No Outlet

[wasellajam]

No Outlet

In April when the trees begin to leaf
the year-round denizens emerge
to greet each other, waking up
to bask in sweatered sunlit breeze.

Then June arrives and neighbors clog
the road, no room to turn around; 
in many moves a car can just
about reverse its route to flee.

September comes, the hubbub dims
except for weekend warriors
anticipating blazing views
of mountain forests poised for sleep.

Now Winter slowing to a stop,
its tires clad in chains for grip
demands an effort unfulfilled
to slide its way to anywhere.

[fastmarshmallow]

No Outlet

In April when the trees begin to leaf
the year-round denizens emerge
to greet each other, waking up
to bask in sweatered sunlit breeze. Very charming iambic tetrameter...'SWEATered SUNlit BREEZE'. Alliteration pairings of 'bask'/'breeze' and 'sweatered'/'sunlit' work like a treat. 

Then June arrives and neighbors clog
the road, no room to turn around; 

---

in many moves a car can just
about reverse its route to flee.

The meter in L3 and 4 is just fantastic - your alliteration pairings also complement this rhythm: "many moves" and "reverse/route". I think the reason I am so drawn to it is because it reminds me of... "For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being// Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door." The monosyllabics, the rhythm, the alliteration are all very resonant of your own lines. 

I personally read it aloud like this, all in one consistent tempo: "in MANy MOVES a CAR can JUST aBOUT reVERSE its ROUTE to FLEE."

---

September comes, the hubbub dims
except for weekend warriors
anticipating blazing views
of mountain forests poised for sleep.

I am trying to wrap my head around this stanza - trying to work out the significance behind the weekend warriors and their obsession with the views. I have a few competing interpretations but I'll get them down on paper once I flesh it out.

---

Now Winter slowing to a stop,
I was wondering whether present simple sound better here... "Now Winter slows to a stop," but I actually think "slowing" helps to drag the line longer, reminiscent of Winter's own tedious drag.

its tires clad in chains for grip I quite like this image of Winter as a vehicle, mechanical and robust - the harsh-sounding "grip" is well-placed at the end. Also an interesting callback to your cars in June.
demands an effort unfulfilled
to slide its way to anywhere.

---

To me, this poem is written by a narrator who is observant, but also somewhat critical. 

On a surface level, it is about the cyclical nature of all 4 seasons (the 'year-round denizens' at the beginning was also evocative of this), and the vehicle motif is sustained throughout - unrestrained it drives along senselessly, no destination, as it does each year. There is also however to me, a kind of tension/interaction/relationship between the narrator, tourists/citizens and nature generally - almost a resentment...  "neighbours clog" and "weekend warriors" gave life to that idea for me. Almost as if the N finds it stifling and wants... an outlet  

But I am still trying to wrap my head around it - it gives me something to dwell on tonight when I should (really) be doing my class prep.

[wasellajam]

No Outlet

In April when the trees begin to leaf
the year-round denizens emerge
to greet each other, waking up
to bask in sweatered sunlit breeze. Very charming iambic tetrameter...'SWEATered SUNlit BREEZE'. Alliteration pairings of 'bask'/'breeze' and 'sweatered'/'sunlit' work like a treat. 

Then June arrives and neighbors clog
the road, no room to turn around; 

---

in many moves a car can just
about reverse its route to flee.

The meter in L3 and 4 is just fantastic - your alliteration pairings also complement this rhythm: "many moves" and "reverse/route". I think the reason I am so drawn to it is because it reminds me of... "For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being// Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door." The monosyllabics, the rhythm, the alliteration are all very resonant of your own lines. 

I personally read it aloud like this, all in one consistent tempo: "in MANy MOVES a CAR can JUST aBOUT reVERSE its ROUTE to FLEE."

---

September comes, the hubbub dims
except for weekend warriors
anticipating blazing views
of mountain forests poised for sleep.

I am trying to wrap my head around this stanza - trying to work out the significance behind the weekend warriors and their obsession with the views. I have a few competing interpretations but I'll get them down on paper once I flesh it out.

---

Now Winter slowing to a stop,
I was wondering whether present simple sound better here... "Now Winter slows to a stop," but I actually think "slowing" helps to drag the line longer, reminiscent of Winter's own tedious drag.

its tires clad in chains for grip I quite like this image of Winter as a vehicle, mechanical and robust - the harsh-sounding "grip" is well-placed at the end. Also an interesting callback to your cars in June.
demands an effort unfulfilled
to slide its way to anywhere.

---

To me, this poem is written by a narrator who is observant, but also somewhat critical. 

On a surface level, it is about the cyclical nature of all 4 seasons (the 'year-round denizens' at the beginning was also evocative of this), and the vehicle motif is sustained throughout - unrestrained it drives along senselessly, no destination, as it does each year. There is also however to me, a kind of tension/interaction/relationship between the narrator, tourists/citizens and nature generally - almost a resentment...  "neighbours clog" and "weekend warriors" gave life to that idea for me. Almost as if the N finds it stifling and wants... an outlet  

But I am still trying to wrap my head around it - it gives me something to dwell on tonight when I should (really) be doing my class prep.

Hi, P, I so appreciate your detailed read and comments. I'm happy to have a reader enjoying the alliteration. I try, often unsuccessfully, to rein it in but I just love all those slippery sounds. There are a few things I'm worried about with this one, I'll surely keep your notes in mind when I edit.