Still waiting

[Joooonaaaa]

Still waiting

I wait for the ending—
For words to sharpen,
For silence to lengthen into eternity

And I wonder
Was it ever real
Were the feelings mutual
Or only imagined
A reflection mistaken for light

Perhaps we felt special
Not because of each other
But because we needed something
To fill the raw hollow
A wound still bleeding
From hours before

What could have been—
We will never know
Even if we were right
The moment was wrong
There was no time to heal
No space to feel
What should have been felt

This ache—
Is it yours
Or the echo of an older grief
I never gave myself permission to feel

Still I know
Losing you will wound me deeper
Than losing anyone else
Not from the weight of years—
We had so few—
But because there was no time
To ruin the image of you
You remain untouched
Perfect in memory
I will always wonder
Could we have made each other happy
I know the answer will never come

No words have been spoken
Yet the unraveling is clear
Messages thin
Goodnight wishes dissolve into absence
No anger
No final blow—
Only the quiet knowledge
That all of this is falling apart

And still, I will remember
A week of closeness
A single night of warmth
And the strange gravity of it—
How it felt like more
Than it ever had the chance to be

Time will answer the small questions
Will we still take the journeys we dreamed of
Will me meet each other’s eyes without flinching
Will friendship survive the silence

The large truth weighs heavy on my tongue
The best thing would be to end it
And yet, I cannot
I keep waiting
Still hoping—
That you are only exhausted
That your silence isn’t my fault

But somewhere deeper
I already know
There is no hope left
And still
I can’t seem to hope no more

[rowens]

This poem could look past the ruminating quality. Remove the ruminating quantity. The questions asked are typical. The rhythmic-phrasing is strong, your rhythmic-phrasing. Something beyond typical would suit that phrasing-ability.