by part

[Mic]

I took an eyeball,
hopeful friend,
opened lash-shuttered iris
and found nothing inside.

[Magpie]

Hi Mic, this is interesting, very short. I'm not entirely sure of your meaning, there seems to be a lot of ambiguity here, intentional??

I took an eyeball,  -- 'took' is the key word here, coupled with the title this would presume dissection of sorts. You could drop 'I' to make it more impersonal, if that's what you were after
hopeful friend, -- this line could mean few things, it's hard to know. Eyes of a friend perhaps?
opened lash-shuttered iris -- 'opened' here is at odds with 'took' from the first line, 'opened' is gentle. Also 'lash-shuttered' seems secure so to 'open' may not be the word you want to convey your meaning. 
and found nothing inside. -- could drop the 'and' ... could drop 'inside' if you wanted to be even more minimalist

If I knew your intention I could give better critique. 

Is it saying, I looked into the eyes of my friend and saw no soul.

I first thought about dissection but the line 'opened lash-shuttered iris' seems to indicate opening some ones eyelid which is at odds with the first line in which you have an eyeball.

Iris has a lot of symbology attached to it.

Just a few thoughts,

Cheers for the read.

[Mic]

Hi Mic, this is interesting, very short. I'm not entirely sure of your meaning, there seems to be a lot of ambiguity here, intentional??

If I knew your intention I could give better critique. 

Is it saying, I looked into the eyes of my friend and saw no soul.

I first thought about dissection but the line 'opened lash-shuttered iris' seems to indicate opening some ones eyelid which is at odds with the first line in which you have an eyeball.

Iris has a lot of symbology attached to it.

Just a few thoughts,

Cheers for the read.

I'm trying to use the 'eyes are the window to the soul' to say if you only look at one aspect of someone/something it loses whatever it had as a whole. I've been trying to tweak the wording of the lines for a while and wanted to get fresh opinions on why exactly it isn't working.

Thanks for the critique