Future Imperfect

[dukealien]

Future Imperfect (senryu)


Avocado pit–
not sterile but produces
tree unlike itself.

[sun_sparks]

Future Imperfect (senryu)


Avocado pit–
not sterile but produces
tree unlike itself.

My first time critiquing (or even properly analysing) a senryu, so bear with me. This has been as much about me learning, as me critiquing! 

Method - Senryu, adhering to the three line, 5-7-5 guidelines. However, my reading suggests that senryus differ from haikus in that they typically discuss humanity, which I tried to dig out of this, but failed. Could this be a haiku instead? I'd love to hear what you intended to convey.

Manner - "Tree unlike itself" is a lovely image. The continuity and change of life from something as simple as a "pit".

Matter - I was intrigued by the use of sterile, which I initially read as fertile for some reason since you go on to discuss reproduction. Which led me to dig and read about the reproduction of avocados (thanks for the education!).  Future Imperfect implies grammar and the adherence to rules here. The unpredictability of the future tree fits with this, although I'd love something else grammatical in here to tie to!

Thanks dukealien for sharing this piece.

[dukealien]

Under the sacred seal of the Spoiler (don't do as I do)

Plant an acorn, you get another oak, with acorns..

But plant the pit from an eating avocado, and the tree bears fruit nothing like it.  That's because it came from a graft.

With people, a stockbroker and a housewife produce... a fighter pilot, a back-alley sleaze, and a TV actress.

So, are people grafts?  In some ways... (senryu).  A movie actress produces a movie actor son because she passes on good looks, attitude... and her agent.

Modern eating bananas are another story - worth a poem?  They're all clones of one another, and the same fungus could wipe out every last one.  A warning to humans about reproducing asexually to produce picture-perfect kids?

Glad you liked it.