending strophe is actually the weakest.  "hopes and dreams"  -that's a bit cringe in a poem or really anywyaere at this point.   I feel like the poem as a whole needs a good ending.  For the last part, also, a solid image or metaphor that anchors us into the real world.

Anyway - I enjoyed, I thought it was an interesting thought, hopefully you can find some value in this feedback

Thanks for posting.

[Anima]

I wish I were here
The way they are
Having fun with beer under the sun
So I take another one and smile
But it is like I am somewhere behind

I wish I were here
The way they see me
A pretty face and friendly eyes
So many lucky guys they say
But none can reach my heart

Why am I somewhere else
Deep inside where I cannot escape
From the heavy voice that squeezes me
My eyes my dreams my hopes
As if I am not here

The feeling of loneliness while in a crowd definitely makes for good poetry material. You do a good job getting that feeling across. “A pretty face and friendly eyes…” “But none can reach my heart.” You bring out the feeling of being with friends who don’t really know you and having to pretend you enjoy it. What I like most is the nuance added by the first two lines of the second stanza:
“I wish I were here
The way they they see me”

It takes the situation out of slightly contrived “no one gets me ?” territory into something more unique. The narrator doesn’t revel in or glorify the fact that they are not understood, nor do they bear a grudge against their friends for not understanding them. Rather, the narrator is simply lamenting the discord between the way they really feel, the happy act they have to put on, and their friends’ genuine happiness. Lines two through four of the last stanza make me think the narrator wants to share their inner self but can’t escape the fear that they won’t be accepted for who they really are — that’s what I’m interpreting “the heavy voice that squeezes me” to mean.

I like this poem. The meter feels a little choppy at points (the last three lines of the first stanza in particular). And “Having fun with beer under the sun” feels a littleeee weak, but these are nitpicks in the grand scheme of things. Thanks for sharing!

[antonia]

Thank you all for your great feedback!

[johnnyjojo]

I enjoyed this poem.  

Succinct and song like.  Nice thought process.

Reminded me of Pink Floyd song, in a good way.

JJJ

[wasellajam]

I wish I were here
The way they are
Having fun with beer under the sun
So I take another one and smile
But it is like I am somewhere behind

I wish I were here
The way they see me
A pretty face and friendly eyes
So many lucky guys they say
But none can reach my heart

Why am I somewhere else
Deep inside where I cannot escape
From the heavy voice that squeezes me
My eyes my dreams my hopes
As if I am not here

Hi, Antonia, I can relate to your poem and it's constructed with intent, a cohesive read. I have some questions about it:
L 5: What do you mean by "behind'? In what way are they ahead of our Narrator? I'd like this line to explain more of exactly how the N is feeling.
L6-10 are very clear but do you think you may be able to express L10 in a more original way?

Also, you might think about how punctuation and dropping the first word capitalization would effect the poem, try it 
and see which you prefer.

Thanks for posting, I hope you enjoy the site.

[BLEACHBOX]

Very nice. I was reminded of a thousand beer commercials, "having fun with beer under the sun," all the "beautiful people," (fake people hiding their OWN insecurities)
"None can reach my heart" I have to be careful not to lock those prison-bars of the heart to tight - I don't want them to reach my heart either - until they do.
"The heavy voice that squeezes me." That struck me the most!
It can mean so many things.
The subconscious. God. The soul. Distant memory of an unloving parent even.
Great line!

[antonia]

I wish I were here
The way they are
Having fun with beer under the sun
So I take another one and smile
But it is like I am somewhere behind

I wish I were here
The way they see me
A pretty face and friendly eyes
So many lucky guys they say
But none can reach my heart

Why am I somewhere else
Deep inside where I cannot escape
From the heavy voice that squeezes me
My eyes my dreams my hopes
As if I am not here

Hi, Antonia, I can relate to your poem and it's constructed with intent, a cohesive read. I have some questions about it:
L 5: What do you mean by "behind'? In what way are they ahead of our Narrator? I'd like this line to explain more of exactly how the N is feeling.
L6-10 are very clear but do you think you may be able to express L10 in a more original way?

Also, you might think about how punctuation and dropping the first word capitalization would effect the poem, try it 
and see which you prefer.

Thanks for posting, I hope you enjoy the site.

L5: While writing, I was thinking about being behind the present place others are now, physically and metaphorically: in terms of well-being, relationships, different dimensions of life. While they are here enjoying the moment, the narrator is trying to catch up and participate, despite the internal thoughts, feelings and fears that separate her from a casual social gathering. To be behind the blurry glass created by a turbulent mind and a hurtful internal world that sets her apart from the real ongoing life. I hope it makes sense somehow, or that I managed to convey it that way, English is not my first language, to be honest...

L10: Definitely, I will try and work on that

Thank you so much.

---

I enjoyed this poem.  

Succinct and song like.  Nice thought process.

Reminded me of Pink Floyd song, in a good way.

