(content) a paper bed, a paper gown (farming meat animals, discussion of death, MRIs)

[thewilderhen]

2nd Draft

My wife and I raise meat rabbits.
Someone on a TV show
said, “Bunnies. They just want to die.”
It’s true.

We haven’t gotten to the meat
part yet.

13 live births, 2 still
1 eaten by its mother
(they do it when they’re poorly)
then 1 could not nurse
2 dead in the night
3 when they were weaned.

Each body gets a shroud
of paper towel
and I think how death
can tell a story.

Like how at 27 I worked
a summer in hospice
and heard a man cry
I’m dying as if warning
the living to get out
of his way.

Or how my friend died
at 13 in a house fire
shielding her little sister’s
bones.

Or how last Tuesday
the MRI sang for me
again one half
of a waulking song a
call-and-response
clouds painted on
the ceiling for the
claustrophobics
the weeping
range of the sky.

Now the rabbits are both
living and dying with eyes
like coal I hold them
until they’re wrapped
in paper and nothing
can come undone.



1st Draft
————————-

My wife and I raise meat rabbits.
Someone on a TV show
said, “Bunnies. They just want to die”
and it’s true.

We haven’t gotten to the meat
part yet.

13 live births, 2 still
1 eaten by its mother
(they do that when they’re poorly)
then 1 could not nurse
2 dead in the night
3 when they were weaned.

Each body gets a shroud
of paper towel
and I think how death
can tell a story.

Like how at 27 I worked
a summer in hospice
and listened to a man
cry I’m dying but he
said it as if warning
the living to get out
of his way.

Or how my friend died
at 13 in a house fire
shielding her little sister’s
bones.

Or how last Tuesday
the MRI sang for me
again like one half
of a waulking song a
call-and-response
the sky above painted
on the ceiling for the
claustrophobics the
weeping range of
the sky.

And now the rabbits
are both living and
dying with eyes like coal and
my coworkers say meat rabbits
are giving post-apocalyptic vibes

but they don’t know
how death can be so simple
wrapped in paper.

____________________________

Critics, have at it! My specific questions: is this like, too much, man? And if so, what can I cut? (Also looking for whatever else you have to say!)

[busker]

My wife and I raise meat rabbits.
Someone on a TV show
said, “Bunnies. They just want to die”
and it’s true.

We haven’t gotten to the meat
part yet.

13 live births, 2 still
1 eaten by its mother
(they do that when they’re poorly)
then 1 could not nurse
2 dead in the night
3 when they were weaned.

Each body gets a shroud
of paper towel
and I think how death
can tell a story.

Like how at 27 I worked
a summer in hospice
and listened to a man
cry I’m dying but he
said it as if warning
the living to get out
of his way.

Or how my friend died
at 13 in a house fire
shielding her little sister’s
bones.

Or how last Tuesday
the MRI sang for me
again like one half
of a waulking song a
call-and-response
the sky above painted
on the ceiling for the
claustrophobics the
weeping range of
the sky….. this is a great section. My only grouse is the repeat of “Sky”

And now the rabbits
are both living and
dying with eyes like coal and … excellent!
my coworkers say meat rabbits
are giving post-apocalyptic vibes … I think this is a bridge too far. It sounds good, but it also sounds alike a runaway train of thought 

but they don’t know
how death can be so simple
wrapped in paper. …. I’m not sure what the “but” is for. The ending is great and ties back to the beginning of the poem, but I don’t think post apocalyptic rabbits and your coworkers help the case 

____________________________

Critics, have at it! My specific questions: is this like, too much, man? And if so, what can I cut? (Also looking for whatever else you have to say!)

It’s an excellent poem that might benefit from some trimming towards the end

[brynmawr1]

My wife and I raise meat rabbits.
Someone on a TV show
said, “Bunnies. They just want to die”
and it’s true.

We haven’t gotten to the meat
part yet.

13 live births, 2 still
1 eaten by its mother
(they do that when they’re poorly)  maybe, 'this'
then 1 could not nurse   maybe, 'failed to' and maybe cut 'then'
2 dead in the night  my ear wants to add a 'more' after '2', it's a rhythm sonics thing
3 when they were weaned.

