Jaywalkers

[Johicopter]

Jaywalkers

I called my friend and slowly poured water
         on our evening plans until they
         fizzled out,
freeing me to go to in-n-out alone.
         Walking, because my parking spot
         was too good to lose.

At the patio table
with my burger and coffee,

I gazed at the
talented jaywalkers
         who might as well be raising
         their middle fingers to the cars–
                  a big I dare you–
as they took the street.

And I thought of you
and how, in the backseat of your car,
      I couldn't say I love you

and how this coffee,
         hidden shamefully in the bottom corner of
         the in-n-out menu,
tastes exactly like you'd expect

because by the time I'd thought to ask for cream
the cashier had already moved on to order 36.

[brynmawr1]

Jaywalkers

I called my friend and slowly poured water  then
         on our evening plans until they
         fizzled out,  could be considered implied
freeing me to go to in-n-out alone.  consider, 'freeing me to go to in-n-out/ walking alone
         Walking, because my parking spot
         was too good to lose.  like these lines, but completely irrelevant to the poem

At the patio table
with my burger and coffee,  maybe it's just me, but who eats a burger with coffee?  Better, I think, to just be coffee, with some adjective and/or other noun.

I gazed at the  don't end lines with articles.  Would be better 'I gazed at the talented'  That has connotation, leaves the reader wondering what's next.
talented jaywalkers
         who might as well be raising  too many words,  they are raising middle fingers whether literally or figuratively.
         their middle fingers to the cars–  'to the cars' is implied in the end.  And what else would jaywalkers be doing?
                  a big I dare you–  an?
as they took the street.   really like this stanza's ending. But you missed the opportunity to link this to the narrator's sympathy for the jaywalker's carpe diem attitude.

And I thought of you
and how, in the backseat of your car,  who cares whose back seat it its, leave some mystery and if you are really confident in your masculinity, move 'I couldn't' up
      I couldn't say I love you

and how this coffee,
         shamefully hidden at the bottom corner of
         of the in-n-out menu,
tastes exactly like you'd expect

because by the time I'd thought to ask for cream
the cashier had already moved on to order 36.   I want the ending to be '43'. or something else that has sonics with cream

Hi Jonicopter,
You really have a lot of really nice stuff here.  I particularly like the first half up to S4.  The rest is okay, but you realize that you have the narrator compare failing to express their love to a bad cup of coffee?  I get it, but it's not going to make the Honeys swoon.  I'd rethink the last two stanzas.  Subtle reworking could be all it takes.
Really,, a nice poem with suggestions.
Thanks for the read,
Bryn