The Ticking Watch

[yourlocalaliyen]

Blank pages promise a
brighter future
or they highlight a 
dark past.

Here I am now
In the dim light of my bedroom
with my ticking watch pressed against my cheek

to quell the rising wave of emotions in me.
The clock ticks steadily
certainly
and I breathe a sigh of relief.

The words begin to dance
in pointe shoes and pink tutus
and they giggle prettily
behind their pale hands

As they do pirouettes
in between the stanzas
to the beat of my
ticking watch.

They arrange themselves in lines
and rows
spinning over and over
and they blur together under the weight of my tears.

[rowens]

Blank pages promise a
brighter future
or they highlight a 
dark past.

Here I am now
In the dim light of my bedroom
with my ticking watch pressed against my cheek

to quell the rising wave of emotions in me.
The clock ticks steadily
certainly
and I breathe a sigh of relief.


Let "cheek" and "relief" do the sonic work. 

The words begin to dance
in pointe shoes and pink tutus
and they giggle prettily
behind their pale hands

As they do pirouettes
in between the stanzas
to the beat of my
ticking watch.

They arrange themselves in lines
and rows
spinning over and over
and they blur together under the weight of my tears.

[tun]

Blank pages promise a
brighter future
or they highlight a 
dark past.

Here I am now
In the dim light of my bedroom
with my ticking watch pressed against my cheek

to quell the rising wave of emotions in me.
In me the clock ticks steadily
certainly
and I breathe a sigh of relief.

The words begin to dance
in pointe shoes and pink tutus
and they giggle prettily
behind their pale hands

As they do pirouettes
in between the stanzas
to the beat of my
ticking watch.

They arrange themselves in lines
and rows
spinning over and over
and they blur together under the weight of my tears.

This is how I would resolve the suggested issue that was raised with 'in me'. 

[dukealien]

Blank pages promise a
brighter future
or they highlight a 
dark past.

Here I am now
In the dim light of my bedroom
with my ticking watch pressed against my cheek

to quell the rising wave of emotions in me.
The clock ticks steadily
certainly
and I breathe a sigh of relief.

The words begin to dance
in pointe shoes and pink tutus
and they giggle prettily
behind their pale hands

As they do pirouettes  no capitalization required - sentence continues
in between the stanzas
to the beat of my
ticking watch.

They arrange themselves in lines
and rows
spinning over and over
and they blur together under the weight of my tears.

In basic critique, and more generally then the other critics so far, this is a good poem which could benefit from fewer words (and consequent adjustment of the line breaks).  The result can be spare and suitably haunting; simplicity has a complexity all its own.

Useful tool in reducing the words is using different verb forms which can individually carry more weight.  For example, "Here I lie" in place of "Here I am now," or "They pirouette" in place of "They do pirouettes."  Also, much can be implied - for example, you could say, "...giggling prettily behind pale hands" since we know the hands aren't the speaker's.

Once you get into the swing of eliminating words and changing verb forms, don't go too far:  the concept of an inner vision dragged out of shape by tears is original and striking, well placed at the end.  It could, perhaps, be better or more smoothly shaped, but that's up to you.

P.S. Welcome to the duchy (just kidding, it isn't *mine*.)