Each body gets a shroud
of paper towel
and I think how death
can tell a story.  nice turn

Like how at 27 I worked  could cut 'like'
a summer in hospice
and listened to a man  maybe 'listening' and cut 'and'
cry I’m dying but he  move 'cry' to previous line and put 'I'm dying' in quotes
said it as if warning
the living to get out
of his way.

Or how my friend died
at 13 in a house fire
shielding her little sister’s
bones.

Or how last Tuesday
the MRI sang for me
again like one half
of a waulking song a  I like the metaphor here with the walking song (had to look it up) but not sure you landed it.  Might work better, IMO, if you extended it to include how being in the MRI made the narrator feel that relates better to the activity of 'waulking'
call-and-response
the sky above painted
on the ceiling for the
claustrophobics the  could work on line breaks in these last few lines, some strategic punctuation might help with emphasis.
weeping range of
the sky.

And now the rabbits
are both living and
dying with eyes like coal and   not great to end lines with conjunctions or prepositions, cutting as many as possible is best.
my coworkers say meat rabbits  maybe put 'meat rabbits' in quotes
are giving post-apocalyptic vibes  maybe 'sounds so post-apocalyptic'

but they don’t know
how death can be so simple
wrapped in paper.   nice ending

____________________________

Hi thewilderhen,

Very nice poem.  There are several instances where the line breaks make for nice redirection.  It keeps the reader surprised without being distracting.   I made some inline comments above for your consideration.  It can be a tonal thing but I would read through and cut any filler words, like conjunctions, prepositions, or articles that aren't absolutely necessary.  And like I mentioned, avoid ending lines with such.  Hope this helps.
Take care,
Bryn
PS don't know if you have a specific connection to Scotland, but my daughter is in her final year at St. Andrews.  Love visiting her!
PSS  Meat Rabbit would make a great name for a punk band.

[thewilderhen]

My wife and I raise meat rabbits.
Someone on a TV show
said, “Bunnies. They just want to die”
and it’s true.

We haven’t gotten to the meat
part yet.

13 live births, 2 still
1 eaten by its mother
(they do that when they’re poorly)
then 1 could not nurse
2 dead in the night
3 when they were weaned.

Each body gets a shroud
of paper towel
and I think how death
can tell a story.

Like how at 27 I worked
a summer in hospice
and listened to a man
cry I’m dying but he
said it as if warning
the living to get out
of his way.

Or how my friend died
at 13 in a house fire
shielding her little sister’s
bones.

Or how last Tuesday
the MRI sang for me
again like one half
of a waulking song a
call-and-response
the sky above painted
on the ceiling for the
claustrophobics the
weeping range of
the sky….. this is a great section. My only grouse is the repeat of “Sky”

And now the rabbits
are both living and
dying with eyes like coal and … excellent!
my coworkers say meat rabbits
are giving post-apocalyptic vibes … I think this is a bridge too far. It sounds good, but it also sounds alike a runaway train of thought 

but they don’t know
how death can be so simple
wrapped in paper. …. I’m not sure what the “but” is for. The ending is great and ties back to the beginning of the poem, but I don’t think post apocalyptic rabbits and your coworkers help the case 

____________________________

Critics, have at it! My specific questions: is this like, too much, man? And if so, what can I cut? (Also looking for whatever else you have to say!)

It’s an excellent poem that might benefit from some trimming towards the end

Thank you for the feedback! I had previously worked on shortening parts upstream of the end, but it still didn’t feel right and I couldn’t pinpoint why. I agree it’s the ending part, now you’ve pointed it out! I’ve rewritten the end and it feels more right. As for the sky, I think I’ll sub out the first instance with clouds. clouds on the ceiling is a good phrase. It’s been the poem I’ve worked on the longest. I’m glad the year it describes (2023) is over. That was brutal.

---

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My wife and I raise meat rabbits.
Someone on a TV show
said, “Bunnies. They just want to die”
and it’s true.

We haven’t gotten to the meat
part yet.

13 live births, 2 still
1 eaten by its mother
(they do that when they’re poorly)  maybe, 'this'
then 1 could not nurse   maybe, 'failed to' and maybe cut 'then'
2 dead in the night  my ear wants to add a 'more' after '2', it's a rhythm sonics thing
3 when they were weaned.