JJJ

Very nice. I was reminded of a thousand beer commercials, "having fun with beer under the sun," all the "beautiful people," (fake people hiding their OWN insecurities)
"None can reach my heart"  I have to be careful not to lock those prison-bars of the heart to tight - I don't want them to reach my heart either - until they do.
"The heavy voice that squeezes me." That struck me the most!
It can mean so many things.
The subconscious. God. The soul. Distant memory of an unloving parent even.
Great line!

Thank you

[wasellajam]

I wish I were here
The way they are
Having fun with beer under the sun
So I take another one and smile
But it is like I am somewhere behind

I wish I were here
The way they see me
A pretty face and friendly eyes
So many lucky guys they say
But none can reach my heart

Why am I somewhere else
Deep inside where I cannot escape
From the heavy voice that squeezes me
My eyes my dreams my hopes
As if I am not here

Hi, Antonia, I can relate to your poem and it's constructed with intent, a cohesive read. I have some questions about it:
L 5: What do you mean by "behind'? In what way are they ahead of our Narrator? I'd like this line to explain more of exactly how the N is feeling.
L6-10 are very clear but do you think you may be able to express L10 in a more original way?

Also, you might think about how punctuation and dropping the first word capitalization would effect the poem, try it 
and see which you prefer.

Thanks for posting, I hope you enjoy the site.

L5: While writing, I was thinking about being behind the present place others are now, physically and metaphorically: in terms of well-being, relationships, different dimensions of life. While they are here enjoying the moment, the narrator is trying to catch up and participate, despite the internal thoughts, feelings and fears that separate her from a casual social gathering. To be behind the blurry glass created by a turbulent mind and a hurtful internal world that sets her apart from the real ongoing life. I hope it makes sense somehow, or that I managed to convey it that way, English is not my first language, to be honest...

L10: Definitely, I will try and work on that

Thank you so much.

---

I enjoyed this poem.  

Succinct and song like.  Nice thought process.

Reminded me of Pink Floyd song, in a good way.

JJJ

Very nice. I was reminded of a thousand beer commercials, "having fun with beer under the sun," all the "beautiful people," (fake people hiding their OWN insecurities)
"None can reach my heart"  I have to be careful not to lock those prison-bars of the heart to tight - I don't want them to reach my heart either - until they do.
"The heavy voice that squeezes me." That struck me the most!
It can mean so many things.
The subconscious. God. The soul. Distant memory of an unloving parent even.
Great line!

Thank you

"behind the blurry glass created by a turbulent mind "
ooh, that's something you can really work with, here or in the future.

[Mark A Becker]

Hello antonia-
Hope not outta line that I took the liberty to elimnate a lot of words, without changing any, and reconstructed the verses. I did this to show you the parts that struck me :


I wish I were
the way they are with beer
under the sun;

the way they see
a pretty face
and friendly eyes.

So many lucky guys.
Deep inside, the heavy voice
squeezes me.


ps- You need a new title.
Respectfully,
Mark

[antonia]

I enjoyed this poem.  

Succinct and song like.  Nice thought process.

Reminded me of Pink Floyd song, in a good way.

JJJ

Hi, Antonia, I can relate to your poem and it's constructed with intent, a cohesive read. I have some questions about it:
L 5: What do you mean by "behind'? In what way are they ahead of our Narrator? I'd like this line to explain more of exactly how the N is feeling.
L6-10 are very clear but do you think you may be able to express L10 in a more original way?

Also, you might think about how punctuation and dropping the first word capitalization would effect the poem, try it 
and see which you prefer.

Thanks for posting, I hope you enjoy the site.

L5: While writing, I was thinking about being behind the present place others are now, physically and metaphorically: in terms of well-being, relationships, different dimensions of life. While they are here enjoying the moment, the narrator is trying to catch up and participate, despite the internal thoughts, feelings and fears that separate her from a casual social gathering. To be behind the blurry glass created by a turbulent mind and a hurtful internal world that sets her apart from the real ongoing life. I hope it makes sense somehow, or that I managed to convey it that way, English is not my first language, to be honest...

L10: Definitely, I will try and work on that

Thank you so much.

---

I enjoyed this poem.  

Succinct and song like.  Nice thought process.

Reminded me of Pink Floyd song, in a good way.

JJJ

Very nice. I was reminded of a thousand beer commercials, "having fun with beer under the sun," all the "beautiful people," (fake people hiding their OWN insecurities)
"None can reach my heart"  I have to be careful not to lock those prison-bars of the heart to tight - I don't want them to reach my heart either - until they do.
"The heavy voice that squeezes me." That struck me the most!
It can mean so many things.
The subconscious. God. The soul. Distant memory of an unloving parent even.
Great line!

Thank you

"behind the blurry glass created by a turbulent mind "
ooh, that's something you can really work with, here or in the future. 

Hello antonia-
Hope not outta line that I took the liberty to elimnate a lot of words, without changing any, and reconstructed the verses. I did this to show you the parts that struck me :


I wish I were
the way they are with beer
under the sun;

the way they see
a pretty face
and friendly eyes.

So many lucky guys.
Deep inside, the heavy voice
squeezes me.


ps- You need a new title.
Respectfully,
Mark

Thank you