Who is this for?

[Mic]

I’m very new to poetry and I can tell it’s not very well polished but I don’t know how to improve it, both in making it sound consistent and making the idea come across more clearly



Who is this for, you or me?
It’s my pound of flesh I cut
But the idea of you made me;
I’ve delusioned a honeypot,
You’re free to dissect me.
How romantic.
You be my wife,
I’ll talk and you’ll listen,
You’ll say nothing I’ll hear,
I’ll give nothing you want.
But you’ll deal with and take it;
My pound’s not yet portioned 
And you are still hungry.
Im afraid all my worth
Is what you’ll take away.

[whisperer]

Welcome to the beautiful and painful and rewarding and stressful world of poetry and welcome to The Pig Pen. You're off to a great start. Your piece has some powerful and painful language. I get images of trying to please another person but somehow falling short. It's a beautiful and painful and very real message. As for polishing, that's all in the editing. That's why we show it to other writers and see what they think and go back to the lab and tinker, or smash it and build something new. That's the beauty of all this. Back to your piece, again wonderful imagery and wording and the piece flows nicely, except for the third line. The line is a bit clunky and the "But" suggests a conjecture that is hard to see. Try it without the "but" and some punctuation to finish the previous line to separate the two lines and  see if that works. Other than that, you're on a wonderful path. Keep writing and expressing and tinkering and toiling. Thank you for sharing.

[Mostly Holy]

A gloomy poem about a gloomy topic (romantic disillusion / divorce?) I liked it a lot, altho I would say the line "I’ve delusioned a honeypot," does not work. "Delusioned" is not a word and the tongue trips over it, did you mean deluded, or perhaps disillusioned? Poets do coin new words, ofc, but it is generally considered a bad idea since new coinages more often look like typos than anything else. Always best to stick to actual words when you can. Also tiny typo on the penultimate line, Im > I'm

I cannot really give advice on free verse because I do not get it, I need structure to write a poem. I would be tempted to format your poem into three stanzas tho, there seems a natural shift in the theme on line 6 and again at line 11, tho idk if you want to highlight these breaks with literal line breaks or not:

Who is this for, you or me?
It’s my pound of flesh I cut
But the idea of you made me;
I’ve delusioned a honeypot,
You’re free to dissect me.
How romantic.

You be my wife,
I’ll talk and you’ll listen,
You’ll say nothing I’ll hear,
I’ll give nothing you want.
But you’ll deal with and take it;

My pound’s not yet portioned
And you are still hungry.
I'm afraid all my worth
Is what you’ll take away.

[Quixilated]

Hello and welcome,

Please take a moment to read our site rules.  All members must offer feedback on other poems in the workshops for every new poem posted in the workshops.  (The workshops are the basic, moderate, and intensive forums).  
Please catch up.

Thank you,
--Quix/admin

[NicLeb]

I’m very new to poetry and I can tell it’s not very well polished but I don’t know how to improve it, both in making it sound consistent and making the idea come across more clearly



Who is this for, you or me?
It’s my pound of flesh I cut
But the idea of you made me; (this line is a bit unclear, made me do it, or made me as in created me? Do you need the but?)
I’ve delusioned a honeypot, (I'd agree with the earlier comment regarding this line, it does not flow as well as the rest)
You’re free to dissect me.
How romantic.
You be my wife,
I’ll talk and you’ll listen,
You’ll say nothing I’ll hear,
I’ll give nothing you want.
But you’ll deal with and take it;
My pound’s not yet portioned 
And you are still hungry.
Im afraid all my worth
Is what you’ll take away.

Very vivid emotions that create a clear picture of the pain of relationship. I like the sound of it.