Each body gets a shroud
of paper towel
and I think how death
can tell a story.  nice turn

Like how at 27 I worked  could cut 'like'
a summer in hospice
and listened to a man  maybe 'listening' and cut 'and'
cry I’m dying but he  move 'cry' to previous line and put 'I'm dying' in quotes
said it as if warning
the living to get out
of his way.

Or how my friend died
at 13 in a house fire
shielding her little sister’s
bones.

Or how last Tuesday
the MRI sang for me
again like one half
of a waulking song a  I like the metaphor here with the walking song (had to look it up) but not sure you landed it.  Might work better, IMO, if you extended it to include how being in the MRI made the narrator feel that relates better to the activity of 'waulking'
call-and-response
the sky above painted
on the ceiling for the
claustrophobics the  could work on line breaks in these last few lines, some strategic punctuation might help with emphasis.
weeping range of
the sky.

And now the rabbits
are both living and
dying with eyes like coal and   not great to end lines with conjunctions or prepositions, cutting as many as possible is best.
my coworkers say meat rabbits  maybe put 'meat rabbits' in quotes
are giving post-apocalyptic vibes  maybe 'sounds so post-apocalyptic'

but they don’t know
how death can be so simple
wrapped in paper.   nice ending

____________________________

Hi thewilderhen,

Very nice poem.  There are several instances where the line breaks make for nice redirection.  It keeps the reader surprised without being distracting.   I made some inline comments above for your consideration.  It can be a tonal thing but I would read through and cut any filler words, like conjunctions, prepositions, or articles that aren't absolutely necessary.  And like I mentioned, avoid ending lines with such.  Hope this helps.
Take care,
Bryn
PS don't know if you have a specific connection to Scotland, but my daughter is in her final year at St. Andrews.  Love visiting her!
PSS  Meat Rabbit would make a great name for a punk band.

Oh man I’d listen to Meat Rabbit. I’ve gone back through and removed some ands and buts and all the other wherefores.My weak point is deciding my line breaks. 

I have no connections to Scotland, but I love working with historical fiber. As for the waulking, you’re right! I was more thinking of how an MRI sounds like this actual waulking song called S Fliuch An Oidhche (warning, it gets stuck in yr head)(the best version for resembling an MRI sound is the one by Catherine-AnnMcPhee) (but this is probably too niche for the reader, huh) and I can see how the action of waulking would come to mind. Things to consider!

[palifan]

My wife and I raise meat rabbits.
Someone on a TV show
said, “Bunnies. They just want to die”
and it’s true.
Like the open but if “bunnies just want to die” is your theme remember to stick to that throughout.

We haven’t gotten to the meat
part yet.
I would drop this sentence it’s not necessary and breaks the 4th wall for no particular reason.

13 live births, 2 still
1 eaten by its mother
(they do that when they’re poorly)
then 1 could not nurse
2 dead in the night
3 when they were weaned.
I like that you grounded the poem with details. Grounding makes more ethereal parts in a poem stand out more in general.

Each body gets a shroud
of paper towel
and I think how death
can tell a story.
Nice.

Like how at 27 I worked
a summer in hospice
and listened to a man
cry “I’m dying” but he
said it as if warning
the living to get out
of his way.
Love this. Very original.


Or how my friend died
at 13 in a house fire
shielding her little sister’s
bones.
need another line here or even a word to connect like your first example of the hospice patient
to your overall theme that bunnies want to die. Like the sister “gladly” protected her sister accepting death.

Or how last Tuesday
the MRI sang for me
again like one half
of a waulking song a
call-and-response
the sky above painted
on the ceiling for the
claustrophobics the
weeping range of
the sky.
The imagery is cool but it gets away from the theme of acceptance of death.

And now the rabbits
are both living and
dying with eyes like coal and
my coworkers say meat rabbits
are giving post-apocalyptic vibes
This stanza loses me. Not sure what it has to do with your theme.

but they don’t know
how death can be so simple
wrapped in paper.
I like the “simple wrapped in paper” but the ending doesn’t really tie everything together. Where did you address simplicity in the poem. I like the idea but you need to include simplicity in the body.

Really like this poem! Keep working on it!

____________________________

Critics, have at it! My specific questions: is this like, too much, man? And if so, what can I cut? (Also looking for whatever else you have to say!)

[thewilderhen]

My wife and I raise meat rabbits.
Someone on a TV show
said, “Bunnies. They just want to die”
and it’s true.
Like the open but if “bunnies just want to die” is your theme remember to stick to that throughout.

