The Hector Hoctor Tree

[adat]

On mound of grey
contained by snow,
arbour flayed raw
sways, bends, cracks, moans.

Stained green with black
defies the frost,
holds pinched dry fruit,
red blood of ox.

For none but He,
or It, or She --
there far beyond
our salted wall,
that salted pond;

mortal gasp of
timeless scree,
stands, persists
the Hoctor tree.

On mound of grey
Contained by snow
Arbour flayed raw
Bends, gasps, and moans

Green speckled black
Defies the frost
Bears pinched dry fruit
Like blood from ox

For none but He,
Or It, or She --
There far beyond
Our salted wall,
That salted pond

Then and now, not
Forever more
Stands, persists
The Hector Hoctor tree

[dukealien]

On mound of grey
Contained by snow
Arbour flayed raw
Bends, gasps, and moans  evocative so far:  seeing a broken lattice in the wind, on a bare blister of ground, in a blizzard

Green speckled black
Defies the frost
Bears pinched dry fruit  first saw ursine animals stealing apricots while reading this line.  Capitalization not a plus?
Like blood from ox  although the line is descriptive, the idea of bleeding may be a distraction - if you want color, "blood of ox?"

For none but He,
Or It, or She --  nice placement of the three elements (almost first sign of punctuation)
There far beyond
Our salted wall,  having lived in cold climates, I see snow plow-created ramparts with salted highway at their base
That salted pond  the ocean, or are these tears?

Then and now, not  only slightly better than "Now and then"
Forever more  unfortunate cliche
Stands, persists good alliteration
The Hector Hoctor tree  when editing this stanza, perhaps a rhyme or near-rhyme prior to give this a bit more tone.

In intensive critique...

Though I usually give first-letter capitalization a pass with less than a warning, it's actually hurting here.  For example, in S2, seeing the line beginning with "Bears" (sic) prompted me to make the word a noun with subsequent folly.  Given the very spare nature of this work, minimizing capitalization would seem appropriate.

Same with punctuation, but in reverse.  A period or two could justify stanza breaks and justify capitalization after, for phrasing and emphasis.

Aside from that and the notes above, the last stanza needs the most work.  It should remain spare, but with dynamic and surprising words instead of cliche and near-cliche.  This will be difficult but rewarding.

And finally, of course, the title/subject.  "Hector Hoctor Tree" by itself (as in the title) sounds like something from Dr. Seuss.  A tree with looping outlined branches that Horton the Elephant would care for.  The strength of the poem is that it starkly describes something entirely different and keeps comic images from arising at all - good work!   A cursory search turns up only notable dancer Harriet Hoctor, somewhat associated with the story of an aviatrix of her time crashing tragically.  I can see this as the charred wreckage of a 1930s airplane in snow, the fire out, with remnants of cheerful red paint on some surfaces.  I doubt this is what you had in mind, but the poem is, as noted, evocative.  It can be strengthened without explaining or losing its ambiguity.

[adat]

Thank you very much for your feedback, i really appreciate it! i admit i had not even thought about punctuation/capitalization, and am a bit unsure as to how to proceed in that regard (normally i just cap all lines and punctuate sparsely), so hopefully the below is a step forward.

Here is a revised version:

On mound of grey,
contained by snow,
arbour flayed raw
bends, gasps, and moans.

Stained green with black
defies the frost,
holds pinched dry fruit,
red blood of ox.

For none but He,
or It, or She --
there far beyond
our salted wall,
that salted pond,

mortal gasp of
timeless scree,
stands, persists
the Hoctor tree.

[dukealien]

Thank you very much for your feedback, i really appreciate it! i admit i had not even thought about punctuation/capitalization, and am a bit unsure as to how to proceed in that regard (normally i just cap all lines and punctuate sparsely), so hopefully the below is a step forward.

Here is a revised version:

On mound of grey,  no need for comma here
contained by snow,
arbour flayed raw
bends, gasps, and moans.  this line could use some work

Stained green with black
defies the frost,
holds pinched dry fruit, 
red blood of ox.

For none but He,
or It, or She -- 
there far beyond
our salted wall, 
that salted pond,  perhaps semicolon or colon here

mortal gasp of
timeless scree, 
stands, persists  maybe begin line with added "here" - not sure about that
the Hoctor tree.  this fixes many things!  Good.

This is, I think, significantly better.  Your punctuation is fine now, though I suggest a few places it might be improved.  Just start with regular punctuation (and capitalization), then tweak both for emphasis (for example, though not recommended here, capitalizing "tree" in the last line).

Killing "Hector" is a perfect solution (as it was for Achilles  ).  As I see it. this is now a *family* tree growing in desolation.  Huge change of direction and a big increase in comprehensibility without explaining anything.  Well done.  Title can be left as is, further suggesting that one Hector is the present fruit and scion.

We have a method for posting edits, evolved over time.  While it's good to put the edited work and comments in a new post (which will, incidentally, raise it to the top of the "waterfall" display), just go back to the original (root"?) post of your thread, enclose the previous version between {pre verse} and {/pre verse} using square brackets instead of curly, and write or paste your edited version above the old.  This will hide the previous version(s) but preserve them so you (and others) can follow the evolution of the poem by clicking on a "previous versions" button which will be displayed.  When you post an edit you can also change the title of the thread by adding "- edited" .  Save your edited "root" post, and there you are.