Sybaris is my City

[Mostly Holy]

"Sybaris is my City"

Sybaris is my city, not my shame.
I scorn Prudence, Salome sings my tune.
Vice writes my verses, virtues I'll not name.

Nunc est bibendum, I strum my Lydian lyre,
My Duty bends to Cyprian desire,
My Temperance writhes in Bacchante fires.

I live the lies they breathe of Magdalene still,
Brew spiced Soma for nocturnal thrills,
And sing wild hymns unfit for Lilith's quill.

Though every song must fade, and passions freeze,
I drown my nights in wine and whispered pleas,
As I moan lines of Sappho on bruised knees.

Spare me the stoic's dismal hope;
Icarus gilds my fall, not Cato’s rope.
My gospel spills from a decadent throat.

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I am mostly wondering about whether the references in this seem properly used or pretentious. I know the poem as a whole is dripping with pretension, but I at least want the references to land.

Also it occurs to me that I posted my other poems in the wrong forum, because I misunderstood the purpose of the "intensive" channel, which I realise now is for much more accomplished poets than me, looking for very precise and technical criticism, so if a mod could move my posts to this channel, I would very much appreciate it ::pray::

[busker]

"Sybaris is my City"

Sybaris is my city, not my shame.
I scorn Prudence, Salome sings my tune.
Vice writes my verses, virtues I'll not name.

Nunc est bibendum, I strum my Lydian lyre,
My Duty bends to Cyprian desire,
My Temperance writhes in Bacchante fires.

I live the lies they breathe of Magdalene still,
Brew spiced Soma for nocturnal thrills,
And sing wild hymns unfit for Lilith's quill.

Though every song must fade, and passions freeze,
I drown my nights in wine and whispered pleas,
As I moan lines of Sappho on bruised knees.

Spare me the stoic's dismal hope;
Icarus gilds my fall, not Cato’s rope.
My gospel spills from a decadent throat.

---

---

I am mostly wondering about whether the references in this seem properly used or pretentious. I know the poem as a whole is dripping with pretension, but I at least want the references to land.

Also it occurs to me that I posted my other poems in the wrong forum, because I misunderstood the purpose of the "intensive" channel, which I realise now is for much more accomplished poets than me, looking for very precise and technical criticism, so if a mod could move my posts to this channel, I would very much appreciate it ::pray::

Hi Mostly - just a point of clarification: Intensive has nothing to do with who’s posting, but what level of detail the poet would like to invite in the crit. In this, the Pen is different from sites like PFFA that have a great deal of gate keeping around who’s posting in what forum.
The original intent was as follows:

Basic was for those new to poetry who might get turned off by harsh crit.
Intensive was the most intense level of crit. No holds barred, potentially harsh crit. 
Mild was somewhere in between.

Somewhere along the way, tectak (a deceased, respected member) started providing line by line feedback in Intensive and that gradually became the expectation. But there’s no one size fits all - Intensive doesn’t always need to have every line analysed. It all depends.

You are free to post depending on how much of a close look you want people to give the poem.

These days, when I post on the critical fora, if I am satisfied with 90% of the poem and only want some general feedback, I post in Mild. If I need some active workshopping to restructure a poem, I post it in Intensive.
If I feel that what I’ve written is a very simple poem - say song lyrics - and I’m looking for feedback on a few simple points I might post it in Basic.

So in short, post where you feel it fits.

Will get back on the actual crit later.

[Mostly Holy]

Basic was for those new to poetry who might get turned off by harsh crit.
Intensive was the most intense level of crit. No holds barred, potentially harsh crit. 
Mild was somewhere in between.

Oh well now I feel even more foolish, I guess I put them in the right place to begin with ::joy::
Ty to the mod who kindly moved them for me, tho ::pray::