We haven’t gotten to the meat
part yet.
I would drop this sentence it’s not necessary and breaks the 4th wall for no particular reason.

13 live births, 2 still
1 eaten by its mother
(they do that when they’re poorly)
then 1 could not nurse
2 dead in the night
3 when they were weaned.
I like that you grounded the poem with details. Grounding makes more ethereal parts in a poem stand out more in general.

Each body gets a shroud
of paper towel
and I think how death
can tell a story.
Nice.

Like how at 27 I worked
a summer in hospice
and listened to a man
cry “I’m dying” but he
said it as if warning
the living to get out
of his way.
Love this. Very original.


Or how my friend died
at 13 in a house fire
shielding her little sister’s
bones.
need another line here or even a word to connect like your first example of the hospice patient
to your overall theme that bunnies want to die. Like the sister “gladly” protected her sister accepting death.

Or how last Tuesday
the MRI sang for me
again like one half
of a waulking song a
call-and-response
the sky above painted
on the ceiling for the
claustrophobics the
weeping range of
the sky.
The imagery is cool but it gets away from the theme of acceptance of death.

And now the rabbits
are both living and
dying with eyes like coal and
my coworkers say meat rabbits
are giving post-apocalyptic vibes
This stanza loses me. Not sure what it has to do with your theme.

but they don’t know
how death can be so simple
wrapped in paper.
I like the “simple wrapped in paper” but the ending doesn’t really tie everything together. Where did you address simplicity in the poem. I like the idea but you need to include simplicity in the body.

Really like this poem! Keep working on it!

____________________________

Critics, have at it! My specific questions: is this like, too much, man? And if so, what can I cut? (Also looking for whatever else you have to say!)

I understand where you’re coming from. I think you might be reading this poem as if it has a single thesis. But poems don’t really have theses in this way, they’re more fluid. So yes, although this poem is about rabbits I challenge you to read a bit deeper. Also, just to let you know: this poem is autobiographical. My friend did not die gladly. No 13 year old dies gladly. It’s ok because you didn’t know, but next time please think about your choice of words.

[palifan]

My wife and I raise meat rabbits.
Someone on a TV show
said, “Bunnies. They just want to die”
and it’s true.
Like the open but if “bunnies just want to die” is your theme remember to stick to that throughout.

We haven’t gotten to the meat
part yet.
I would drop this sentence it’s not necessary and breaks the 4th wall for no particular reason.

13 live births, 2 still
1 eaten by its mother
(they do that when they’re poorly)
then 1 could not nurse
2 dead in the night
3 when they were weaned.
I like that you grounded the poem with details. Grounding makes more ethereal parts in a poem stand out more in general.

Each body gets a shroud
of paper towel
and I think how death
can tell a story.
Nice.

Like how at 27 I worked
a summer in hospice
and listened to a man
cry “I’m dying” but he
said it as if warning
the living to get out
of his way.
Love this. Very original.


Or how my friend died
at 13 in a house fire
shielding her little sister’s
bones.
need another line here or even a word to connect like your first example of the hospice patient
to your overall theme that bunnies want to die. Like the sister “gladly” protected her sister accepting death.

Or how last Tuesday
the MRI sang for me
again like one half
of a waulking song a
call-and-response
the sky above painted
on the ceiling for the
claustrophobics the
weeping range of
the sky.
The imagery is cool but it gets away from the theme of acceptance of death.

And now the rabbits
are both living and
dying with eyes like coal and
my coworkers say meat rabbits
are giving post-apocalyptic vibes
This stanza loses me. Not sure what it has to do with your theme.

but they don’t know
how death can be so simple
wrapped in paper.
I like the “simple wrapped in paper” but the ending doesn’t really tie everything together. Where did you address simplicity in the poem. I like the idea but you need to include simplicity in the body.

Really like this poem! Keep working on it!

____________________________

Critics, have at it! My specific questions: is this like, too much, man? And if so, what can I cut? (Also looking for whatever else you have to say!)

I understand where you’re coming from. I think you might be reading this poem as if it has a single thesis. But poems don’t really have theses in this way, they’re more fluid. So yes, although this poem is about rabbits I challenge you to read a bit deeper. Also, just to let you know: this poem is autobiographical. My friend did not die gladly. No 13 year old dies gladly. It’s ok because you didn’t know, but next time please think about your choice of words.

