I'm a Slob

[NadCloutier]

my old tees are anything but evergreen
scattered around my nightstand
forever seeking their roots
in my red ocher dresser

[billy]

my old tees are anything but evergreen
scattered around my nightstand
forever seeking their roots
in my red ocher dresser

it has a quaint feel to it nad.
feels like you don't play golf anymore.
or maybe you really are just a slob who plays golf
fr me i'd take out the first person me's
the first me i'd abandon.
the 2nd i'd replace with the
the third i'd swap for a

the poem give the impression the tees are in two places.
because of that i think it would read better without the last two words of the 2nd line.
i think with just a little and i mean little work it can be a good piece. jmo

[addy]

Quiet and lovely.

One tiny thing I'd rephrase is the second line... "Scattered around my nightstand"... just drops, like its too literal compared to the other lines. Just a slight rephrasing would do. Again, its just an opinion, to take or leave

Great job.

[kath3]

my old tees are anything but evergreen
scattered around my nightstand
forever seeking their roots
in my red ocher dresser

it has a quaint feel to it nad.
feels like you don't play golf anymore.
or maybe you really are just a slob who plays golf
fr me i'd take out the first person me's
the first me i'd abandon.
the 2nd i'd replace with the
the third i'd swap for a

the poem give the impression the tees are in two places.
because of that i think it would read better without the last two words of the 2nd line.
i think with just a little and i mean little work it can be a good piece. jmo

Good critiquing job ... you obviously know poetry.

old tees are anything but evergreen
scattered around the nightstand
forever seeking their roots
in a red ocher dresser

@ nadCloutier Great poem all the way through. I love and appreciate the line "forever seeking their roots.