midnight

[cait.05]

voices in my head
strangers in the night
is this what it felt like for you all those years ago?
a chance to say goodbye
a chance to leave
a chance to stay

I don't think I would even know how to face you
I couldn't even look you in the eye
what could I say to you 
to make you forgive me

crystal glass and broken promises
silence as tears subside
here I am again
alone, phone a friend, take a cab, sleep it off

hindsight is 20/20
the only regret i have is losing you
i don't know how to let you go.

[Todd]

Hi Cait.05,

Welcome to the site!

Let you give you a suggestion. This reads like you're grasping to find the poem. Like it's an early free write still tied to a number of cliches and abstractions. What that means is you still haven't broken beneath the surface to get to what you're trying to say. The cliches are serving as a sort of shorthand. You ask in line 3 for instance is this what it felt like for you but when you lead with the first two lines there aren't any concrete details to help the reader feel a sensation. Remove the lines we've heard before and exchange them for something more sensory.

I could give you examples, but I don't want to plant anything in your mind too early.

Best,

Todd

[whisperer]

This piece is very raw and emotional. The blood hasn't even dried yet. There are writers out there that believe this is how poetry should be written, raw and unedited (Charles Bukowski - So You Want To Be A Writer). Others believe in colourful (sorry I'm Canadian) language and imagery. Poetry is art and art is expression. If that's what you have set out to accomplish, you nailed it. If you want to edit it, if you want it to sound and look better, I would work on some of your language and comparisons. These feel a little cliche and it reads messy. Again, if that's what you were striving for, great job. However, if you want to tighten it up, less is more and a thesaurus is a poets best friend. Beyond that, thank you for sharing.