Im very sorry for your loss and wish healing and blessings to you and those involved.

In my defense you may want to advise people that this is a sensitive personal subject for you and perhaps not post it on this particular intensive critique forum and tell people to “have at it.”

I critiqued it as a poem which you asked for. 

Poems can definitely have “themes.” They also use words, sounds, meter to guide readers through ideas and emotions. You can definitely not have a theme and create a landscape for the reader to wander through unguided or you can do both or all sorts of other things.

To me by starting with bunnies wanting to die and then going to an example of a person accepting death it seems your going for this as a central theme. If this isn’t the case great.

Again I enjoyed your poem quite a bit and wish you love, hope and blessings.

[thewilderhen]

I understand where you’re coming from. I think you might be reading this poem as if it has a single thesis. But poems don’t really have theses in this way, they’re more fluid. So yes, although this poem is about rabbits I challenge you to read a bit deeper. Also, just to let you know: this poem is autobiographical. My friend did not die gladly. No 13 year old dies gladly. It’s ok because you didn’t know, but next time please think about your choice of words.

Im very sorry for your loss and wish healing and blessings to you and those involved.

In my defense you may want to advise people that this is a sensitive personal subject for you and perhaps not post it on this particular intensive critique forum and tell people to “have at it.”

I critiqued it as a poem which you asked for. 

Poems can definitely have “themes.” They also use words, sounds, meter to guide readers through ideas and emotions. You can definitely not have a theme and create a landscape for the reader to wander through unguided or you can do both or all sorts of other things.

To me by starting with bunnies wanting to die and then going to an example of a person accepting death it seems your going for this as a central theme. If this isn’t the case great.

Again I enjoyed your poem quite a bit and wish you love, hope and blessings.

May we both think more before we speak, then. If the poem were not autobiographical, I would again remind you: no 13 year old dies gladly. It is possible for me to accept your critique and still take issue with your words, which seem callous. I hope we can put this current unpleasant interaction behind us.

[busker]

“ Like how at 27 I worked
a summer in hospice
and listened to a man
cry “I’m dying” but he
said it as if warning
the living to get out
of his way.”

Deserves a special mention. It is, as another critic noted, both good and original

[adat]

My wife and I raise meat rabbits. semi-colon instead of period?
Someone on a TV show
said, “Bunnies. They just want to die.” this and the previous line read great when first read, but i now feel the cadence could be improved -- "Someone on a TV show / once said"? "I once heard someone / on a TV show say"? i am very bad at line breaks but you get the idea
It’s true.

We haven’t gotten to the meat
part yet.  contra the other commenter, i like the jarring breaking of the fourth wall; that said, do we ever get to the meat part in this poem? as in rabbit-meat? or do you mean "the meat of the poem"?

13 live births, 2 still
1 eaten by its mother
(they do it when they’re poorly)  nobody else commented on this so i may just have a personal comprehension problem, but poorly what? i don't understand the word on its own -- also agree "this" would work better than "it"
then 1 could not nurse
2 dead in the night
3 when they were weaned.

Each body gets a shroud
of paper towel
and I think how death
can tell a story.

Like how at 27 I worked
a summer in hospice
and heard a man cry
I’m dying as if warning might want to place "I'm dying" in quotation marks, and possible with the rest of the next line
the living to get out
of his way.

Or how my friend died
at 13 in a house fire
shielding her little sister’s
bones.

Or how last Tuesday
the MRI sang for me
again one half
of a waulking song a  while i am bad at line breaks/enjambment, i strongly feel the "a" should be on the next line
call-and-response
clouds painted on
the ceiling for the
claustrophobics
the weeping
range of the sky.  in general but especially in this stanza the lack of commas, dashes, or semi-colons make comprehension take more attention than is perhaps ideal

Now the rabbits are both  if there are two rabbits left both works here, if not i feel it should be on the next line
living and dying with eyes
like coal I hold them
until they’re wrapped
in paper and nothing  
can come undone.  these last lines would work better "in paper / and nothing / can come / undone."

[JC_Chalant]

This is a really strong poem. I’ve input my interpretations in the line-by-line below, and apologies if I’m misreading, but either way on each reading I feel speaker’s connection to death, how the rabbits represent that connection, and what it all means for speaker in this moment. Structurally, I love how we go from broad to specific and then back to a broader idea of death to close. I reference below, but it’s like a TV show, where we’re introduced to the concept, the meat of the episode takes place, and then we transition out with some reflection on what we’ve learned. I don’t have much in terms of suggestions for improvement or tightening, to me your poem feels just about complete, and I very much enjoy reading it. 

My wife and I raise meat rabbits. Love this opening line. “meat rabbits” is so wonderfully specific and accurate, and yet visceral. Really hooks me in.
Someone on a TV show Interesting to put this on it’s own line, to break after “TV show” as it connects the previous line to this idea that the wife and Speaker are also part of a tv show. Sets a tone that this poem will be telling a story of some sort, that there’s a structure to it.
said, “Bunnies. They just want to die.”
It’s true.

We haven’t gotten to the meat
part yet. Feels like this is referring both to the raising of the rabbits, and a wink to the poem itself, haven’t gotten to the meaty bits of what we’re going to dive into in this work. I enjoy these lines.

13 live births, 2 still
1 eaten by its mother
(they do it when they’re poorly)
then 1 could not nurse
2 dead in the night
3 when they were weaned. [b]This stanza reads like a mini montage of baby rabbit deaths. Its purpose seems to be to set up how frequently S has encountered death which transitions away from rabbits and to human experience later in the poem. While it doesn’t necessarily detract from the piece, it lacks the poetic depth of the rest of the writing here. I don’t think the next stanza about each body getting a shroud is as impactful without the listing of the deaths here, but somehow this part does come across as sort of tacked on. I do end up wondering what happened to the other live birth rabbits not listed, and why only 7 by my count get their deaths described. Are the others still living and just not big enough for slaughter yet? It’s all a bit mishmashed for me still here.[/b]

Each body gets a shroud
of paper towel Lovely
and I think how death
can tell a story.

Like how at 27 I worked
a summer in hospice
and heard a man cry
I’m dying as if warning
the living to get out
of his way. Fantastic stanza. Simple and yet the image it puts forth sticks with the reader. All of us will picture this differently, but the way it’s written, we’ll all be imagining the same experience.

Or how my friend died
at 13 in a house fire
shielding her little sister’s
bones. Wow, another strong stanza with an image that haunts. Together with the last, it’s the strongest writing of the poem.

Or how last Tuesday Nice transition, from the unknown past to essentially the present and...
the MRI sang for me ...from death as S knows it from others' direct experience, to a more personal run-in
again one half “again” is doing a lot of work here. And the enjambment on “one half” helps to paint a picture
of a waulking song a [b]waulking song being a matriarchal experience/tradition, combined with the MRI, the spotlight on “one half” above, and rabbits as “both / living and dying” all leads to a reading of a breast cancer diagnosis for speaker. It’s subtle and unspoken. A stark contrast to how the friend died, the old man in hospice, and even the “13 live births, 2 still” rabbits of stanza 3. Perhaps that’s why that stanza is so clear on what happened to some of their deaths? To lend to that contrast? [/b]
call-and-response unique image here, the MRI as participant in this type of song, the driver really in this case. Makes me also wonder if there’s a statement here on technology replacing human connection, the village being replaced by science, and what that means. It’s not explored further, but there’s a kernel of something here. I’m not sure if it’s intentional or not, and I wonder if it’s meant to be further played out
clouds painted on
the ceiling for the
claustrophobics
the weeping
range of the sky. The lack of end-line punctuation (save for periods) makes this section a bit of a tricky read, but the stylistic choice is adhered to consistently in the poem and isn’t a distraction. “weeping / range of the sky” is beautiful

Now the rabbits are both
living and dying with eyes The break on “eyes” here, feels like its meant to tie back to S, her breast cancer diagnosis, she’s the rabbits here, she can see death’s presence in her life, living with death inside her
like coal I hold them the lack of punctuation works throughout, but here feels like an inconsistency. Some pause is missing between “coal” and “I hold them” simply because there are periods in the poem, there’s a comma in S1. The rules that have been set forth so far indicate punctuation mid-line is part of the poem, so it being missing here does distract for me.
until they’re wrapped
in paper and nothing To be wrapped in both paper and yet wrapped in nothing at one’s death, because what is anything when we die? Thought provoking statement well done in a small line
can come undone.